Just a glimpse into the past

I stepped on the scale this morning and almost, almost 139... the scale hesitated, but finished at 140.4... But I did SEEEEEE 139, if only for a split second. I think I'll get there soon and I will relish in it. I haven't seen 130s since I was maybe 14 years old...

I am melancholy today. Philosophical. Godamnit I hate PMS. I know the grass is always greener on the other side, but sometimes I wish I could exchange my mood swings for cramps... but not really ha!

Now that I have clearly identified my cycle, I recognize the PMS mood swings coming on much earlier. Men out there won't be able to get this because they think either a) PMS is just an urban legend, or b) PMS = she be crazay bitch for the next few days.

For me, I don't really get very many physical symptoms, I'm pretty lucky that way, but PMS mood swings are nothing like just being bitchy. I go from insane highs to really low lows, sadness, anger, excitation, randiness ;), all of it... The only difference between this and regular every day reactions to life is the intensity with which I feel it inside. I recognize that feeling now almost immediately, when I realize there IS no reason for my mood outside of my own head.

For example, the other day, for absolutely no good reason, I felt sad first thing in the morning. As I got to work, it was instantly a bad day. There was no escaping the fact it was going to be a bad day regardless of my mood, but my mood was so intense I felt like standing up and walking out of the office literally the entire day. I even started looking at travel deals at one point. I know, dramatic. But even though I recognize it's a PMS mood swing, I still feel it. The advantage of acknowledging what it is is that it enables me to control my behaviour a little more, so I don't say or do anything I will regret, like walking out on my job.

PMS mood swings are real, and intense, and there's no Advil for it. Grr. I have volleyball shortly though and god it feels good to be playing again. So my mood will most likely be back up about 15 minutes into my game :) and for the rest of the evening.

Stopped at a local soup place for dinner (no veggies to go with my meat or fish at home), so I have Tex Mex delicious beef chili with a multigrain bagel with butter...sooooo grood. you heard me, grood.

Okay, I'm just rambling now because I am killing time until I leave for volleyball. I hate having to wait for it, I get so excited to just be there! It's like being 7 and finding out you're going to Disney World in one year from now... the frustration of anticipation almost cancels out the brief excitement. No but seriously folks, I am an overgrown child if you hadn't noticed.

I guess I have nothing else to say. bleh. sorry for wasting your time with my ramblings, but I needed it.