the battle of good and evil

It is a fine balance people like us (weight-losers) must strike between being healthfully focused on positive objectives and obsessively striving to achieve some unattainable idea of perfection.

I am going to be completely honest for a second. I am not seeking feedback on this, it's just something I worry about and try to avoid... This morning, with no food in the house and having eaten a light dinner very early yesterday, I finally got to 140 lbs. The scary part is that I was very excited about it, even though I know it's not healthy to skip meals and count that as weight loss... It worries me because I think I am healthy now, I think if I stopped now I'd be fine. I do not want to stop for now, because I have set an objective that I do truly believe is healthy, but these moments of irrational compulsive weighing and number-counting are troublesome.

I think as long as I point it out to myself and try to stop it before it evolves I will be fine. But I have always been one for extremes...

In any case, I did do something very positive: I went grocery shopping for the first time in months! I have now eaten a kiwi, some yellow bell pepper, some baguette with oil and vinegar, and I did something that shocked even me. I have always hated onions, but in the last decade, olives have overtaken the onion in my list of least liked foods. I decided (since I turned down olives at someone's home the other day and felt crappy that I can't just be one of those uncomplicated people who will eat anything) that I would give them one more shot. I bought myself some high-quality, organic Kalamata olives and ate one in between bites of baguette. It turns out, it wasn't that bad at all. I think there's even a chance that I could like them with time. I have always loved vinegar and most pickled foods, so I think olives are now within the realm of possibilities... I am happy about this.

I did a lot of random chores today like vaccuming, bringing the summer tires out to the shed, picking up around the house, washing my fruit/veggies, etc... I am tired though because I couldn't sleep at alllllll last night and had to work from 7am to 8am to submit a project... So now the debate is whether to nap THEN walk, or walk in the sunny weather and THEN nap...dilemmas dilemmas.

In any case, I have some chicken marinating in the fridge for dinner, in lemon, garlic and pepper. I'll probably make a huge salad with my homemade dressing since it has been so long since I've eaten my own food, and I love my salads :) I think I may also just suck it up and go for a walk now, grab a nice coffee drink from a local cafe, and then come home and relax for the afternoon...

2011 is starting off well. Now I have to motivate myself to sign up for kickboxing...eee!