The weekend update

Another nice weekend had and back to work.

Friday I spent after work cleaning and relaxing if I remember correctly, then went to a gallery show followed by one of my favourite places in Montreal: Juliette et Chocolat. Rather than my usual hot chocolate, I took a chocolate fondue with some fresh fruit. Delish!

On Saturday I had the best of intentions, but ended up spending most of my day inside relaxing. I cleaned all morning and did girly stuff like taking a bath and such. I watched horrible TV and napped. Finally, when I did manage to get this ass out da' house I just walked to the local cafe for a hot chocolate and then walked around my neighbourhood for about 30 minutes. Yep, overall, a pretty lazy day. I did go out for dinner with a friend, but got home pretty early and watched more bad TV and one fantastic episode of SNL.

Sunday I went to the free Lululemon yoga class. Yoga isn't really my thing but it was alright, and I knew I'd be playing vball later on... So I convinced my man-friend to come to beach volleyball with me :) We had fun playing, but didn't get much court time at all. I think I am done trying to play drop-in Sundays because it's more waiting than playing. I'll stick to league nights and after-work drop in...

I ate well all weekend, and stocked up on a few groceries, but I have no lunch food so I'll be buying lunch. I'll need to go tomorrow and buy rations for the week.

Have a great day everyone!

A nice day for sharing

I am having a wonderful day. And since I've not much to report--being still at 139 :) and on track--I thought I'd share some random stuff to entertain you this fine Saturday.

I recently discovered an extreeeeemely talented artist, who is not so new, but new to me. The band/singer goes by Lissie. The singer is basically the most soulful young artist I've seen recently, up there with Adele, and is essentially the modern reincarnation of Stevie Nicks with even better chops!!! I will post two favs of mine here, but if you feel so inclined, check out her cover of Stairway to Heaven. No one has ever pulled off that cover so well...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7G0_eN36QVc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4s3dOn0GfQ

And another cute artist/song that nicely blends old and new for a really fun song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzY0-I4Gq5w
Check em out on this sunny Saturday afternoon, enjoy!

ramblin'

So I don't have much to say but I decided to write anyway. This blogging thing is a discipline. In order to not have the same fate as most blogs people start, I need to do this regularly, just like exercise. This blog has been THE secret key to my weight loss, and if I stop the blog, I stop reminding myself every day that I am not done yet. This way, I never lose sight of the goal.

I've been eating all home food this week, except Wednesday night, when I had a SUPER delicious burger and fries at my friend's house. I really ate far too much and was worried my 138.8 would be long in the distance, but I am back to 139.6 today, so it's no biggie.

Exercise-wise, I took a quick uphill walk at lunch and will likely do the same today since I need to run to the bank. I also played about 2.5 hours of volleyball. For the first time in my history of playing beach volleyball, I was totally physically exhausted. I think my body is wiped from the 5 days I played this past week, even with two days off in between. My serving went from fierce to feeble quite dramatically. I had to serve underheand at that point. But my attacks (smashes) are getting pretty good, and the advantage of that is that my abs are getting a frickin' fantastic ass-kicking.

Every couple of months I notice that I am capable of jumping a little higher, hitting a little more accurately, diving a little farther, etc... It's amazing to literally feel your insides changing and tangibly witnessing your strength developing. I was not able to come even close to smashing not more than 6 months ago, and now I am starting to get the technique down and am getting quite good. My calves and abs are getting much stronger and I see it.

Today I wont be eating lunch or dinner at home (well possibly dinner but definitely not lunch) since I've once again run out of rations. I am watching my spending now veeeeery closely, to save up for Rome in March...

buongiorno everybaday!

A nice surprise

Wasn't expecting this one at all. I was 138.8 this morning, which really caught me off-guard, but eeeeee nonetheless!!!

yay yay yay happy dance yay yay yay.

Am about to eat a healthy breakfast, and will eat healthy, yummy leftovers for lunch, then seeing a friend for dinner... feelin' sexy!

Have a great day!

My 300th post

It's been just over one year since I started my tough little weight-loss journey, and I managed to pop out 300 whole posts in about 360 days. Not bad! That, and lose over 45 lbs and 10 inches off my waist, among other achievements.

All I have to report is that I was down to 139 lbs again this morning, yay! I need to get out and do a bit more exercise, but with the weather at -30 degrees this week, I gave myself a pass, though I did 5 days of volleyball almost in a row hahah!

I ate a delicious dinner. I rarely eat pasta at home anymore as a result of a general dietary overhaul over the last year, but I made spinach fettucini with chopped garlic, walnuts, cherry tomatoes, goat cheese, salt and pepper, along with a salad of cucumber, peppers and feta/lemon. I have saved half for lunch tomorrow.

My point was that pasta has always been a super food for me. It gives me these energy boosts that were much needed in my soccer days. Tonight, after dinner I was just sitting around watching TV, giving my muscles some much needed respite from vball, when I decided to start doing crunches, squats, push ups, etc. Weird.

I haven't been doing much strength training since moving for lack of a gym. I go to the occasional cross-fit or bootcamp class, but I am a very muscular girl anyway, so I don't really feel much need. But today I just had this pasta kick haha!

Anyway, I'm hardly even paying attention to what I'm writing. I'm spaced out right now, so I suppose I should go before I say something silly. lol.

Good evening.

so happy and so dumb.

I am riding high on the knowledge I'm going to Rome very soon... I cannot believe it. A real vacation, to a place I've wanted to go to since returning from India four or five years ago. Eee! My friend and I are booking our time off from work and she will be getting our tickets for our flights this week I think. On my end, I'm starting to budget and starting to read up on Roma and the rest of Italy. I have no idea what I'll do there, but everything I think of revolves around food. I think this is going to be my big reward for all my hard work this past year.

So speaking of hard work, I really ate badly the last two days, but was solidly back into the game today. Saturday I ate mostly just McDonald's, and yesterday I ate a healthy brunch but no lunch and a very fatty grilled cheese sandwich dinner... with Ketchup (a childhood pleasure and my go-to meal when I'm craving something bad at home).

This morning, for the second time in a week, I tried to get a big honkin' Jugo Juice for brekkie, but they were doing inventory (last week they were only accepting cash. argh.), so I went with toast/butter and a yogurt with fresh berries and a wee bit of granola. Lunch was a big (and not very good) salad from Laitue N GO. I tried something different and regretted it. On my way home from work I bought a few groceries and made fresh trout with a big side salad, and kept half of the trout for lunch tomorrow. I will cut up some peppers and throw that in on the side. I mentioned in my title that I am a little dumb: that's because, when I was thinking about my dinner I thought I had made salmon. I liked it, but felt it tasted different. It was only now that I remembered it was actually rainbow trout hahah!

I bought myself some plain yogurt and Kashi high fibre cereal and fresh blueberries for breakfast and I am craving it already.

I started playing volleyball on Monday nights with my new team tonight. My car wouldn't start (have to get a jump tomorrow I suppose), so I had to run to the metro, get out two stops later and run in -30 weather to volleyball. I made it just on time since they were explaining the rules for all the new people. It's so nice to be on a team with friends, and it will be like that on Thursdays as well.

I anticipate I'll be back to 139 tomorrow, at least I should be. I'm really hoping to get down to at least 135 (if not 130) by the time I go to Italy, but it's tough. Now that I have to save for my trip I wont be spending money on any other fitness classes. I also won't be doing the Game On diet for now because it costs too much in fresh veggies/fruit for my budget at the moment. I will just need to be extra careful and try to get out as much as I can when the weather gets just slightly warmer.

Alright, 'nough ramblin'. Time to watch some TV and grin stupidly at my good fortune these days.

I feel like a celebrity

what a week, what A (emphasis) week!

I had a rollercoaster of emotions, but it ended on such a high.

I am self-diagnosing myself with PMDD (temporarily), and beginning to track my mood swings. I am almost positive that is the issue, because last week was sooooooo dark and rough emotionally, and pretty much for no reason at all.

On the very, very, verrrry good side, I got to play volleyball wed-thurs-fri and today, and will start playing the new season tomorrow (and thurs). Even better, a friend gave me a spa pass (it's a nordic bath spa where you alternate between hot and cold, and it's amazingly relaxing and great for your skin. I have a 3-hour pass for anytime I want). And EVEN BETTER: the guy I am seeing put me up in a hotel downtown last night so I could relax there and I would have a chance to spend some time with him, which is very sweet and makes me happay!

And to top it all off, a good friend of mine has invited me to join her in Rome for two weeks in March. I will almost have an all-expenses paid trip since we have a nice apartment to stay in, she's paying for my flight (I will be paying her back, I cannot be a total mooch!) and apparently food and wine isn't too pricey out there). EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

So I am being spoiled rotten by the people around me and I am deeply touched. In less than one month, 2011 has outdone 2009-2010 by a longshot!!

I went back up to 141 this week with Aunt Flo stopping by for a visit. Yesterday, to pamper myself, I had McDonald's for the first time in 1.25 years and yum yum. However, since I rarely use added salt in my food and eat a lot of fresh food, the salt in the meal had me parched the entire evening. Tonight, I am back from vball, need to take a shower, finish critiquing a translation (a book translated by my friend), then get me some grub. I might just make a little bit of pasta, or I might be inspired to go out in this -20degree weather to grab some stuff at the grocery store, but I predict warmth will prevail. However, I do feel I need vegetables in my system to counteract the McChaos in my digestive system.

On that note, a good evening to you all. :)

:)

woke up to 139.6 this morning, great!

and, got woken up at 2 am by a Facebook message from my friend, inviting me to a studio apartment in Rome, Italy in a couple of months... needless to say, I wasn't upset about being woken up (my phone is my alarm clock, and she's in a faraway country, so her messages always come in at 2-4 am).

eeee, time to start planning!

just a brief thought

volleyball cures all that ails me.

no matter how bad a day I've had, I come away from it happy.

thank the lord for sports, adrenaline and good people.

amen.

I did it

The scale hesitated again, like it really doesn't want me in the 130s, but I got to 139.8! I know it's not muuuuuch into the 130s, but it's progress. Yay!

A delicious stroke of genius

I must say, I'm quite pleased with myself right now.

Today, with the minimal rations remaining in my fridge, I managed to concoct a most tasty meal. I strongly urge you to try it out. It's easy (if I make it, it's definitely easy), fast, yummy and filling. I will give you my basic recipe, but have provided tips to make it even better.

Mahi Mahi with Mango, Avocado and Tomato salsa

Basically, I pan-fried a piece of frozen (but thawed out) Mahi Mahi. I marinated it right before cooking with lemon/lime juice, olive oil and fresh cracked pepper and fleur de sel.

Just before putting the fish in the pan, in a separate, shallow bowl, I diced up about 1/3 of a large avocado (has to be a little firm), 1/4 of a large mango, and one small, firm tomato. I mixed that all together with lemon and lime juice, fleur de sel and fresh cracked pepper.

I cooked the fish and put it on top of the salsa and ate it all together. MMMMMMM! It's so simple and fresh.

It was amazing. It would be even better if you use fresh fish obviously, and fresh lemon and lime juice rather than the pre-made kind. It would also be slightly better to just sear the fish in the pan and then cook it in the oven to avoid drying it out. But considering I used frozen fish, pre-made lemon/lime juice, and pan-fried my fish, it was sooooo good. Also, I'm not sure what side of carbs would go well with it, but I imagine making some homemade crostinis with baguette, sliced very thinly, could be used as a yummy vessel for eating this. I personally wouldn't use rice or couscous, but maybe quinoa. Or I am sure some potatoes roasted with lemon and thyme or pepper would be a nice touch.

I ate the remaining mango for dessert. Yum. Now I have barely any food left, but I'm glad I'm managing to be creative with what I've got. I think that would be my specialty in the kitchen, since I certainly do not have advanced cooking skills.

I had a nice day today, and this just made it that much better. Hoorah!

and we're back.

Back down to 140 this morning, thank ze lord.

Slept well but my mattress is awful. I wish I'd returned it. Now, with the whole bed bugs craze there's no way to sell a used mattress. One of these days, budget permitting, I will get a down pillow top for it and pray that helps. For now, I sleep well on it, but I am constantly stiff and achy from it.

Otherwise, having a good morning so far. It's halfway through the week and I've got volleyball to look forward to. Work is boring, but I'm not complaining. I'd rather it be boring right now than crazy like last week, because my attention span isn't great right now and I am finally managing to make myself sit down and work for longer stretches of time.

I noticed this after the other depression I suffered when I was younger also. My memory and attention span suffered a lot, but I eventually got my focus back mostly. Obviously some things just change with age, but this last year of depression took it's toll as well. Oddly, and happily, I had fewer physical symptoms (when I was younger I suddenly had grey hair, ulcers, memory loss, etc.). This time it was mostly panic attacks and attention span problems. I'm still a little fragile emotionally, but I think I took good enough care of myself to stave off the depression earlier.

Now I'm feeling like me again. Happy, a little insane, excited about life. Loving the people around me and spending lots of quality time with them.

Okay, done rambling now. I've rambled a lot these days...

Creature of habit

I am just that, a creature of habit who's hard-pressed to adapt to the minutest of changes in her life. I wish I were more adaptable. Some would say I am, but there are limitations. For example: When I travel I seem to adapt to most situations quite well, as proven by my response to the many interesting situations I faced in Nepal and India. I also generally react to news with little shock or surprise and merely carry on. However, those are times at which I am very aware the situation is ephemeral, fleeting, time-bound.

Where I lack the ability to adapt is at home. My routine. My sacred routine. I periodically develop rituals. When I was younger it was prayer and meditation (yes, I used to meditate when I was, like, 12... I was always an odd kid I suppose). Later, it would be in my social habits. Now it is in my eating and exercise and cleaning and sleeping schedule. When it is thrown off by a change, it is completely thrown off. My motivation goes out the window. The good thing is, I've developed a persistence that enables me to get back on the proverbial horse each time I falter now.

Right now I am being moderately active, eating moderately well, and trying to do the best I can with the resources (time, money and energy) I have. I must admit, there are days like today when I am procrastinating big time (I could be getting all kinds of things done right now, but just feel uninspired). But I could be doing much better. I have a few valid excuses, and the rest is just lack of motivation. The good thing is, I thought I might be getting sick, so I went to sleep around 10pm yesterday and will do the same tonight to make sure I am rested.

Anyway, I have volleyball tomorrow and Thursday and cannot wait. I will eventually go stock up on groceries again. I have enough food left to get me through tomorrow on home food I think, but the pickins are slim. I was 141 lbs this morning, so no progress there. Bleh. Will be making resolutions in February.

Have a great night everyone.

You have got to be kidding me

142 lbs again and MINUS 22 DEGREES CELCIUS OUTSIDE!!??!! I sometimes wish I were a bear so I could crawl in a little hole for these colder weeks.

I didn't overeat on the weekend, plus I worked out, but I think the 142 has more to do with water retention than anything else... at least I hope. I had deeeeelicious sushi last night, but with the soya sauce it's pretty salty, even when I don't use much.

I so thought I'd get to 139 this week, so we'll see...

Have a great day. I certainly will not since I will have to pack on 4 layers of clothes again :) bbrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

I did it!

I hauled ass to a bootcamp class this morning. All things considered, it was surprisingly un-hard to do. Let's look at the facts:

1. It is -12 C outside and feels like -20. This is the coldest day of winter so far, by my recollection.
2. I barely slept the day before and really wanted to catch up by sleeping in.
3. I'm having a bit of a hard time motivating myself to do anything but light workouts these days, aside from vball.
4. I thought bootcamp wasn't happening this week and the class offered was yoga.

BUT:
1. It is insanely sunny, so I just piled 4 layers of tops, 3 pants, two socks, and one solid layer of tuque, yak's wool Nepali mittens, my super warm coat and boots and dragged my little feet uphill in the snow.
2. Strangely, I woke up at 8 am sharp and practically jumped out of bed I was so alert. I suppose my new work schedule is causing these earlier morning wakeups.
3. I had a special someone try to give me a bit of a kick in the ass to go to the class, and though I resisted, I guess it rubbed off on me.
4. I checked online and my regular Lululemon store was only offering yoga or this really scary-looking class for athletes, but the one in Westmount was offering a great "Strong is the new skinny" class (essentially a bootcamp class), and I could walk there for 1 hour of exercise en plus.

The Westmount store is obviously a little more upper crust (for those not familiar with Montreal, Westmount is the rich part of town, right next to my neighbourhood, which is one of the dodgier parts of the city :). Westmount reminds me a lot of where I grew up, so there's this mix of feeling very comfortable there, but being irritated at the same time ha! I'm always a paradox.

Anyway, what I meant to get at was that they not only had the standard bagels and cream cheese for class participants at the end, they also had orange slices, mango (kickass) and David's Tea. Not just any old green tea, the one they gave me was chocolate chai. Allow me to say HOLY F^&^# it doesn't get much better than that! I had a cold walk ahead of me, so I was more than happy to indulge. It's a very soft, light tea that doesn't taste too sweet or chocolatey (this is a good thing, to me), but smells incredible.

So I decided to stop at the grocery store where they bought their mangoes and pick up a bunch of fruit. I also bought some fresh smoked salmon from Quebec, so I am dying to go hit the shower so I can have that for lunch afterward. Then I may (in between laundry loads) go hang out at my new local cafe around the corner. My Central Perk, of sorts. Mine is called Cafe St. Henri. The decor is simple, and being quite sparse in terms of furniture, surprisingly cozy.

Later, I will be taking my friend out for his birthday with another friend of ours to a sushi place followed by shisha at our local hangout. None of it is actually local for us, but we're there enough to qualify as locals I think. Regulars at the very least.

Okay, off to take a shower, do dishes, laundry, sip coffee and sushhhhhh it up!

Damnit!

(she says, in a drawn-out whine, her voice broken by the stomping of her feet) I so thought I was going to be 139 this morning!!! But I was 141 again... Blaaaahhh!

Actually, it's no biggie, but I was a little surprised and disappointed. Mainly because I actually had dinner way earlier than usual and played volleyball, so I expected that, naturally, I would drop down. I guess not. I still got to see the scale flicker in hesitation, so I caught another glimpse of 139, but I need it to stick. Ah well, I guess that's not in the cards for the weekend, since I'll be having dinners out tonight, Sunday and possibly Saturday as well.

My mood did improve from volleyball, however, the team I play with on Thursdays is HORRIBLE, and since it's two sweet girls (who signed up for the COMPETITIVE league just to have fun, but suck and should be playing on the recreational nights) I have to bite my tongue. I don't like to make people feel bad for sucking, especially because I'm no pro either, but I get so frustrated that it takes the joy out of playing. After my two matches with my actual team, I joined a bunch of good players for "for fun" games afterward, and these games brought my mood back up since I actually got to play hard and move around.

I am sooooooooooooooo happy this week is so almost over. I'm already dying for 4 o'clock though. Ha! This week was a bit brutal work-wise, and I am looking forward to going out with two of my girls for a friend's birthday dinner, and being able to catch up, eat great food and drink yummy wine. I need to let loose. Look out!

I am cold. I know it's winter and January and all that, but still, why is it sooooo cold these days?! I have spent the last two weeks wearing leggings under my pants and layers and layers of clothing because I am just freeeeezing all the time. brrrr.

Signing off for now folks, have to uhhhh, do random stuff on the Internet to kill time before leaving for work.

oh and...

I totally missed my blog-iversary! It was on the 8th. So thank you to anyone still reading and to those who read when it was most important for me to have a support network... I really did it, and it's largely thanks to having supportive people and a space to voice my thoughts...boring as they may be :) Here's to another year of challenges and opportunities to overcome them!

Just a glimpse into the past

I stepped on the scale this morning and almost, almost 139... the scale hesitated, but finished at 140.4... But I did SEEEEEE 139, if only for a split second. I think I'll get there soon and I will relish in it. I haven't seen 130s since I was maybe 14 years old...

I am melancholy today. Philosophical. Godamnit I hate PMS. I know the grass is always greener on the other side, but sometimes I wish I could exchange my mood swings for cramps... but not really ha!

Now that I have clearly identified my cycle, I recognize the PMS mood swings coming on much earlier. Men out there won't be able to get this because they think either a) PMS is just an urban legend, or b) PMS = she be crazay bitch for the next few days.

For me, I don't really get very many physical symptoms, I'm pretty lucky that way, but PMS mood swings are nothing like just being bitchy. I go from insane highs to really low lows, sadness, anger, excitation, randiness ;), all of it... The only difference between this and regular every day reactions to life is the intensity with which I feel it inside. I recognize that feeling now almost immediately, when I realize there IS no reason for my mood outside of my own head.

For example, the other day, for absolutely no good reason, I felt sad first thing in the morning. As I got to work, it was instantly a bad day. There was no escaping the fact it was going to be a bad day regardless of my mood, but my mood was so intense I felt like standing up and walking out of the office literally the entire day. I even started looking at travel deals at one point. I know, dramatic. But even though I recognize it's a PMS mood swing, I still feel it. The advantage of acknowledging what it is is that it enables me to control my behaviour a little more, so I don't say or do anything I will regret, like walking out on my job.

PMS mood swings are real, and intense, and there's no Advil for it. Grr. I have volleyball shortly though and god it feels good to be playing again. So my mood will most likely be back up about 15 minutes into my game :) and for the rest of the evening.

Stopped at a local soup place for dinner (no veggies to go with my meat or fish at home), so I have Tex Mex delicious beef chili with a multigrain bagel with butter...sooooo grood. you heard me, grood.

Okay, I'm just rambling now because I am killing time until I leave for volleyball. I hate having to wait for it, I get so excited to just be there! It's like being 7 and finding out you're going to Disney World in one year from now... the frustration of anticipation almost cancels out the brief excitement. No but seriously folks, I am an overgrown child if you hadn't noticed.

I guess I have nothing else to say. bleh. sorry for wasting your time with my ramblings, but I needed it.

Reflections

So I've decided this morning was a good time to take some measurements for 2011 and check in to see my progress over the year. I realized recently that I surpassed my original goal by 10 lbs, but I am 10lbs away from the new goal I had set myself for this time. I am not stressed about getting there though. I know things have slowed down since I moved, with Christmas and moving and winter, etc...

The great thing is that my measurements are down so much from this time last year. Let's have a look-see (the number in brackets is the total inches lost since January 2010.

Neck: 11.5 (-2)
Chest: 31 (-6)
Ribs: 28.5 (-3.5)
Waist: 26 (-10)
Hips: 32 (-9)
Butt: 36 (-7)
Thighs: 21 (-5.5)
Weight: 141 lls (-45 lbs approx.)

I find it insane I lost 10 whole inches of fat off my waist and still have plenty to go around :)

I am impressed, but to be completely honest, humans always forget the pain, so it seems so simple in hindsight ha! The hard part (in hindsight, again) was all the years of pain that led me to my breaking point. Once I reached that point, there was no stopping me! But I must acknowledge that there is clearly a recipe for effective weight loss, and I found it:

1. relying on a network of supportive people day in and day out
2. exercising most days of the week, while giving yourself breaks
3. counting calories and ensuring you get enough of every food group
4. never giving up. If you DO give up for one week, see it as giving yourself a break, but not a failure, and start over.
5. adapting your sleep schedule to make sure you have the energy to sustain this.

Other things are important too, but sadly it seems that most people aiming to lose weight are doing so more for aesthetic reasons than overall health. Either one is fine, but one is a bigger motivator. So my process included consulting a doctor for a checkup, getting blood tests done, sleeping well, addressing some emotional problems, getting financially stable, eliminating negative and unsupportive people from my circle, and so on... I want to continue to work on my emotional/intellectual health through more reading, cultural activities, challenging myself, volunteering, etc... Whatever it takes to maintain my self-esteem.

I am not slacking off totally, and frankly, I need to take some time to enjoy all that's happening in my life right now, and slowly get back to the discipline of weight loss.

in a jiffy

I don't have much time to write. I am running a bit late for having put together a nice pita for lunch with sun-dried tomatoes, pine nuts, goat cheese, orange peppers, tomatoes, lettuce... mmmm.

I was 141.0 this morning. So things are still in the same range. I imagine that by the weekend I'll be at 140 for good because of two nights of vball in a row. Then I have to figure out my finances to see what kind of exercise I will buy myself for winter other than vball. Will it be bootcamp? African dance? Kickboxing? Or some other new and exciting treat?

I am still home-making all my meals, but I ran out of almost all my fruits and veggies as of this morning, so I'll have to go stock up maybe tonight or tomorrow. I'm defrosting some veal scallops for dinner and for tomorrow's lunch. A lightly cooked piece of veal with just a hint of lemon and pepper is delicious!

I just have to add that I am feeling great these days. I am really starting to appreciate my body for once, AND, having clothes that are suited to my body and my tastes makes a huge difference. Also, I've been pampering myself a lot lately with facial scrubs, manicures, baths (all at home) and my skin is looking great. It's refreshing to look in the mirror and not cringe, it feels... light.

Off to work I go, I go.... lalalalala.

the ins and outs

I am getting back into the exercise thing, slowly. At least my eating is back in line. I love that it mostly comes naturally now for me to want and eat relatively healthful meals, but getting into cooking after even a brief hiatus is always a struggle. I am back at it though, and my body is happy.

As for exercise, well Friday I took a good walk up the Drummond hill at lunch, like I had been when the weather was better. Wednesday and Thursday I took big, long walks also. I waffled about what kind of workout to attend yesterday, and chose to go to Bodylicious, which is essentially zumba. I'm glad I did; it was just enough of a workout to break a sweat and get my heart pumping, but not painful at all. I don't think it's a good idea for me to jump into a bootcamp when I haven't done anything like that for months...

My weight is still between 140-142. I know I say this at every milestone, but I still feel like when I see that I am in the 130s I will have a heart attack. I am now aiming for 130, but since my body likes to plateau at the 3-lb mark, I think 133 is MY weight. I think that is where I will look and feel right. I feel like I am almost at a great size for my height and for what I think looks and feels healthy. Anyway, that's most of the battle done, afterward is the really tough part: staying motivated for the unrelenting effort of fine tuning, when you see only small results at a time. And results that are difficult to maintain in the long term. But I still do see a point of me doing that nonetheless. It will take more than one year of good habits to undo 27 years of bad, and it will take more than one year for me to build lifelong habits.

Today I skipped out on a cross-fit class, but decided instead to take yet another looooong, cooooold walk outside. This time it was under the guise of having to walk to the Old Port to pickup cupcakes for a friend whose birthday is tomorrow, who I am seeing tonight. We'll be treating him to dinner sometime soon, but I couldn't just NOT mark the occasion. Plus it gave me a reason to walk for two hours. I'm like that: I need objectives, tangibles, goals, missions. You tell me I have to accomplish something, I will do it as long as I believe it is valid. I am competitive, so missions are like a mild competition with myself... 'will I accept, will I sit on my laurels... I have to accept, there is no other choice.' When I am accountable to only myself it is far less effective. I have guilt working in my favour. I am much more apt to do something if I feel like not doing so would disappoint someone...ha!

Alright, I am off to meet my friends, trying not to think about going to work tomorrow. Boy do I not want to be working. I want to be on a beach getting a tan and swimming in the ocean. That's one sensation I can always conjure up easily: the feeling on sitting on the beach in the shade/sun with the hot breeze and the sound of the water...ahhhhh. Okay, I think I'll meditate on that for 5 minutes before leaving, it does me a world of good.

Back to it! Good luck getting through another week of working toward your goals!

mini obsession

Okay, this has nothing to do with weight loss or anything really. I am just obsessed with this song, and with Adele now, and I didn't feel like re-posting on Facebook to explain what's so great about the song, so I will bore you with it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYEDA3JcQqw

First of all, the sound quality reminds me of old 50s music I grew up listening to. I have an immense appreciation for music because as a kid I went through each generation, from about the 40s to present, and I have seen the evolution. I also usually pick up references to old songs, which can be a bad thing since I find most music repetitive, unoriginal and boring. I have gotten out of touch with music in the last 5 years or so, only listening to whatever comes on the radio, so when someone showed me this song it was a revelation.

Her voice is obviously magical, with soulful, jazzy scratching and powerful belts, and she recently started learning about bluegrass/country/gospel, which is apparent in this song, especially with the backup vocals.

Whoever composed the instrumental arrangement and the lyrics was a genius. This song evokes so many different feelings it's hard to pinpoint just one. It is inspiring, sad, powerful, desperate, glorious, hopeful and reminiscent. There are so many layers of old music within her voice and the sound style that it makes me think of my childhood, then the lyrics make me think of my recent past, and the hopeful, upbeat intensity-building makes you look toward the future. The drumming made me think of the incessant drumming in the soundtrack to There Will be Blood, which was phenomenal.

If ever there was a song that actually moved me, this is in my top 10 for sure... Oh and whoever directed the video is a star as well.

unlike my last post...

So I won't be wordy like my poetic post of yesterday.

Just a quick note to say the spinning/yoga intensity thing was cancelled (boooo), and the weather isn't great for driving, so my replacement plan of going to Zumba is now out. Instead, I'm opting for the classic "long walk outdoors" again. My friend and I were supposed to exercise then meet for coffee, but we'll combine the two since the weather's not too bad, it's free to walk, and it's the simplest option at this point.

I am at 140 officially, so I am thrilled. I received a lot of very, very nice compliments from everyone today. It pays to finally have clothes that fit in my somewhat funky style. Suits me.

I am a little down because I was so pumped for vball, then spinning, then zumba, and now I'll be settling for light exercise, but hey, it's nice to get outside...

Food is all homemade as usual this week, and I feel so much better...Okay, off to cook something up for dinner...

A near-perfect day

I made it through my day. I must say, I am tired and ready for bed now, but I earned it.

1. All my meals were fresh and home-cooked.
2. My work day was satisfactory.
3. I committed to getting exercise, so despite learning that volleyball isn't starting until next week, I kept my word. I drove myself out to the mountain, layered like a mille feuille in clothes, and took a 50-minute walk to the lookout.
I'll get back to that in a minute.
4. I met up with a good friend for some really interesting conversation.
5. I took a bath and pampered myself a little, and my skin is looking good now that I'm eating well again.
6. I'm about to get what I anticipate will be a good night's sleep. Ahhh!

So about that walk...

If my toes (inside two layers of socks and some hardcore Caterpillar boots) had not been frozen solid, I would have kept walking for another hour. It was dark, but my walk began alongside the ice rink, where families were enjoying a brisk, late-night skate to the soft tunes of the moment under the glow of the Christmas lights that adorned the surrounding trees and chalet. On I walked along dark, barely lit paths, with stunning city-light panoramas peeking through the barren, crackling branches.

At first my mind was filled with thought. One on top of the other, moving to the forefront and fading back like fleeting black flies. Gradually, being completely alone, the chaos inside dissipated, leaving me just the space to hear myself in all of it. A big, goofy smile across it.

I got to the lookout and stood a mere moment to take in a more inspiring scene than the usual, ground-level, brown-washed, slushy landscape of my workdays. And as always, like a kid, I was perhaps more than deservedly excited about the seasonal lighting atop the highrise in which I work.

The silence is pure. I don't understand how anyone can fear silence. Feel lonely in silence. Feel threatened. Maybe it's the fact I have a certifiable imagination, but the quiet in those winter nights is an unparalleled escape and the only time I really get to feel like I am here. It may be surprising to you, but I don't have the words to describe it. You may have encountered the feeling before, but it is the silence that allows you to hear just one voice, and reflect properly on anything.

Alright, enough yammering. I felt like letting out some words today and got carried away. As a translator I end up using the same business-jargony bullsh-- volcabulary day in and day out, so having had some time for my mind to rest, I felt an avalanche of words coming on, and you were my unwitting victim.

I promise not to do it again :) And I take it back, the day was perfection.

***Note: I got to 140.8 legitimately this morning eee. Tonight I am going to a two hour class that combines one hour of spinning and one hour of yoga... wish me luck!

Another day, another wonder

So, I am officially back into eating home food :)

This morning (and yesterday) my breakfast was my usual kiwi, Greek yogurt with (today) strawberries and blueberries or (yesterday) pineapple and strawberries and some Kashi Go Lean crunch with a drizzle of extra pure maple syrup. mmm mmm good!

My lunch was rather unimpressive since I hadn't enough time to prepare something cohesive, so it was this flavoured smoked salmon (I meant to buy the maple but got all dressed by accident, and it was too salty for my tastes). I accompanied that with pepper slices, a nectarine, some sourdough rye crackers and hummus. I followed that up with a brisk 15-20 minute walk at lunch, just to try and at least fit that back into my routine. I do need to find a routine for the winter...

For dinner (and what will be my lunch and dinner today:) I was treated by the lovely man I have just started dating, who cooked me salmon with all kinds of nice veggies and sweet potatoes. Oh, and I ate another olive today. I am on my way to being one less notch of difficult. wahoo!

So I am back to 142, which is fine by me. If I get to 140 for real it has to be legit. And it will take this week of eating properly, and getting back into exercising to get me there. I thought I had beach volleyball tonight and tomorrow, but the schedules haven't been posted, so I am worried! I'm waiting to hear back from some teammates as to whether we have games tonight, I really hope so, really really.

Otherwise, life is grand. Yesterday, the guy at the local produce stand gave me the lemon I was about to buy for free since it was all I needed. I was thrilled. Life gave me a lemon and it made lemonade in my soul haha! I made it through my first day of my new schedule, and with a decent night's sleep, I am prepped for my second day of getting up earlier.

Alright, I must not be that awake yet, just realized I forgot to put on mascara, so I'm off to do that and then head on my merry way to work. Have a great day!

the battle of good and evil

It is a fine balance people like us (weight-losers) must strike between being healthfully focused on positive objectives and obsessively striving to achieve some unattainable idea of perfection.

I am going to be completely honest for a second. I am not seeking feedback on this, it's just something I worry about and try to avoid... This morning, with no food in the house and having eaten a light dinner very early yesterday, I finally got to 140 lbs. The scary part is that I was very excited about it, even though I know it's not healthy to skip meals and count that as weight loss... It worries me because I think I am healthy now, I think if I stopped now I'd be fine. I do not want to stop for now, because I have set an objective that I do truly believe is healthy, but these moments of irrational compulsive weighing and number-counting are troublesome.

I think as long as I point it out to myself and try to stop it before it evolves I will be fine. But I have always been one for extremes...

In any case, I did do something very positive: I went grocery shopping for the first time in months! I have now eaten a kiwi, some yellow bell pepper, some baguette with oil and vinegar, and I did something that shocked even me. I have always hated onions, but in the last decade, olives have overtaken the onion in my list of least liked foods. I decided (since I turned down olives at someone's home the other day and felt crappy that I can't just be one of those uncomplicated people who will eat anything) that I would give them one more shot. I bought myself some high-quality, organic Kalamata olives and ate one in between bites of baguette. It turns out, it wasn't that bad at all. I think there's even a chance that I could like them with time. I have always loved vinegar and most pickled foods, so I think olives are now within the realm of possibilities... I am happy about this.

I did a lot of random chores today like vaccuming, bringing the summer tires out to the shed, picking up around the house, washing my fruit/veggies, etc... I am tired though because I couldn't sleep at alllllll last night and had to work from 7am to 8am to submit a project... So now the debate is whether to nap THEN walk, or walk in the sunny weather and THEN nap...dilemmas dilemmas.

In any case, I have some chicken marinating in the fridge for dinner, in lemon, garlic and pepper. I'll probably make a huge salad with my homemade dressing since it has been so long since I've eaten my own food, and I love my salads :) I think I may also just suck it up and go for a walk now, grab a nice coffee drink from a local cafe, and then come home and relax for the afternoon...

2011 is starting off well. Now I have to motivate myself to sign up for kickboxing...eee!

And so it begins... Entering 2011

Welcome to the future folks! How does it feel?

For me, a late night combined with a little bubbly and too-late desserts means today feels exhausting, but my night was incredible, so all's well in the world. New Year's Eve just happens to be my very favourite moment of the year. Even at the peak of my depression last winter, New Year's Eve was a joyous celebration with my friend's family. I have NEVER felt low on that day in particular, because I always have this illogical feeling that everything will be better just around the corner, but I also feel blessed to have what I have.

That could not apply more this year. If I had been truly open on this blog, you would be able to understand the depths of meaning I associate with this new year. But what matters most is that I stuck to my guns without wavering, without succumbing to anything or anyone who might have tried to get in my way... and I am better for it. I feel like I am 'me' again, something I had lost for years. I don't know if that has ever happened to you, but feeling lost for that long is scary. Nothing feels better than feeling like you're choosing the right life for yourself.

I have lost 43 lbs at least, and am striving to lose a further 10 by the end of winter. From then on, I will continue, year after year, to focus on keeping myself healthy. I lost 10 inches from my waist, and almost the same from all other body parts. I can look at myself and be proud, and even if I will never see myself as whatever I believe to be perfect, I am much more accepting of the fact we all have flaws and you need to stop focusing on them so much.

I dropped some bad habits and took on some good, and for 2011 I'd once again like to work on not swearing so much. It tarnishes my reputation as a cunning linguist :) Otherwise, I want to continue to work on doing what I really feel is right for me, and being there for the people I love. I needed to be a little selfish the past year, so now's my chance to start giving back. Speaking of which, I need to get back to volunteering...

Anything that happens now is icing on the cake. When you feel good about yourself, EVERYTHING is icing on the cake because you have an inner satisfaction that is unparalleled.

I hope that you continue to pursue personal goals, improvements and ambitions, and that you are rewarded for doing so. Best of luck in 2011! Big smooooooch!