Oh the symbolism. First, my 200th post I officially dub the symbol of my escaping my close brush with 200 lbs. I know of fellow bloggers who would be happy to get to 200 lbs, and I wish them enough persistence to get there and beyond. But for me, 200 lbs at my height would have been a major blow, and I am convinced that if I had reached 200 lbs I would have kept going and going. I had enough health/bone issues at 183 to know that 200 would have been a mess for me considering all my other bad habits.
So this being my 201st post, I have symbolically overcome that fear. I have realistically put 30 lbs (since I wasn't yet AT 200 lbs exactly) between me and there, and I am no longer afraid of gaining a pound or two. I certainly want to lose more, but I am not in such a rush about it, but am still committed to it.
When I did the Game On! challenge I found most of it relatively easy because I had been training myself to eat well since January, but the rigidity of the diet was the push I needed to cement my habits and now that it's over I can really tell it worked. I make healthy choices without any resentment, fear, stress or compulsion, and I am more acutely and innately aware of the true value of certain foods.
Diet Coke, which was my biggest addiction left, was the hardest to cut. And now that I have had the chance to start drinking it again (and I was very excited to be able to indulge in it after the challenge was over), I have had it once or twice on it's own, and once in a mixed drink. Summer is the time when I have it most because I like alcoholic drinks with Diet Coke and I like it with BBQ meals, but this will calm down in fall.
Sugar is also a funny thing. In the diet I realized it's very hard to give up sugar at first, but it becomes second nature almost right away, EXCEPT I still felt the need to sweeten a lot of my food just a little with honey or maple syrup, which is mostly all I use anyway. I have begun cutting the sugar in my rare coffees, and try to use less sweetener. I have also continued to buy sugar-free bread just because it is actually really good. I didn't eat a lot of sweets in general, but now I am aware of the sugar in most foods and I make choices (today I put back a juice I was about to buy in favour of the apple I had brought to work as a snack).
I always tell myself that if I still desperately want whatever I am craving later, that I will allow myself to have it. The craving usually dies and then I feel fantastic about the choice. When the craving doesn't die, I try to limit myself by buying a very small quantity or giving the rest away or throwing it out, for the sake of my health. If I eat it all, I work it all off with exercise and proper eating the next day. For example, I've been craving McDonald's for months. I've managed to stave it off through education about the nutritional value, however, I have made a deal with myself to have it in September (a year from the last time I had it, I think).
Sorry for the rambling, but I am bored at work. So I will keep rambling until I have something to work on :) Perhaps I'll break it into a few posts though...
So for the teacup reference, this is a symbol of my celebrating my body type. First of all, I am very grateful for my body because it functions almost perfectly and I am very strong. I am also thankful because even though there are things I find unattractive about my body, I know that it is not bad and in fact looks pretty good for someone who had previously really let myself go for years. So I am trying to accept that I am short and stout (I've never actually had a problem being short, it's the stout part that got to me). When I lose a bit more weight I would like to be able to wear shorts/skirts that show my legs. I know I won't have the most feminine/modelly legs, but mine are thick, athletic, muscular legs and I could do worse.
Now that I don't worry about my health at all I can start focusing on the little stupid things like this that will improve my self-esteem and self-acceptance. I think I am almost where I want to be in terms of self-esteem: I finally don't find myself disgusting, hideous, etc. and have learned to care for me whether I am fatter or thinner than what I want to be... However, I have my moments where I find it disconcerting to see myself and find myself too this, too that...
Alright, I am bored with boring you. I will stop rambling now. Point being that all is slowly getting to almost semi-perfection in Leanne-land.
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