Hair and stuff

Erika from Fat like Me has been writing about her hair lately and I thought I should also mention that I've noticed I am losing a lot of hair since I starting shedding pounds. However, ever since I cut my hair shorter, it's insane the amount of hair I leave around the bathroom and pull out in the shower. I think it might be because I got my hair cut just before doing the weight loss challenge in July/August, when my weight loss accelerated.

Apparently ("they" say) this hair loss is completely common because of the hormonal changes resulting from weight loss, just like when you lose hair during pregnancy. Anyhoo, I'm only a teensie bit worried for now.

I am sitting here enjoying a bowl of Kashi, Greek yog (vanilla because they had no non-fat plain last week) and raspberries/blueberries and maple syrup. This grey weather is really a bummer, but yesterday's volleyball put me in a better mood. I played for two rounds with my new team. Technically they are last in the standings, but they are better to play with than my team last week, so I am thrilled. Then I played with another team for two more rounds, for a total of about 2 hours of play. The second set of rounds was intense. I was diving left and right and I feel it today. I am looking forward to tonight's games anyway :)

I signed up for a THIRD night of vball, on Thursdays, because I can't get enough and it was half price and its more competitive, so I will have more fun.

After a week of frustration about my weight, I think I'm getting back down. I think. I don't want to jinx it. My measurements are the same, and I feel like my fat has shifted back to its usual spots and has gotten used to being thinner me. It goes in cycles, and sometimes I am super flabby, then suddenly everything looks more taut as it was before. I could still use some toning, but every time I lose a few, my fat gets all flippy and loose.

I am at 152.4 this morning. I hope tomorrow I will see a lower number. I am working my ass off, literally, and it's not getting me very far. I have to remind myself to keep eating well and don't go crazy out of frustration.

Speaking of crazy, I went to a new fish and chips place down the street and had fried fish, chips, fried scampi with a curry sauce and a fried snickers bar. MMMMMMM. It was really good. I didn't gain any weight and didn't feel too disgusting afterward because I avoided fats all day and largely ate veggies and fruit, with a little bit of protein and carbs. I was "saving up" my calories for dinner. I absolutely love fish and chips and this spot gets my stamp of approval. If only they could turn their big fries into little skinny, greasy, matchstick-style ones, it would be my heaven.

Alright, enough about nasty (yummy) food. I don't want to tempt anyone. However, it's all about balancing it out with a LOT of healthy food the rest of the time, so there's no guilt and no weight gain.

So glad it's Thursday, I am off to work now...

flusteration

I am eating very well, working out, and all that, and yet again, the scale is up a notch.

This is baffling.

Yes, I ate a fairly large amount of pasta last night, with a salad, but even that pasta was measured before so I knew about how many calories would be reasonable. My lunch was almost no calories, and I ate mostly fruit and veggies all day...so once again, I am at a loss.

All I can do is persist and hope I break through the 152-154 barrier. I keep getting so close to 151 and then a slight bump back up, and I spend my whole week trying to get back down, getting nowhere really. I worked out well yesterday after work, with 30 minutes of intervals on the bike and pushups, sit ups, dips, squats, lunges, obliques, and so on... I am taking tonight off since I have volleyball tomorrow and Thursday.

I was hoping also to get to 151 because I am going to be trying out a brand new fish and chips place tonight. I've been eyeing it since I first spotted it a week ago, and the reviews are very good. So I asked a friend to go with me, and I am pretty excited. This means that today I will need to eat light as well, so I don't go overboard with calories.

I am loving being thinner, but not so much liking being in between two pant sizes and therefore not having clothes that fit and not having the money to buy clothes I'll only wear for a month or so. Today, as has become necessary of late, I am wearing leggings to work, ugggghhhh. This is not work appropriate, but my only other option is to wear the same jeans I wear all week or my one skirt that fits (but then I have to wear heels and I don't like that).

Alright, 'nuff whining, I am in a pretty good mood these days actually so rainbows, butterflies and lollipops.

a new week

I am starting over, once again.

After throwing a hissy fit over a couple of pounds all weekend, I am back to it.

I only walked on Friday and gave myself a day off on Saturday. Sunday though, I went to a free cross-fit class, which was pretty great workout wise. I ate a massively enormous brunch, so the rest of the day I merely ate a salad and a few fruits, since my entire brunch was protein/carbs.

I am back down to 152. I am really going to have to push myself this week if I want to achieve my goal or get close to achieving it. Tonight I will have to workout at the gym because indoor vball is still cancelled until next week. Tomorrow I will take the day off and then Wednesday and Thursday I will be playing volleyball.

It's a time of year when I am very sluggish and lazy. If the sun would come out I'd probably be fine, but this grey weather hits me like a bag of bricks. No excuses though. I've come this far, I can't give up so close to my goal... I only have until Christmas after all, and Thanksgiving is on it's way.

Have a great day!

Struggling

After all that excitement about getting so close to 151, and potentially achieving my goal of getting to 150 by next week, AND after eating mostly carefully all week... I am HEAVIER. I have thought of everything: the little desserts I've indulged in, the alcohol, the fewer workouts, muscle gain, salt intake... If it looks like I'm obsessing, it's because I am. I don't know, my moods are all over the place lately and this weight thing is suddenly a huge issue this week.

I find this sudden (slight) jump back up on the scale very mysterious. I had started dropping with exercise, and I did SO much exercise on Thursday. However, the rest of the week I worked out once and played a pretty week set of volleyball. I also took walks, and all this combined is not as much as usual, but still more than enough to at least maintain my weight. I have been extremely careful with all my meals out to include veggies and avoid bad proteins, high fat, etc. I have turned down loads of desserts, while still eating some, but within my calorie requirements... The alcohol could be the culprit, but why only a day later? I ate light yesterday, and not too much salt. The only thing that has changed is a slight "digestive" change without daily kiwis and cereal to move things along faster.

Today I am just not motivated enough to go to the gym. I am looking to give myself a break and start again tomorrow with a new attitude. I will be doing a free cross fit class at a Lululemon store (I just discovered they offer free classes, which is fantastic for broke people looking for new workouts to do).

I ate two kiwis to get my system started (I woke up at 9ish and didn't eat until 1, after grocery shopping, so all I had was about 6 glasses of water). Then I cut up two tiny yellow potatoes and sauteed those with local garlic, I made some asparagus with pepper and lemon and two eggs. It was a very well-proportioned meal and I was careful with the salt and oil/butter.

This evening, I am preparing for a large meal of very healthy and delicious sushi from my favourite place, so I ate a substantial brekkie so I can not eat lunch in between. I will probably snack on a fruit or some veggies in an hour or so. I will spend my evening with my friend who's just had a beaaaaautiful baby girl, and the lovely one herself (Sarah), and then head out later to a club to meet some friends celebrating one of their birthdays.

Alright, back to laundry and resting and moping and feeling sorry for myself for being in a funk. I'll be better in the morning after sleeping on some sashimiiii!

Le bootcamp.

Well I survived :) Actually, it really was not that tough. It WAS proper bootcamp style with lots of push ups, abs, running and squats, but the group was a fun mix of not-so-fit people. I was scared that my trainer's clientele would be insane workout buffs, but instead there were two gay boys, one overweight and the other rake-like, one older man in pretty decent shape and two girls, one who looks good but is out of shape and the other who is quite fit (although she was on one of my favourite local TV shows so she kind of has to be in decent shape too) haha!

At the end, they told me I "was the best one, it was nice to watch". I find that hilarious because no one has ever said I am nice to watch, because when I run I am a little chubby, muscly thing... not some long, graceful runner. And I also make noises when I am struggling through my workout, including light moaning and grunting hahah. Anyway, there were only 6-7 of us this week, but there will be more later on, for now it was just hard enough to be a worthwhile exercise, but not so hard that I puked up my dinner (which I ate at my favourite cafe in the area right before). I also walked to work, walked at lunch, walked to and from the parc for the bootcamp and then walked home from my friend's, for a total of about 2 to 2.5 hours of walking.

In less exciting news, I still weighed in at 152.6 today. Last night I weighed myself (I sometimes do this because I can approximate how much I will weigh in the morning and avoid potential shock, and by the way, this obsessive behaviour WILL stop once I have achieved the goal weight, I know it's too much). I was 153.8. Now, by my usual patterns, that would mean I'd weigh in anywhere between 150.5 and 152, but I was so sure I would get to see 151 for the first time... I blame it on drinking half a bottle of wine last night late. I think I have actually lost the weight, but the late night aspect is what threw things off. There's no way I walked for 2 hours and did a 1-hour bootcamp and ate normally and did not lose a pound.

This is important because I'd like to hit the 150 milestone by October 1, but with my back being out last week and Monday volleyball cancelled for two weeks, this has thrown off my game. Once I hit 150, I will maintain that until Thanksgiving, after which I will begin my Game On! challenge again, this time just with myself. That should help me lose another 7-10 lbs and then the last boost will be leading up to Christmas. This is going to take dedication, which is something I don't have much of these day, because my social life is a major barrier to weight loss (mainly because I see my friends at times when I could workout).

Anyway, all that ranting about a few pounds and I feel ridiculous, but hey, that's what I started all this for...

Summumma beach!

So the Fall beach vball season kicked off last night with a confused, muffled bang.

Up until yesterday, when I logged on the site, I was part of a team called the Goof Balls (I sign up as an individual and they place me on a team). The Goof Balls were supposed to start at 9:20 pm. So I come home from work, thinking I really need to pace myself otherwise I'll go crazy waiting to play. So around 6:15 I started making dinner.

At 6:25 I re-checked the schedule just to be sure, and alas! they switched me to a team comprising all individual registrants, and we would be playing at 6:40!!$$$#!@% So I took my potatoes and eggplant out of the oven, put away my fish and asparagus, and ran out to the courts.

When I got there, my Summer team and my current indoor court team were there, as they formed one team. I was not part of it because I wasn't planning on signing up for beach in the fall until recently. So I met my team. They are very nice people, but not very good at vball. Since it's recreational, I don't get too worried about how people play (it's not like I'm some great player or anything), but I started to get extremely annoyed at one point because being bad = NO MOVEMENT. I do volleyball as exercise, and whenever you play against or with a bad team, you hardly move at all. This takes away all the fun for me. So I was trying to keep a smile on my face, after all, it's only recreational, but I have asked to be switched to a more competitive team. I need a bit more of a challenge in order to improve.

If they don't let me switch, they are offering spots on Thursday's competitive mixed league at half price...so I may end up playing vball 3 nights a week. Once indoor court, twice beach. I am anxious to see what they (they being the league organizers / court owners) say...

I am on track at 152. I was really hoping I would be able to visually see 151 today, but due to the vball confusion, I cooked my dinner when I got home at 8:45 pm, then decided to save it for lunch today at work and instead eat cereal with yogurt and raspberries and coconut and maple syrup mmmmm. Same thing for breakfast today by the way. I also had (last night) one piece of raisin toast with some olive oil margarine. Naturally, since I ate later than usual, my weight isn't as low as it usually is. Also, the minute I stop eating my daily kiwi, the ol' digestive system slows down a little. It's not that I have problems per se, it's just less consistent.

Anyway, I am pretty pleased with myself for 1) restraining from re-injuring my back; and 2)continuing to workout when I am not motivated... I know, the two sort of contradict but hey, that's me.

Tonight I have an outdoor bootcamp class with my ex personal trainer, in a beautiful park after work. He is very nice as a trainer, but I am scared of any class called bootcamp. However, he has been warned about my back and should go easy on me and the beginners.

Take care!

A step in the right direction

Well, my back feels almost healed, so I am very glad about that. I am also glad I forced myself to go to the gym yesterday. I have gotten out of the gym-going routine since I started doing so many other physical activities, but it's always a good backup plan.

I managed to do 20 minutes of 1-minute intervals at a faster pace than usual, and 10 minutes of brisk uphill walking. I followed with 30 pushups, interspersed with about 60 cross-fit crunches, the plank, 30 lunges with weights, 30 squats and stretching. My body is feeling so much better today. I had been having all kinds of weird pains all week and now most of them are gone.

So I weighed in at 152.6 again!!! YAY! This put me in a great mood too. I need to keep up my careful eating and exercise this week to get to 150 by month end (I hope). I have not bought groceries still, but the ex and I alternate between buying small batches of stuff. So this week I have been eating Greek yogurt/raspberries/cereal and maple syrup for breakfast (with kiwi of course), sliced veggies and a fruit as a snack, and I have been buying healthy-ish wraps and any meal that has a lot of veggies in it as well as protein. Dinners have been a mishmash. Last night I made a piece of trout with some potatoes and asparagus, and cut the meal in half to keep the other part for today's lunch.

It is extremely difficult to eat out and get enough good protein and vegetables. It is all too easy to get bad carbs and fat and sugar though. I have cut out my recently acquired daily habit of a double long espresso with raw sugar to start the day, and have gone back to my old ways of green tea. I love the espressos, but I can't have them without sugar, and green tea I can, so it ends up a healthier option.

Trying to cut back on sugar (especially the prevalent cornstarch and high fructose syrup, for example) is a surefire way to lose weight. I already only use raw sugar at home, and maple syrup/honey are my sweeteners of choice most of the time, but I am trying to cut back a little on foods with those sugar products in them as well. I wont cut it out completely, but you end up getting used to giving your body the sugars in fruit and veggies instead. However, since I started my weight-loss journey, I have developed quite the sweet tooth, which makes this a little harder.

I figure it's because I cut out a lot of my favourite rich sweets (cheesecake, ice cream, etc) which are not soooo sweet and instead full of fat. Now, having cut out the most caloric desserts, I am left with some of the lighter, albeit sweeter ones. I started the whole espresso thing in part to serve as a dessert treat :)

Okay, I am rambling about too many things today I think. My mind is all scattered and I am hyper. All that matters is that I feel like I am back in action and eating well, and I am still on track to becoming healthier and fitter. Great!

I hope you all have the strength today to continue with your hard work. Stay committed and it will all pay off...

Blessings in disguise

I have calmed down a lot since Friday :) It was a very, very rough day for me (read crash and burn), but two days with a good friend at her cottage tucked away in a beautiful forest in front of a tranquil lake with no one around was precisely what I needed. I spent most of my time playing with the new kitten, who is so adorable. I don't normally like cats, but this one is a bit like a puppy.

I was debating at length with myself about whether or not to take the chance of playing volleyball tonight. I did not exercise last week at all aside from walking, compromising my weight loss progress. I needed to give my back time to heal. I had thought about skipping vball since my back isn't totally better, but I probably would end up going anyway. Alas! I received an email this morning announcing that volleyball is cancelled for this week. While this saddens me, the child in me feels better not playing knowing that no one else will be playing either. I will start with beach volleyball on Wednesday and see how that goes, then I am supposed to try my ex-personal trainer's first outdoor bootcamp class. He says he will adjust it for beginner/advanced, so if my back's giving me trouble I'll tell him to go easy on me.

I met up with some friends last night upon returning from the cottage, and we had a blast. We had "le fou rire" the entire time because of all the absurdities we would bring up in between "real" conversation. What a saviour it is to have fun, good friends. Meeting people who share the same values as me and find joy in the simple things has been refreshing to no end. I am starting to feel fulfilled with my life.

Alright, enough la-dee-daaa, off to work I go I go.

Gripes

Feeling down, don't want to live today.

Don't worry, I feel this way often over the past year and I will not act on it, but I am not being dramatic either. This is me in 2010, dealing with my life and all that's happened. Mostly hyper and happy, with un underlying, repressed side of depression and suicidal thoughts. I do everything I can to stay sane, but every now and then my reality springs back to the fore. Then it's merely an exercise of putting things in perspective to realize that no matter what is lingering beneath the surface, my life just really ain't that bad.

So since I am in a shitty mood, I am going to whine for 5 minutes then I'll be done with it, focus on my work and get through to the end of the day so I can go to my friend's cottage and rest.

1. Weigh in was disappointing today. I was at 153 yesterday and this morning almost 155, and that was a little unexpected. I am not working out since I injured my back and the pain keeps coming back late in the day, so I figure I need to not extend my left arm at all if possible for the next few days, then try to massage and stretch it daily after that. I think not exercising (though I have been taking walks) is getting me down too.

2. I went to try on boots. I thought that after losing 30 lbs and inches off my legs I would be able to finally fit in some boots, but alas, my calves are still abnormally large for my shoe size apparently. Not one pair of boots under $200 fits me. I simply will not pay over $200 for a pair of shoes because I inevitably wear them all the time and ruin them within a year. I actually found a great pair of Canadian-made rubber boots for $50!!! And yes, the deliberately oversized leg hole was still too small for these sausages. I HATE MY CALVES! Only because I cannot ever fit into any pair of boots ever!!!!

3. I love having my lunches alone, to myself, but today was just depressing. I had some yummy sushi in some other food court where I wont see anyone I know, but I am in a 'hating people' mood, so I guess I probably should have tried to make a lunch and take a walk after like I usually do.

4. work sucks. I suck at it these days. I don't have the energy to focus or try harder and this really bugs me. It is being noticed and that is not a good thing.

Okay, whining over. back to work and I will do my best to try to smack on a smile and get through to bedtime :)

Still fat?

Okay, I don’t care what anyone thinks, I have to talk about this, as ridiculous as some of you may find it, because it is on my mind and frankly, well, this is MY blog anyway.

Here I am, one day further along in the process of weight loss. I have successfully lost over 30 lbs now, and have surpassed all my objectives so far. As I have lost the weight, my perspective has shifted and my goals changed, while I am fighting hard to not become someone who cannot ever be satisfied. For now though, I know I am still not in my “healthy” weight range, and not to my liking physically. I am an athletic person and I would like my body to be in top shape so I stop getting injured so often and my outside reflects all the healthy things I feed my insides J
Here’s the problem though. I have lost 30 lbs, which is a lot. And I now weigh only 152 lbs, which is not fat. BUT, one day I feel amazing about my body and really see a difference (mainly in clothing sizes, not in the mirror), and then lately, the opposite is true. I am at my lowest weight and now, more than ever, I am not seeing any difference and am feeling very fat. I can even grab overflowing handfuls of fat rolls when I am sitting. I am not talking about the layer of skin most skinny girls point out as a “roll” they’d like to get rid of, but substantial, meaty, inches-thick fat. And I have a flat stomach when standing, aside from a relatively small gut. My thighs still look gigantic to me as well.

Now I try to not be discouraged by these things, and be realistic as well: I know my body has been shrinking proportionately, and therefore, will look the same naked as it did before (with the exception of my stomach, which is now flat like before I got too overweight, and my face, which now has a visible bone structure). I try to remind myself that this is primarily about my health and not so much vanity, and that every thin person also has weird body parts they have to get used to.

I think what’s happening is that I used to have thicker, more solid fat that was harder to grab, tighter. Now, the fat is loosening, which is mostly a good thing if I continue to eat well and exercise, but looks very unappealing. I am pasty white which doesn’t help either J I just don’t understand why I really, honestly and truly see myself almost exactly the same way I saw myself at 186 lbs. In any case, I am keeping my next goal at 140 lbs by year’s end. I think that is just over what I am ‘supposed’ to weigh, but a comfortable weight for me to maintain. After that, 2011 will be focused on toning and trying to get rid of the flabby look.

Back in action

My back is a little better today :) I am able to stand up straight and sit up while breathing, which is a good sign. I had no other physical activities planned for this week, and would normally hit the gym chez moi, but I will take at least a couple days to rest since next week I have court and beach vball two days apart. I want to be able to play and avoid further damage.

I also finally cleaned my apartment, though the person living with me (the ex) has not done his half yet and it's driving me coocoo.

And lastly, I FI-NA-LLY! went to buy a few groceries. I was torn between buying a huge batch of stuff and having it delivered, or taking a bag with me and just filling that up. Since my back was in pain I had to be very choosy about what was essential. I managed to get everything into one bag and have enough food for at least a couple of days (healthy food takes a lot of space because it's mostly veggies and fruit). I just ate a bowl of Kashi high fibre cereal with some shredded coconut, pecans and maple syrup mmmmmm. I also prefaced that with my usual two glasses of warm water and a skin-on kiwi.

Yesterday I just made one big salad with tomato, cucumber, yellow pepper, mixed greens, goat cheese, pecans and turkey with my regular homemade dressing. We just got a huge batch of garlic from Quebec which is phenomenal. I strongly recommend eating local garlic if you have it. I always found that, while it tastes alright, the garlic we get from China smells like dog food. Quebec garlic is powerful and spicy, and has been life changing hahah! I also (bad me) had a few slices of baguette with olive oil and balsamic too.

I have to say that I've been very good and very bad lately. I have been very good in that I make sure to be conscious of what I am eating at all times, even when looking around for something "junky" to eat. I usually end up opting for products that are a balance between fewer calories AND not too toxic ingredients. I have been bad because I am focusing mainly on calories and not so much on content. I am allowing myself baguette at home for example, which is something I now leave as a treat for outside the home like ice cream and chips. BUt all is not lost. I am making sure to get enough protein and veggies as best I can, even when I eat out which is near impossible, and I haven't gained any weight.

Actually, as usual, I should have known that my TOM (time of month) was coming when my weight dropped to 152. I always hit my lowest weight before the scale creeps up with bloating. It's not so bad anymore though. Since I have started drinking so much water, I bloat for about 2 lbs as opposed to 4-5. My weight has been mostly between 153.8 and 154.6, but it was slowly going downward. I hope this back thing doesn't set me back too much. I have to be careful now...

I realized that I am only 12 lbs away from my goal now. eeee. While I haven't been as committed as before, a lot of my healthy habits are now ingrained in me and have become routine. I realized I wont need to go to the gym this fall because I will have enough activities outside of the gym. This makes me happy because when the sun starts rising later and setting earlier, I lose all motivation to go. I am usually pumped by January, so maybe I will start back up then. I am assuming I'll have moved by then and will have signed up for some gym.

Alright, I am off to work. Let's hope my back will hold up!

good and bad news

First things first, I weighed in at 152.8 today, yay!

Bad news: Threw my back out playing indoor court volleyball for the first time in about 15 years. It was actually my canoeing injury amplified. I am now at home, trying to keep my back in a neutral position, so excuse the brief post but I can't easily type.

Just a quick note to say we are in a competitive leage for court vball, as opposed to recreational, and it's a lot of fun. Totally different style of play, but fun. Thank god beach doesn't start again til next week though... need to give my back a break.

Have a good one!

Testing, testing

Well, I FINALLY made it to the gym for once. Thank god a few people have cancelled plans (normally I get angry at flaky people). I was actually giggly when I found out my plans for after work drinks and my Sunday plans were cancelled, so I have some time to breathe...sort of.

I decided to do grocery shopping...not for me of course, but for one of two birthday parties I must attend tomorrow, in two completely different and hard-to-access parts of town, without a car. For one of them, it is a potluck-a concept I have come to loathe-so I am bringing a bunch of ($$$) cheeses, fruit and crackers, because I never EVER have the energy, time nor interest to prepare a meal that a bunch of people will eat (I do not enjoy cooking for others, contrary to most people, there's simply too much pressure for me).

I then got to test out my new workout clothes, but since I ate a few squares of peppermint dark chocolate and a kiwi right before (to tide me over to my unhabitually late sushi plans for later) I felt like puking on the treadmill. I did a total of 15 minutes, with about 4 of those running. I then went on the bike for 6 minutes before doing some pushups,crunches, dips and squats. Now Im back and ready to eat.

I can vouch for Lululemon (again $$$) workout gear. It is worth every penny.

slumpish

Heya!

Long time no write. I have barely had time to shower over the last few days, or talk to my family, or see some of my close friends... I think I am a little out of control with constant plans with different people. I think next week I will spend some time by myself and tell people NO for once :) We'll see how that pans out.

My canoe trip was a disaster/amazing fun time! The weather was horrible for most of the trip, so canoeing was an insane physical and mental challenge. Then, instead of doing any portage, we stayed at our site the whole time to avoid breaking our arms in the same brutal conditions. The return home was the most frustrating because the water conditions were perfect, which made it painfully (in the most literal sense) noticeable that the guy on the canoe with me had no clue and I ended up hurting my back doing all the work.

The great parts were the people, who were all very nice and all the girls had crazy laughing outbursts all the time. We really got along well. The guys were also a lot of fun. One of the nights we had fire-cooked duck, potatoes and the guys had to go pick wild mushrooms too. We had about 500 lbs of food to haul up into a tree to hide it from bears, I guess that's what you get for travelling with French people ha! Great times, great food (for camping) and loads of bread :) I didn't gain a pound though even though I stuffed my face all weekend, mainly because of the canoe work.

Algonquin Park is beautiful, and we saw no people almost the entire time. I woke up earlier than everyone, so I'd enjoy my nice, quiet, warm mornings alone, and somehow, for the first time ever, I slept like a baby despite the humid cold.

Now back to the city, I've been having a rough couple weeks at work and am just trying to get through each day. I've spent most of this week hanging out with beach volleyball people and drinking more than usual. It's not out of hand or anything, but after this weekend I need to calm down a bit and get back to working out. Because of the insane social life of the past couple weeks, I haven't hauled ass to the gym more than once. I am still watching what I eat carefully and taking walks at lunch. I am now debating whether to add one more day of volleyball per week... tempting.

I am starting indoor court vball Monday, so I may also do indoor beach on Wednesdays. I will decide today.

I just bought expensive Lululemon workout clothes, but it was finally worth it. I needed tight-fitting capris for indoor vball (to go under knee pads), since I don't ever wear shorts. I also needed some tops made for working out, since I look like a sweaty greaseball when I workout in my cotton tees (I sweat more than most girls). It was a fully worthwhile investment, and I bought my pants one size smaller than usual in anticipation of further weight loss. (I squeezed into a 6 comfortably, but the 8s are technically the right size.) They are super cool and maybe I'll post a photo in my new gear soon...

Alright, I have to go to work. Oh, I forgot to mention I have no food at home so I've been careful about what I am eating 'out', but not nearly enough veggies and I'm definitely not eating enough food, but it's keeping me at 154 without working out and I am focusing on getting enough fruit, greens, protein and not excessive bread/wraps. So far so good.

Have a great day!

Debbie Downer

(sorry to Erika of FATLIKEME, I thought of this blog title and then read your latest entry and realized you called yourself this too, today ha!)

So I don't want to jinx anything, but the setbacks have already begun. Now, for reasons not my own, we wont be leaving the city until 5 p.m., right smack in the middle of long-weekend rush hour(s)... great! I had planned to leave work early and now have to stay and work my regular shift, though all I've wanted all week is to NOT be at work at all.

I am still pumped about canoeing, but worry that being this excited can only lead to disappointment when we get there excessively late and may even cancel tomorrow if thunderstorms persist.

In other news, the past two days I have been voraciously hungry, with bad food cravings and eating everything that passes me by. Luckily I am "good" enough to not overdo it, but I am more concerned about why this is happening. I have a feeling it's that eating less fulfilling foods (pasta instead of meat n' veg for example) is leaving me hungry after a few hours, whereas the "purer" meals leave me satisfied longer. I've heard of this phenomenon before, but have never experienced it before now so clearly, at least I think that's what it is.

I am still between 152-154, which is good considering I have only played volleyball this week and haven't been to the gym since Sunday, aside from 2-3 times I went down and came back up because people were on the machines I use. I also haven't been walking at lunch, except today. I was extremely lazy, tired, unmotivated and irregularly hungry this week, as well as exceedingly busy, so that does not make for a week of consistent exercise. I will try harder next week. I only have 3 more months to lose the weight I want to lose!!! Eeeeeeee!

I hope you all enjoy your long weekends. Keep your fingers crossed that I don't get rained out pleeeeeease!

countdown to canoeing

I am puuuuuuumped.

First of all, this crap week I've been having is almost over, to be finished off with a portage trip. Secondly, I weighed in at 152.8 this morning.

I didn't workout on Monday or Tuesday. Monday's excuse was laziness and fatigue (I took a half day off work sick because I was sooooo exhausted from Sunday--I hadn't slept all night after almost 4 hours of beach volleyball followed by drinking). Tuesday I actually went to the gym twice, only to find both cardio machines taken. I could have done elliptical, but I really hate the one we have here. I could have done weight training, but honestly I just didn't feel like it at all. Yesterday I played a few sets of beach volleyball, then-because our competitors didn't show up for the second round-we kicked a volleyball like a soccer ball for a bit. I had drinks with volleyball people afterwards, then took a long walk downtown and back for fresh air.

Food-wise, I have been buying food on the fly all week. Yesterday's lunch was a salad wrap and dinner was angus beef sliders (without the bun) and a big bowl of brocoli and cauliflower. I don't want to buy food since I am leaving tomorrow, but I feel I am missing veggies. So I am trying to make sure I buy lunches that incorporate some actual veggies (not like a sub that has a slice of watery tomato and lettuce with no nutritional value left in it, but actual, hearty chunks of preferrably not cooked veg).

Okay, I do have time to write more, but I will stop here to relax a bit before work. For some reason I'm way ahead of my usual morning routine.

Have a great week.