it's been a while

wow, how did I get to 140 this morning, from almost 136 two days ago? My theory: salt. I ate fairly well all week and weekend. My man and I usually go all out on Saturday night, but we weren't so bad aside from the bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs in which we gleefully indulged.

We had a pretty big scare in my family over the weekend, with my grandma sick in hospital. She's not doing great, but the outlook is much better than originally thought. So I spent some time at the hospital, then my parents arrived yesterday and I ended up eating at my aunt's place, and therein lies the source of the salt. Even though EVERYONE in the house is ALWAYS trying to lose weight, they keep bowls of chips and candy out for "guests". I always end up eating way too many regular chips, which I don't even like that much. I didn't go overboard, but the chips followed by two slices of pepperoni and cheese pizza they ordered for everyone (they were in no position to cook yesterday with everything going on) didn't help. I am almost positive my calorie intake was pretty low yesterday, but my salt intake must have been triple my usual... I'm hoping that's it anyway. Otherwise I'm actually back at 140 and I will have to be brutal with myself.

Speaking of that, my man is doing this eating routine (I'll use this instead of diet, since it's not so much about cutting as it is about alternating food intake patterns) that I will participate in somewhat. I am leaving soon for Italy, so I wont be able to manage it on vacation, but I should be pushing myself a little before I go.

I am slightly angry at myself, but not too much. I will try harder.

Have a great day!

and back...again

Once again, the weekend was a yo-yo in terms of weight, but I was surprisingly back at 137 this morning. I say surprisingly because PMS cravings had me eating anything that crossed in front of my face yesterday... I was very bad. But everything just tasted so good.

For example, I wasn't in the mood to eat the fish I had made the night before, so for dinner I ate smoked salmon with capers, then I made a huge salad, which is fine except I wanted a small one. Thennnnn, I made toast with PB and jam. Then I had some little cookies with my friend, then nuts, then a fruit... I was like that all day. It wasn't all bad food, but it was a neverending parade in my mouth.

Anyway, still trying hard to control my urges and stay active. :)

boo for me

Well, I knew it was coming but I am still annoyed at myself for not trying just a smidge harder to prevent it.

I am back up to 139 this morning. It will go back down, I know, but I am a little annoyed I probably wont make it to 136 this week. I was so close, at 137.2, but then a birthday dinner for a friend ruined me. I knew full well I'd eat a lot and I had been fantasizing about this restaurant for weeks, but I wasn't as careful as I should have been around my other meals, and I ate a bit excessively because I am too easily influenced by the people around me.

Yesterday, I ate tiny snacks a few times throughout the day, to stay functional but drop my calories down (I also had NO food at home). I went grocery shopping and stocked up on healthy fare, so I am about to start getting back on track. But I did eat a heapload of sushi, which was all healthy but makes me retain water. I think I'll be back to 137 soon. I was a whopping 142 yesterday morning, but that's not really accurate, since I ate until 2 am, so alllll that food was still fresh in my system.

Okay, time to go eat and figure out how to get in some exercise without having to spend too much time in the -13 (feels like -20) weather.

cravings...

And so the cycle begins again... the week of intense food cravings has arrived. So far so good.

I was still at 137.6 this morning, but I may be up a little higher tomorrow for a few reasons. It's okay, if anything it's water retention from soups I ate today, etc.

I love that I am still slowly losing weight and not plateauing. I am counting my blessings. I am constantly careful and mostly in control. I allow myself luxuries once in a while, like a big, blue-cheese-laden burger last weekend. The great thing is that since I have to be picky about the "cheats" I allow myself, I opt for much more fresh, healthy and tasty options. For example, while the calorie content may be similar, I would now opt for potatoes instead of chips, or a fancy, home-like burger rather than McDonalds, since the quality of the food I am eating is much better when you look at the bigger picture. If anything, controlling how I eat allows me to slow down and actually really appreciate the food I am eating. Everything is carefully chosen, even the fast food.

I felt like I hadn't eaten enough lately, so today I went for a few extras: with my chili for dinner, I asked for a multigrain bagel with cream cheese and one of those organic smoothie drinks that I love so much. I only treat myself to those once in a while, since I'm a firm believer that it's better to just eat whole, actual foods than things that come all pre-made. But I felt like I needed to amp up my fruit/veg content, so I had that, and lunch was a delicious tuna wrap (with spinach and tomatoes in it) with a sweet potato and basil soup that was delicioussssss.

Anyway, with my slightly larger than usual dinner, I feel satiated.

I played volleyball for 2 hours tonight and walked to and from it, for a total of 1-1.25 hours of walking. Good stuff! I may not have played yesterday, but I did much more walking than usual this week and did a tiny bit of swimming to boot.

I am drooling already in anticipation of my friend's birthday dinner tomorrow. We're taking her to an Italian place that I've nothing but great things about, and where EVERYTHING is homemade the day-of, including the ravioli/pasta, tiramisu and pizza dough... mmmmmm

Okay, to bed I go. Praying I'll magically be 137 tomorrow even though it's unlikely.

:)

back in action

was back down to 137.6 today, yeeeaaaahhh!

need to keep up this weight loss to get to at least 135 by the time I leave for Italy in 22 days!!! eeee!

yo-yo!

Hiya!

So I was back to 138.2 this morning, which is a great thing. I had gotten to 137.6 last week, but the weekend eating schedule was all over the place, so the weigh-ins did not necessarily reflect my actual weight. I was up to 142 at one point, but I am back down today.

I had a great and much-needed round of volleyball yesterday to quell my financial-obligation-related woes. The tension slowly released and I was doing some pretty wicked smashing near the end. Plus my serves were spot on tonight after two weeks of pretty horrendous serving. It helps that they have been putting the nets lower, so I can confidently smash the ball down in one graceful swoop without the fear of consistently hitting it out of bounds. God it feels satisfying to get a full hand-on-ball powerful spike.

I am eating rather well. Making do with some very slim rations at home and a few generous leftover donations from my man-friend and from my friend's birthday dinner. I am trying my hardest to save my dough ($), except my failed attempt to give up my double espressos. I've become hooked but it's a small, simple pleasure that keeps me from having cravings for sweets. Plus, I even cut back by one raw-sugar packet by adding a sprinkle of cinnamon. Ingenius I tell you.

Okay enough rambling, back to work.

what-whaaaat!

Booyah! 137.6 this a.m. wooooooot!

I am sure I will go back up a little though, but I'm relishing in this while it lasts. I ate a big lunch yesterday, and I was supposed to buy my dinner before volleyball, but I was so full that I couldn't and I ended up eating cereal for dinner. So that explains the weight drop, but hey, I'll take it anyway!

I am hoping to get as low as possible before going to Italy. First of all, I want to give myself "pant room" to eat whatever I please, and secondly, because I am seeing my friend for the first time in a long time, and all this time I have been looking forward to seeing her to show her the dramatic change.

The friend I'll be seeing in Rome was the person I spent all my bad months (leading up to my decision to take control of my life) being depressed, fat and smokey with. We were both in that situation and both of us are now doing super well. She is in Iraq doing work with the ICRC now, and she hasn't seen me since I was about 153 lbs, and I'm almost down 20 more. She has been really supportive and it's been her the person I most look forward to showing the "end result" of my weight loss.

So this weekend is chock-a-block with to-dos, and I'm stressing a little (I get a little overwhelmed when my list of to-dos is more than, say, 5 items long and it all has to be carefully timed and done in a single day. But yesterday I did a little brainstorming and came up with some ideas finally (gifts for birthdays, food to bring to a pot luck, etc.) and I am calmer. It's also because I am pretty mellow these days, so busy days have me all flustered.

I am off to work shortly and it is FAHRIDAYYYYYYY my friends, yeeeehaaaaw! I don't want to set the bar too high, but I think this weekend is going to be great.

p.s. Adele's CD 21 is AMAZING, and you should run out and get it asap.

Quite satisfied

This week has been a crazy one, but mostly for the people around me. It feels a bit like I'm standing in the eye of a tornado, occassionally getting whipped up into the spiral for a few loops and then thrown back to the ground to my peaceful little piece of tranquility. The great thing about being healthy and in good shape mentally and physically is that when obstacles arise, I am equipped to handle it with relative ease.

I have been 138 for the last three days, so I am very very happy about that. I dreamt last night that I suddenly dropped to 133, so it took a bit of the excitement out of my 138 haha! I am watching what I eat, and I used up every last thing in my fridge. I am waiting for payday to buy groceries... it's been quite a tight few months. But I am eating my home breakfasts and home dinners (up until today since I have no food left).

Life is still super these days. Aside from some fairly brutal mood swings last month, my mood overall has been at a 10 out of 10 in happiness. I try not to annoy people with it too much, especially those whose lives are not so easy of late, but people around me are generally thrilled for me because they never saw me this way in the last few years... But to me, this is just me. I can be pissy and moody and bitchy too, but I usually don't let it last too long because it's a waste of this short life... I could still complain about my finances and the still-unresolved ex-condo situation, but I will not. It is being resolved. It is not a matter of life or death. And with so many good things happening, it bugs me to spoil it. The main reason I want the matter dealt with is because then I can begin paying what it takes for some more workouts and more groceries and more dates with my wonderful man-friend and other friends too!

Off to work I go, I go. Glad it's Thursday because I get to play volleyball again and it's almost the end of the week, but a little bit stressed about the million-and-one things I need to get done on the weekend...aaaahhhhhhh!

Have a great day!

good news

I was back to 138.2 this morning :)

That, after a weekend chock-full of exercise. On Friday night, didn't do much in the way of exercise, but Saturday I spent the day walking leisurely-like with a friend to enjoy the beautiful day we had. And yesterday, not only did I hit a gym for the first time in about 4-5 months (10 minutes rowing, 25 minutes of running/walking and about 10-15 minutes of pushups, squats, crunches, dips, chin ups and other random things), but I then proceeded to walk 25 minutes home trudging through mountains of snow and slush. Once home, I decided to take advantage of the warm weather to dig out my car, which was buried under about 3 feet of heavy, wet heaps of snow. Not 30 minutes later I was heading back downtown to walk to meet friends, one of whom is injured and needs assistance to walk. So I definitely got in my exercise time...

Tonight, Wednesday and Thursday I have volleyball too, so this is promising to be a nice week. If only I could find time for laundry in all this ha! Woe is me...

a week down and nothing lost

but nothing gained.

I am in exceptionally good spirits this week. Work is alright, which is better than it has been for over a year now (mostly due to personal problems mind you), and we'll be moving soon to our old office space, where we have tons of natural light and an amazing view of the city. I cannot wait.

I am still hovering between 139-140 lbs. I ate rather carefully even when eating out, I played 3 nights of intense volleyball, as well as light volleyball on Sunday, yoga, and loads of trudging through 3-4 feet of snow, and have not lost a pound. I would be angry, but I can't say I've been pushing myself too hard. In terms of exercise it's all I can do right now, but food wise I can always improve. It just takes motivation and organization, two things I'm lacking these days. That said, still making very wise takeout choices for my lunches...

My friend life and love life are nothing short of great, I'm staying fit, I'm preparing slowly for my trip to Italy, my family is in good health... what more could a girl ask for? Nothing. I have been counting my blessings, quite literally speaking, every day lately. After the two last years I had, I realized how fragile it all is. It's rare that everything is good at the same time, and who knows how long this will last, but for now I am simply stunned at people's care and generosity toward me. I am very tranquil in heart and mind right now. Rare for me.

Bedtime!