mixed feelings

I'm having a strange day.

Packing up my life for the past 4 years is rough. Not only am I unmotivated, but it is bringing up many of the feelings I've needed to supress til now. I've been randomly bursting into tears, then those outbursts are followed by elated dances to my blaring music at the joy of change, moving out, having come so far this year.

I am supremely ecstatic about my new home. Not so thrilled about leaving behind everything I thought I would have for a long time still... I guess I have a very hard time with change. As impulsive as I am, I kind of like monotony and sameness. I find a great deal of comfort in it, since my mind is all over the place. It grounds me.

I try not to let myself dwell on the sad feelings of losing someone I care about and my home, and focus on the excitement of meeting new people, men, going out, being fit, having my own place, etc.

I worked pretty hard for an unmotivated person though. I think I'm about 70% done. I just need to get my stuff out of the storage locker and finish packing dishes, etc.

For now though, I'm going to meet up with some friends to vent, relax a bit and then get to bed early so I can wrap this all up by tomorrow.