better today

almost done packing. back aching. feeling satisfied at least.

so ready to just bring all this crap over to my new place. I have thrown out industrial quantities of stuff I just can't be bothered to lift.

report back tomorrow or Monday once my new Internet connection is set up...

:)

friday

lower case f.

Well, this ain't going to be a chipper message, but all in all, it's really not that I am extremely down right now either. I'm in a weird mood today, that's all.

I am still thrilled to be 145 and liking my body: what I previously believed to be the impossible.

I am exhausted. It's all for happy reasons, but no matter what being exhausted makes me cranky now that I am very used to getting good nights' sleep. I didn't used to mind being tired when it was my permanent state of affairs.

I'm moody because I am moving on Sunday. As I've repeated several times, this is full of mixed emotions. Most of all, this year has made me so emotionally and mentally exhausted that any change feels like a huge hurdle. I have come a long way since being dark and twisted day in and day out, but most of my changes have been physical rather than psychological. I have been waiting for the moment of living alone to start rebuilding my brain.

I'm moody about boy-related stories which I wont get into. I am an impatient person, and I am in a bit of a confusing situation right now. Waiting for someone to make his move and it doesn't seem to be happening...argh.

I took a cozy, drowsy long nap after work, which was amazing. I followed that with a gigantic, plentiful salad. I have almost used up all my food here, which means less stuff to bring to the new place on Sunday. I just want to enjoy tonight alone in my loft, because tomorrow I will be packing all day and it will be my very last night sleeping here. Four years and this chapter is almost closed. Sad. Well it feels sad but I know it will be good in the end...

Okay, enough blabbering. Sorry for the rant.

what's goin' on, what's goin' on?

Okay, so I have been eating dinner early, but not much earlier than usual. Maybe by about 15-30 minutes. I've also been exercising, but the same amount as usual. I've been eating well, but no better than I have been in my best weeks this year. Yet, I was 145.2 this morning.

This is astonishing. How the hell did I get from 153-151 to 145 in two weeks. Well I think I am forgetting something. When I arrived in Toronto for Thanksgiving I had gotten to 149. I thought it was just because I skipped a meal. After Thanksgiving obviously I went up to 153 again, and it took a week to come down to 149 again. I then dipped back in the 148s, but having bought groceries for the week (to avoid spending money I don't have on overpriced healthy takeout) pounds are shedding like cat hair. But in fact it's only about 3 pounds that I've drastically lost in the last two weeks, which is actually completely healthy. Aside from my recent nausea when I eat, which keeps me from overeating, I think I just broke my 153 plateau. Thanksgiving really did work. hahaha!

In a week or so I will probably pig out a little again, to throw my system for a loop. This seems to work wonders for reminding my body I am not starving. For now though, I'd like to sit back and acknowledge the fact I've now lost 40 lbs!!! I have only 10 more to go, and truly I am so happy. I like my body now. Well, like all people, there are still things I cannot change that I would like to, but I don't cringe when I see my body, I like it in clothes, and with just a little more work, I might be able to take a bikini-worthy vacation next year...

worried, again.

and happy at the same time.

I was 146.0 this morning, can you believe it???? What worries me is the fact that I'm losing the weight so quickly. I went from 150ish to 146 in less than two weeks. This is uncharacteristic and shouldn't be happening since I'm probably nearing my body's "natural / healthy" weight.

What bothers me is that I feel like I am eating enough, and I am definitely eating well these days, but then I think back on the amount of calories I must have eaten in the day and it is very low. Then I try to top up to make sure I'm not undereating. I am just not as hungry, nor as indulgent as I was before. This was helped by the fact that I felt nauseous every time I ate last week. I got a little bit of nausea yesterday, but not enough to keep me from eating.

In any case, as long as I am not starving myself and I'm eating nutritious food, I will try to just enjoy the fact I'm losing weight and almost at 10 lbs from my goal.

Wow, what a journey this has been and still is. The stakes are always changing, and my mindset has changed so many times. I think it's important that I look back at the beginning of my blog once in a while to remind myself what my initial goals were so I don't lose focus. But it is also important for me to set new goals since I have achieved most of what I wanted to accomplish, most importantly, to be healthy.

I have to get going... I just want work to be done with so I can go play vball again :)

catching up

I suppose I'll have to post measurements again soon, as well as a recent pic... I think I'll wait until I start the challenge again when I'll have to figure that all out anyway.

For now, I was at 147.8 this morning. I am still extremely happy to see those numbers, it hasn't worn off. Under 150 I am liking my body. I feel like a healthy, regular person. I know I can do better, but I personally think I deserve a pat on the back for getting here, because I know how hard it was. Only you can ever know how hard something really is on you, so you should always be the first to acknowledge the hard work. I never thought I could actually ever be fit, thin, good looking, NOT the chubby girl.

While this didn't matter to any of my friends or family, it has mattered to me my entire life.

In any case, food is on track. I have been eating enough the last two days and eating well. I bought some groceries on credit because I am broke right now with the move coming up. I need to save every penny to pay cash for the appliances and pay my first month's rent. I am thrilled to move but I really had no time to save up for this... I think I'll manage, but it's been a source of stress lately, one I'd like to ignore but cannot.

I played 3 full hours of court vball yesterday and it was great. I am not sure I'll continue playing court in winter because it's late at night and I find it much harder on the body than beach. I may throw myself around more at beach, but the impact on my joints is much less intense. After 3 hours of play, all of my teammates' backs were aching. Surprisingly, I am feeling good today, not too sore.

Alright, off to vurk.

rollercoaster

well, I got a lot done this weekend, but it didn't come without it's fair share of emotional upheaval. Who knew moving could be soooo dramatic? ha!

I had to reorganize some boxes I had packed last year when we first broke up, so I decided to throw out a ton of stuff. In the meantime, I had to sort through letters, cards, photos, etc. Some I cannot fathom why I hung on to, others brought out a lot of smiles, fond memories and tears. I am looking forward to being done this process. It does feel good to throw a lot of stuff away, but I am sick and tired of being so emotional and just want to move on and be happy.

Some moments have been happy. The ex and I discussed briefly how we're feeling since all my stuff is packed up, and we both feel exactly the same way: happy and sad. It was nice to just exchange these few words, it did me a world of good. While our relationship was tumultuous, in the last 6 months of living together, we've found a comfort zone that only comes with long term relationships and going through hardship together.

Anyway, in other news, I was still at 147.6 this morning. I went to a free exercise class at the Lululemon store. It was supposed to be "fusion stretch" (don't ask, I had no idea what this was meant to be), but it turned out it was "ballet stretch". So it wasn't much of a workout but it was a decent stretch exercise. I thought the instructor was too chaotic though, and am looking forward to next week's free class: budokon, a mix of yoga and martial arts :) Most of all, I am looking forward to my three nights of volleyball this week. Things are really fun these days since I know a lot of people there now and have made some friends I really enjoy.

I ate fairly well today considering I had almost no food in the fridge and all my basic ingredients are packed. Tonight I went grocery shopping and made the ex and myself a grilled chicken sandwich on pain parisien (large baguette)with mixed greens, tomatoes, Dijon, mayo, bbq sauce and swiss cheese. A side of grilled peppers was a pretty and nutritious touch. We had a PatsyPie ginger cookie for dessert, mmm.

Alright I am off to watch Monsters Inc. Normally not a huge fan of movies this light, but sometimes it's just what I need.

Have a great evening...

mixed feelings

I'm having a strange day.

Packing up my life for the past 4 years is rough. Not only am I unmotivated, but it is bringing up many of the feelings I've needed to supress til now. I've been randomly bursting into tears, then those outbursts are followed by elated dances to my blaring music at the joy of change, moving out, having come so far this year.

I am supremely ecstatic about my new home. Not so thrilled about leaving behind everything I thought I would have for a long time still... I guess I have a very hard time with change. As impulsive as I am, I kind of like monotony and sameness. I find a great deal of comfort in it, since my mind is all over the place. It grounds me.

I try not to let myself dwell on the sad feelings of losing someone I care about and my home, and focus on the excitement of meeting new people, men, going out, being fit, having my own place, etc.

I worked pretty hard for an unmotivated person though. I think I'm about 70% done. I just need to get my stuff out of the storage locker and finish packing dishes, etc.

For now though, I'm going to meet up with some friends to vent, relax a bit and then get to bed early so I can wrap this all up by tomorrow.

oh my god oh my god oh my god

147.4 today. WTF?!?

Well actually, while I am pumped about these numbers dropping on the scale, I am a tad bit worried too. I didn't eat much at dinner yesterday. Basically, every time I eat, for the last week or so, I feel nauseous (NO I am NOT preggers). I've been eating foods I normally eat, a lot of veggies and fruit and fibre etc.

My friend brought up a point that it may be something unusual in my diet. It made me think: for some reason I have drank a lot of milk this week. I never drink milk. In fact, I only started using milk for cereal in the last couple of years. But this week since I wasn't getting enough calories in, I was having glasses of milk. Perhaps this has irritated my stomach. So I am testing out NOT having it for a while to see if that helps. It really sucks to be nauseous when I eat.

So naturally, I am eating lightly and exercising a lot (volleyball last night was amazing) so I am losing pounds. I plan on going to see a doctor if this doesn't sort itself out soon, but I will start eating normally as soon as it does. Don't worry about little old me ever starving, it's not in my nature to deprive myself of food :)

I am liking my body and face and feeling great. I'm getting noticed by a whole different category of men. Nice, athletic ones. Not the super hot nasty preppy jocks, but the guys that I've always liked: the sweet ones who just happen to love sports and being fit. Sports are very important in my life as therapy, medication, pleasure, adrenaline, excitement, competition and discipline. I want someone in my life who will share that passion so that I don't fall into my own relationship trap of becoming completely and utterly lazy.

I am NOT getting the nasty attention of sleezy a-holes who just want a ride on a buxom, curvaceous woman in between dating skinny princesses. It is nice to not be treated like something I am not anymore.

This is all finally paying off for real. I am feeling truly like a different person. My emotional side still needs a lot of work. The last few years did a real number on my stability. But it's coming, I can feel it. I am calmer, happier, etc. I am still extremely fragile though and anxious and stressed. I think by the time this year is up I will be a new woman.

Have a great day!

A nice compliment

Well I consider myself a bit of a weak person in the mental sense, because I really do appreciate a nice compliment. I don't fish for compliments at all, and in fact I'm usually surprised at what people notice, and who notices it. But I feel like these compliments go a looooooooooooong way with me, where people always tell you you have to find satisfaction from within. But that can be difficult.

Anyway, a guy from volleyball came up to tell me that I looked good and looked like I'd achieved my goal (though he didn't actually know that I do have a goal, he was using a figure of speech). It really made my night to know someone thinks I look good, and I am flattered that some people think this is an ideal weight for me. Whenever I tell people how much weight I want to lose they look at me like I will be some disgusting skinny bone rack, but everytime I lose another 5-10 lbs, they see that I still have ample meat on my body, so there's no need to worry. I think I can safely get to 135 without ever looking skinny. I think if I went beyond 130 it would start to look a little scary on me.

My face has really changed. I was back down to 148.6 today, so I am thrilled, but it reaaaaaaaaaaallly makes a difference in my face. I never had a huge problem with my face, but I think I really like it now for once. I just hope that my face doesn't get any skinnier now because I think I'd start to look gross (I've always had a relatively thin face compared to my body).

So yeah, back down to 148!!!!! I wasn't undereating either. In fact, every day I have been making myself drink glasses of milk and eat 1-2 of these 100-calorie cookies just to top off my calories. I would guess that I am eating in the 1,800 calorie range but burning about 2,200 or so calories a day. It may be less than that, on both counts, but it's about that. Anyway, I am so excited that I am still losing weight. All I'm really doing is my regular walk to-from work and at lunch about 30 minutes, then playing volleyball three times a week. I am grateful that that is still enough for me to lose pounds. I am so close to liking my body. What a relief that is. I haven't liked my body ever, but now, with all the work I've done, I can appreciate the blessings of being able to play sports, being strong and being fit.

Today is a happy day. That is, until I looked outside at the grey, wet sky. But I will try my best not to let anything kill this buzz I have right now.

Feeling good

Happy eaaarly morning! I'm up early because I'm a moron. I screwed up some deadlines at work yesterday and now I need to go into work an hour early to be sure I get a project in on time. This never happens. Well maybe one other time in almost 4 years. I preferred to come in early than work late last evening, because I've been feeling exhausted and the feeling of a cold coming on worsens over the course of the day.

I am feeling thin. I am actually feeling NOT fat. I am still at 149 and I am absolutely thrilled because I am not undereating anymore. In fact I am deliberately trying to get in more calories here and there because I feel my body needs it. It's this weird new thing I have: I still get hungry like everyone else, and eat when I am hungry. But I also get this feeling of "need" that is not the same as hunger, yet not just a desire to snack for nothing. It's like my body is telling me to top up on calories. And it has been working. While, like I said, I was unintentionally undereating, I was also grabbing food throughout the day out of this physical need that feels more like thirst than hunger, and yet I get more than enough water. And with all this "snacking" I am losing weight, so I am glad my body has come up with this mechanism to be sure I don't undereat anymore.

But back to feeling thin, I love seeing a flat stomach in the morning. Then I see that I have nice curves and am very happy with my body. Even my thighs are starting to bother me less (that's where most of my fat goes, along with loads of muscle: I have very short, chunky soccer legs). Finally being in the 140s is like a miracle to me, like I can see the end of the tunnel, not just a tiny sparkling light dot. I am only 9-14 pounds from it, and then it will be real discipline time. Time to fine tune my body so it becomes as averse to weight gain as possible :)

Alright, off to work in the dark, cold morning. Have a nice day anyone out there (echoes)

the importance of sleep

I came home sick this afternoon to sleep. As I've mentioned, I have been exhausted for weeks, and yesterday, after waking up at a normal time, heading to the grocery store, I came home and crashed and slept for another hour or two.

Last night however, I didn't get more than 3-4 hours of sleep. I went to work in a daze and by the time I came back from my lunch walk, I was just sitting, staring at my computer, unable to process any information.

I came home and slept for about an hour and a half, hoping it wont affect my sleep tonight. Volleyball will hopefully tire me out enough as well. I ate dinner very early and vball finishes early tonight, so with all of this combined I am hoping to sleep a full night.

Sleep affects my ability and motivation to exercise, eat, work... but most importantly, lack of sleep makes me a crazy emotional wreck who takes everything the wrong way. I was definitely cranky today and needed home to rest off this hypersensitivity.

Dinner was surprisingly great. I made spinach fettuccini with zucchini, cherry tomatoes and yellow bell peppers. I also had a piece of lemon-pepper veal on top and the entire dish was infused with fresh garlic, lemon and parmesan flakes. MMMMMM. I rarely end up with tasty dishes when I attempt a sauce-less pasta, but this time it was perfect. I have more than enough for lunch tomorrow, so possibly two meals will come of it.

I was at 149 this morning again. Yay! I am hoping to maintain or continue weight loss up until my move in two weeks, when I can begin the Game On Challenge again. That way I wont have so far to go to get to 135-140lbs. At 135 lbs I will finally be in the Normal BMI range. I know the BMI is not a great indicator of health for muscular people, but as long as I stay close to the Normal range or even its upper portion, I am satisfied. I am starting to feel good about my body for once. I feel I still have a lot of work to do, and need a lot of discipline, but I am finally starting to be able to look at myself and see someone I think looks healthy.

okay, back to vegging. I feel like I might even need another 20-minute nap before vball because I am still very tired.

Have a great evening.

changes

I think I figured out the problem with me. I have been exhausted for over a week now, with no clear-cut explanation. I just realized this morning I haven't eaten any red meat in weeks. I think I am low on iron. In fact, I know I've been eating less than I should, but there are several reasons for this. For one, I can't really pay for lots of groceries right now, so I have to use them sparingly. Also, my schedule is pretty chaotic and I've missed a few meals here and there lately. Finally, I am just not that into food these days, but I think this is because I'm feeling exhausted. It's a vicious cycle.

Most importantly, I always get weak and sleepy when I haven't eaten red meat in a while, so usually once a week I try to eat some. Even though my favourite meat is a good steak, I rarely eat red meat, but lately it's been especially rare. So I just made a salad with a steak, and I even made a second one and put it sliced on top of another salad for tomorrow's lunch.

After dropping to 148 then back up to 153 post-Thanksgiving, I am back down to 149-150. Aside from undereating, I am happy about the weight loss. I should be working out a bit more than I am, or not so much more, but more effectively, but I'm being forgiving since I have a lot on my plate mentally and emotionally with this move. I am having a mixed bag of feelings: I am thrilled, esctatic even, about having my own new apartment and moving on with my life; at the same time I am feeling sad about parting with a part of my life (my ex and my first home) which, no matter how unhealthy it all was for me, had become comfortable and does have it's up sides that I will miss dearly. Lastly, I am feeling exhausted at the thought of packing, moving, buying new furniture, sorting out my life, and so on. It feels like everything in the last 4 years has been a challenge and it's never easy and settled. I keep looking forward to being able to save money and take a vacation, and it keeps not happening, so now I am skeptical I'll ever get there, and it's sucking my motivation.

Anyway, things are changing and some new things are exciting. I was asked out by a guy from volleyball, and while I am uninterested, he is a sweet guy and it feels good to know anyone out there finds me interesting and attractive. Gives me hope for the future dating I'll undoubtedly have to go through in the coming years.

Alright. Back to work starting to get myself ready for this move...

A grey day

I don't want to go to work. I think I'm coming down with something. However, I know there is no one around to take the project I am working on, so if I can get that done and I am still feeling like crap, I may just come back home to sleep.

I was a space case yesterday because my sinuses were blocked. I went to volleyball anyway, and played for 2 hours straight. I didn't play as intensely as usual because of the sinuses and a few random pains that I am worried could become injuries. After an hour, my sinuses felt better. I have more games tonight, but thankfully they are earlier tonight so I can get a full night's sleep.

I did not go grocery shopping. I need to. But I have eight million things to do to prepare for my move in a few weeks that everything seems a little overwhelming. I've begun doing a few things and writing lists. Lists are good. Lists help me not go insane with too many things to plan. All the things I need to do are like a cascade, and each is intertwined. I can't just go ahead change where my payroll gets deposited for example, because I still have financial obligations with the ex, so it must be carefully planned with him to be sure we don't default on any payments. I can't transfer the car lease to me until shortly after I've moved because of the credit situation... it's hard to explain but basically everything must be done in some specific order so nothing gets messed up. ugh.

Back to 152 again today, almost 153. Not pleased. But whenever I have to buy takeout for my meals I gain, even when I make wise choices. It's just not enough veg and fibers...

Okay gotta go. Good luck on persisting in your journeys.

Back

I am back. So tired from getting to bed late. Don't want to work.

Also, back up to 152, though I am not sure if it's just a difference of scales. I might ask my parents to buy me the same scale they have as a housewarming gift :) The one I use now belongs to the ex. I have no groceries, so will have to take care of that tonight, and I have vball tonight and tomorrow yay.

For now, time to go to work, ugghghhhhhhh.

Thanksgiving

What a weekend so far. I got to play tennis in the warm weather with dad yesterday, today it will be squash. Then, I'm off to an antique market with my brother, then coming back to help mom prepare all the food. It is sunny and warm and their house is so quiet and peaceful. Not when we're all in the same room at once though.

I was still 148.8 this morning. I am still in shock. I tried on a dress from highschool that I wore at about age 17. It's just a little looser than it was on me then, which means THAT is when I weighed this much last. Also meaning I mostly gained weight at the end of high school and in university (I thought it was more progressive than that).

I am looking forward to that dress being too big for me too, and being at a healthy fit weight. Honestly, I think I'd look healthy at the same weight I was at 14. That sounds a bit twisted and bizarre to me, and I know my body isn't the same shape as back then, but I was a really great size. And all along, at that age, I thought I was super fat. I guess when you're the fattest of your friends, who had mostly not hit puberty yet, that's what happens. But yeah, about 135 and I don't think I want to see what I look like any thinner than that because I am almost satisfied with my thinness. That's just over 10 lbs to go and I cannot believe it.

For now, I'm just happy I am under 150 and eating well even at my parents, but totally prepping to eat excessively tonight, which my body needs I think. So I will have to not get upset about the ultimate jump in weight, it WILL come off and I will remain focused and motivated until New Year's and beyond...

I am grateful for everything, the good and the bad, right now. What are you grateful for?

WTF?!

This is a GREAT WTF! though.

I was 148.8 this morning! HOWEVER, and a big HOWEVER, here are possible explanations:

1. I didn't eat dinner yesterday, though I did eat a string of snacks over the course of the afternoon and night: apple, apple crumble, two bags of veggie chips (very small), wine, Diet Coke, water, a small bowl of yogurt with cereal and raspberries when I got to my parents' place, and some dark chocolate on the bus ride to the airport. Not very healthy I know, but I kept trying to find food to eat for a meal and nothing was appealing to me.

2. I am using my parents' super amazing new scale. It may differ from mine, but I would like to think it's more accurate, and my mom says it matches the one at the gym, so it's likely that's my true weight.

I know it wont last long since I am here to stuff my face with food, but I never thought I'd see the 140s before November! This is truly incredible to me. Wow!

Alrightm have a great day! Mine is great so far, slept in...

Leanne has landed...

And thanks to Porter Airlines, at a beautiful airport with a beautiful view of the beautiful Toronto skyline at night, ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

Home for my favourite holiday. Was still 151 this morning so I can let go this weekend, as a boost to help break my plateau when I get back. I wont be able to start the challenge again right after because it costs a lot in fresh produce and proteins, and I am le poor and trying to now prepare to move in November.

I haven't been able to sleep all week. Right now I am trying to get so tired that I wont lie awake in bed so long.

Happy to be with my parents. My mom just lost her closest sister, and it's obvious she needs us around right now. And I also needed to see my parents, since it had been a while and this year has been strange for everyone.

My bro will be exhibiting his digital photography work at the Gladstone Hotel this coming week and I am super excited because I've never been able to see a full show. Aside from the fact that we don't get along very well after more than an hour or so together, I think he is extremely talented and hardworking, and I love seeing his work evolve.

alright, I'm out. wish me luck sleeping.

moving on up

I was back down to 151.6 today, so that's good news.

I wasn't particularly careful yesterday. Well actually, I was "bad" but in a smart, calculated way. I had my regular cereal for breakfast, chicken and grilled peppers for lunch, a couple of apples as snacks, but I also went and got one scoop of my favourite Laura Secord ice cream: French Crisp. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

For dinner I made a nice big omelette with swiss and blue cheese and apples in it. I am made a big salad on the side.

Today I am not making a lunch out of sheer laziness, and I have some fish I will cook for dinner tonight pre-volleyball.

The BEST news of the week is that I found an apartment to move to in November, so I can finally get out of this weirdness I've been living in for the past year. I absolutely love this place that I found and am very much looking forward to moving in.

Have a wonderful day!

yo-yo

So my body has clearly enacted the 10-lb law again. Allow me to explain...

I began losing weight at about 183 lbs, and since then, every time I reach the 10 lb milestone, I hit a plateau. It is incredible to me that my body will lose weight in such specific increments. Frustrating as hell, but fascinating nonetheless.

I am back to 152. I am still eating carefully and played court vball last night, so there's not much more for me to do. This is time for counter-intuitive measures, which is perfect timing for me. I am heading home to visit the parents and bro for four days, which is just enough time to eat completely differently, including large amounts of Thanksgiving fare, while still doing a few days of exercise.

I truly believe my body just needs a kick in the ass, which contrary to what you might think, actually means eating poorly. I have sincerely become a pretty careful eater. I still eat junk now and again, and I am not starving myself, I have just become great with making sure everything balances out in terms of the quality and quantity of my food. I need to throw my system out of whack now.

When I return, I intend to start doing the Game On! Challenge again shortly after. I plan to play by myself because I don't really feel like stressing about winning for my team. I want to be strict with myself for the sake of losing my last 10-15 lbs before the end of 2010 is all... I think October will be a good month to do it, because I will likely be moving in November and it may be harder. Plus, my social outings are slowing down with the colder weather, which makes it far easier to manage.

So wish me luck. I failed on getting to 150 (for good) by the end of September, but maybe I can still make it to 140 lbs by Christmas or earlier, without any truly drastic measures...

I wish you all persistence to continue on your journeys as well...

woohoo!

I was 150.5 this morninggggg!!!! Yayyyyy! Oh my god. I never ever ever thought I was capable of ever losing all the weight I wanted/needed to lose, and I am now only 10 lbs away.

I have to diffuse this enthusiasm for a second to mention that I ate almost nothing yesterday and walked for at least 2.5 hours on both Saturday and Sunday, so this is the reason for the dramatic drop. However, I wasn't not eating on purpose!

Yesterday I had brunch with a friend, so I took a bowl of fruit with yogurt, honey and nuts, as well as 1.5 small, freshly baked croissants. I had huge amounts of coffee as well, and just as the caffeine migraine set in, I walked back home. It's an hour each way for me to get to that place. Then, I rested at home a bit and made myself a quick salad with some blue cheese, pecans, ham, tomatoes, avocado, lettuce and homemade dressing. I picked up and walked back downtown to meet a friend from back home, then proceeded to walk to her friend's place. 45 minutes later I was off again to meet a different friend, for a total of about 3 hours. Naturally, there was no time for dinner in all of this. However, since I felt like passing out at the last cafe, I ate one of the cupcakes I bought for a friend of mine who didn't show up. Upon returning home, the ex had bought pizza, so I had a slice.

I ended up not able to sleep and am exhausted today, but am thrilled about 150. I really want to lose this last 10 lbs after Thanksgiving so I can start buying my new wardrobe over Boxing Day...

I ate a healhty cereal and fruit breakfast, with protein-loaded Greek yogurt. For lunch I've made some tuna with bread, avocado (a quarter) and a couple of small tomatoes, as well as two apples hand picked last week by the ex. Yum!

Have a good Monday, and wish me luck not passing out at my desk. I am sooooooooooooooo tired.

mmm mmm good.

Volunteer work... check!
Walking for over 2 hours...check!
Going to the gym to compensate for upcoming Indian food... check!
Eating Indian food at favourite restaurant, to excess... check!
Watching a fantastic movie, Incendies, and figuring out the "punchline" halfway through but still loving it... check!

Weight, only slightly higher but not scary. I will be eating at restaurants twice today too, so I will be careful to include veggies and not so much fat as I ate yesterday. But as a safety precaution, I am walking to meet my friend for brunch. It is 1 hour from my place on foot, if not more. I don't know if I'll walk home, but most likely, because it is soooooooooooo beautiful outside, despite the fact it's only about 3 degrees (?!?) right now. "They" say it will be warmer all week, but it's like we're in pre-winter weeks already. Where did my wonderful fall go?

Okay, off to eat my kiwi and get ready for a big, long walk outside :)

Have a wonderful day.

This is what happens when you say it's going to be a good day.

It turns out to be less than thrilling.

So yes, I went to volunteering, which is always kind of nice. I was preparing the meals and cleaning the kitchen (it's a meals-on-wheels service for the elderly and severely disabled), but the other girls working today were all new, and didn't talk at all. Those who know me know that I am too shy to initiate conversation with strangers, but once they open the door, I am totally comfortable. So since they didn't speak, I didn't speak and it was pretty boring overall.

Bootcamp was also cancelled since there weren't enough people, which means I will need to go to the gym. I was really hoping to not have to go to the gym anymore with all my other activities, but everything keeps being cancelled. Serves me for being a painstakingly reliable person. ha!

The good news, I say with hesitation, is that if I go to the gym, I will not feel one ounce of guilt about going to my very favourite Indian restaurant tonight and having whatever I want. I have already done almost 2 hours of walking, which normally would be enough, but since my body seems to be stubbornly holding on to my weight, every extra bit counts. And I generally have an abundance of energy these days too, almost uncontrollable, so I need to harness it and put it toward getting fit only.

So yes, I finally reached 151!!!! I think that [IF NOTHING GETS CANCELLED) I should be back on track to losing weight by the end of next week. I have vball on MON/WED/THURS, and I will potentially workout today and tomorrow. While I am going to Toronto to see family for Thanksgiving and normally gain a tiny bit of weight from stuffing my face with pie, turkey, potatoes, wine, cranberry sauce, wine, pie, wine, pie... I will probably play some squash with my dad and brother, and maybe hit up a spinning class with a former high-school friend who did the weight loss challenge with me this summer. So I will physically prepare for a full-on Thanksgiving tummy bust. However, my appetite isn't what it used to be, so it's not that difficult to manage compared to previous years. I actually managed to make it through two Christmases without gaining any weight (though depression made up for that eventually).

Alright, it's now or never: I need to put my gym gear on and at least TRY doing something down there... talk to y'all later.

:)

151.8 today, sweeeeeeeet. And the sun is bright and great, sweeeeeet.

Going to volunteer today in the kitchen, then (after walking there and back for a total of almost 2 hours of walking) I will be going to a bootcamp class with my ex personal trainer, if he can find enough people.

After that, going for dinner with a friend, then to see Incendies the movie.

Will be a very nice day I suspect.

rain, rain go away.

So my second night in a row of beach vball was great! I didn't injure myself either, I just have a little bit of a sore neck on one side, but I am stretching it and have until Monday to rest it.

It was really nice playing with more competitive players. There are good players in the less competitive league, but on Thursdays we go all out, whether you're great or not. This guy had to help us out since we were missing a player, and it turns out he is one of the site's best players and has been a coach, professional player and all that jazz. He's also very nice and gave me a lift home (literally a 2 minute drive) because I didn't want to walk in the hurricane-like wind and rain we had all evening.

I just realized I have to enter my team's scores now, so I have to go. All this to say I had a great time but am still at 152 lbs!!!! argh!!! I am still trying to figure out what's going on...