Weighing heavily...

Ahhhh it feels good to sleep in. Woke up at around 9 a.m. and ate a light breakfast before heading to the gym on Day 3 of my time off.

I have a free BMI assessment waiting for me to claim at my gym, but I am putting it off. First of all, I weight 146.5 today, still above my average for 2012, which was more like 143. The other thing is that since I am only 5'2'' and my muscles are really big, it always tells me I am obese/overweight since it's not designed for athletic builds, but for the average Joe who's not very fit and of average height and weight.

When I was at my lowest weight, 135, I was all skin and bones on top (my thighs are like sprinter's legs so they will never be skinny) and yet my BMI said I was just barely normal weight. That's when I finally realized it's just one tool (an only somewhat reliable one), to be used in combination with the scale and measurements to determine what I feel is "normal" or "healthy". My general feeling is that 138-143 suits me best.

Hairy is making us juices right now. We just tried out our new fryer as well with some rissois (Portuguese breaded dumpling-y things filled with shrimp and a spicy creamy sauce). Yesterday we made cod balls, pasteis de bacalhau, and made tartar sauce with mayo and the homemade ketchup sent with our organic produce basket from a local farm. The 'ketchup' actually tastes more like relish, and made for a delicious accompaniment for the cod balls.

Today's juice consists of apples, spinach, pineapple, avocado, green peppers, cucumber, celery, parsley and lime. So far, only one of the smoothies he's made (following the recipe book by Jason Vale,
The Funky Fresh Juice Book) has been a little, uh, earthy, but the rest of them have been delicious.

Over Christmas, my skin was so awful and I worked it down to the sugar in all the cookies I was eating. I do eat 'bad' food, but not usually really poor quality stuff like the cookies I had been scarfing down for weeks while also not working out. After a week without the cookies and eating tons of veggies and homemade juices, my skin is looking much better.

I should also point out that I came to an official conclusion regarding motivation and exercise: NEVER take more than two days in a row off. This definitely applies to me, but I think it may speak to others as well. I say, if you can manage to fit in even 15-20 minutes of intense exercise in a day, do it. You'll almost never (if ever) regret a workout, but will regret not moving.

A friend said something to me lately that has really motivated me. She is pregnant and is so exhausted that she cannot run. She LOOOOVES running. I like running, not love, but I really want to get back into it. So she told me "when you run, think of me, since I'd love to be able to but can't." Now, when I am on the treadmill just starting to jog and I start to feel tired, I remind myself that I'm so happy to be able to run since my friend can't, my other friends and family find it so hard to get motivated, and my aunt who is very ill cannot even walk anymore. I am doing it because I can, it makes me feel good, it challenges me and it will help me live longer and stronger, I hope anyway.

Okay, I am off to drink some juice and continue organizing my apartment. We got so much done yesterday it feels soooo therapeutic. Lataz.

progre$$

I may not be down on the scale, weighing in at 147 this morning inexplicably, but my debt balance is much nicer: I am officially debt free for the first time in, oh, say, about six years. This is huge. Monumental.

BOOYAH!

Take that bank. Take that world!

Time to be educated about finances and make wiser choices.

Got to get back to my vacation and reorganizing my apartment with Hairy.

Latahhhhh!

My figure(s)

I did an official weigh-in and measurement-taking this morning so I can really start like a champ. It turns out, 10 lbs of extra weight equates to about 1 inch of extra cushion on my body. That's what I've deduced by comparing today's numbers with my starting numbers in 2010 and my lowest numbers, obtained around June/July of 2011 I believe.

My weight as of this morning: 146.5 lbs
My measurements:

Neck: 11.5 in.
Chest: 33.5 in.
Rib cage: 29 in.
Waist: 27 in.
Hips: 32.5 in.
Butt: 37 in.
Thigh: 22.5 in.

I don't like measuring my calves, and I never did before, so even though I think I should, bah!

I have put on about 1 inch everywhere. I'm less concerned about weight and inches than how I think I look and fit in my clothes at this point, but the weight is important for my running.

I think it's also important to mention some other things I've been doing that were part of my initial goals but took longer to achieve: I started actively working on my mental health and relationships. I am trying to rebuild focus/concentration and positive attitude in general, but primarily at work. AND, I am doing my best ever attempt to stay on top of my financial situation and learn about money and finances. I don't want to repeat past mistakes because I am uninformed and scared. Now that I'm debt-free after years and years, I need to know what to do with my income to achieve the things I want to.

For mental health, there are many things involved in this. The foremost being working out, sleeping and eating well, and improved time management. It's a process. I have a tendency to want to get things done asap and in the most efficient manner possible, because I always have the next task looming in my mind. I am trying to take things one piece at a time, and say no even when I am tempted to say yes, to give myself time to breathe. Nobody will ever force you to take a break, only you can do it. Seeking advice/guidance from professionals has been beneficial as well. My main goal is to be able to get many things done, spend time with the people I love, and come home feeling good about life, not drained.

I learned something at work that gave me some insight into my own issues In my management training, I am learning about different personality types. I had to identify my own 'type'. One of the traits of my type is that I do things with other people's feelings in mind all the time. One of the things NOT to do when dealing with someone like me is use guilt/threats/manipulation to get what you want, because this personality type already takes other people's feelings into consideration and finds it insulting to be treated this way. It made me realize why it makes me furious when people tell me "you're always busy, you never have enough time, we don't get to see you enough...etc." While their intentions are good, what they don't realize is that this just pushes me away because I am already fully aware of what I am doing and I already do my best. Guilt trips and such work with people who do not think about others when deciding how to act. All of this helps me identify one source of frustration with my family and some friends and maybe adjust my own behaviour around that or even address it directly with the person.

Anyway, by cutting volleyball, I gave myself more time for friends, family and myself. It makes me sad, but I will resume playing once a week, and instead go to the gym which takes up less time in the week.

Okay, I'm off to enjoy my days off for rest, reorganization and solitude. Have a good one!

Day deux

It is only that things are so unusually slow at work this week that I will be so bloggy. Just know that. :0)


So, I weighed in at 147. Shocking because over Christmas I was no more than 145 on average, and now I've started working out again (and no, not building muscle, just running mainly) and gradually eating much better, and NOW the scale decides to jump. Ah well. I'm using weight as one barometer, but I will need to take measurements tomorrow to compare against two years ago and see what kind of adjustments are required :)

My lowest weight was 135, but I'd say the lowest I can maintain with a minimum of effort and discipline is about 138-140lbs I've learned. Plus, I like my body better at 138-140 than 135, when I looked way too skinny on top. Over 2012, I kept meaning to get from 140 back down to 135, but ended up putting on another 5-7 lbs. My new goal is to get to 138 through running, and stay in that range as long as I can. I want to stay safely away from 150 lbs, which will be my ALARM weight now (it used to be 185 back in the day, since I felt 200 lbs coming toward me).

My boyfriend, for the blog's sake let's call him Hairy, has been making us a variety of smoothies/juices for breakfast this week, loaded with good things. Since I have been eating most of my meals out, I've been opting for hearty salads with just oil and vinegar for dressing, and other light yet nutritious meals. I am trying to offset the overload of cookies, chocolate and other sugary treats. I have been disgusting myself with my compulsive snacking. I had basically no self-control anytime I walked by a snack/treat and would tell myself NO then go eat it anyway. Now, I am reverting to my tried-and-tested trick of telling myself "If you still want it in an hour (or this afternoon / tonight) then you can have it, but just not yet." Without fail, I end up NOT eating the crap after all. I'm also applying my "if you only workout for 10 minutes at the gym, that's perfectly okay, the key is that you get there and try." This, too, is a very successful mind game, even if I know it's a mind game.

I am completely at peace with eating the high-quality chocolates my brother sent me for Christmas from one of Toronto's best chocolatemakers: SOMA, in the Distillery District. These have no junk in them and are pure fabulousness. And when I eat high-quality chocolate, naturally I tend to eat less and savour it because it is far more satisfying, like a solid shot of espresso versus watery filtered coffee. When I eat Hersheys chocolate, which is basically sugar with a splash of cocoa, for some reason I eat a ton of it even though I care much for it.

My Portuguese class was nice yesterday. I don't feel I'm making substantial progress, but the practice is important nonetheless. I will also try to keep on finding new ways to take in the language and practice this year, though I managed to keep up my motivation for most of 2012.

Alright, back to twiddling my thumbs and surfing the interweb, catching Wiki-itis.

Good day all.

She's back.

Hi everyone!

First off, to all those whose stories I haven't been following because I withdrew from the bloggy world, I hope you're staying strong and keeping on keeping on or something good like that. I've thought about you often.

Well, 2012 was a year for me to re-focus myself a little. Things at work were down then got really up near the end of the year. I got a promotion, and am in training to become the team leader in February if all goes well, so this has given me a renewed excitement about work.

I began taking Portuguese lessons in October 2011 and continued to Level 5 (of 6) at the YMCA, then moved on to the courses at the church since it's MUCH cheaper and is more relevant for me since it is continental Portuguese. I even got to test it out when I went to Portugal in September, which was such an amazing time for my boyfriend and I. My Portuguese classes resume tonight, yay!

Yes, I am still happily with my ex-personal trainer-now-lifetime partner. He moved in last January and he makes a really fun roommate, friend and personal chef and motivator. I'm a lucky one.

In fitness news, I was really inconsistent and unmotivated for much of last year. I managed to put back on 10 lbs, but get back on track every time I fell off for a week or two. I couldn't get myself back into running, so I decided to focus on running in 2013. Especially since I made the painful move to drop volleyball. Well, I was supposed to be playing indoor court vball for fall/winter, but since I'm not passionate about anything but beach vball, I decided I needed that time to rest. I will be playing court vball one night a week now, instead of indoor beach, for money reasons. Eventually I will play beach again, but I have big things to save for and am making a few sacrifices now for the greater good. Running will have to suffice until summertime.

I began to see my old eating habits re-emerge, so I am working on keeping those more disciplined and in check this year. Since I do have a problem with food and tend to pack on pounds, it will be a lifetime effort, and some days (or years) are harder than others. I watched a documentary called Hungry for Change, as well as Food Inc., and have been inspired. My boyfriend and I decided to test out buying local organic produce to see if that works for us, and we've been incorporating a wider variety of vegetarian content even though I (and probably he) never intend to go fully veg. I love meat, and fish and eggs especially, so we just eat less of it and buy better quality, offsetting the price by eating more legumes, green veggies and grains, for example. Fewer croissants on the weekends too, while not depriving ourselves completely of the good stuff.

On the subject of deprivation, I have been without Diet Coke for about a month or less now, and it was only intentional for a few days, then I just stopped noticing. If I could cut back to once a year I'd be satisfied. It does more harm than good (being absolutely NOT good for you), but I love it and only it where fizzzy drinks are concerned. Otherwise I'm a waterholic, always have been, fortunately.

Okay, I can't make any promises about writing regularly, but I am thinking about it, since it really helped me stay focused on my goals year round, and find the necessary support and inspiration. I want to stay focused on keeping my eating habits in check and maintaining my current weight or losing 5-7 lbs through running and eating well. Those are my SMART goals for the year, let's see how this goes.

awkwaaaard.

Hey, is anybody out there?

I wanted to explain that I eventually made a deliberate decision to stop writing on the blog regularly for a few reasons.

1. Now that I have achieved all the things I set out to do in this blog, I figure the NEED for regular posting has passed. More importantly, I have set new goals for myself that are rather time consuming, such as saving for a trip to Portugal (which means doing more translation projects in my spare time), learning Portuguese, which involves homework and class nights, as well as making sure I take time for my friends, family and boyfriend as much as possible.
2. I had also started reading more, which eats away at all those spare moments I would have been blogging.

I began thinking about posting yesterday because there's something I want to show you.

Essentially, I wanted to show you that even though I am not blogging daily, and even though I am sometimes disappointed that I've put back on 5 lbs or more, I am still working hard whenever I have the motivation to stay active. I went through a weird phase in mid-winter that has since ended, and I'm making up for lost time now. I am painstakingly trying to get my running groove back, and taking some sort of bootcamp class with my boyfriend. I've also beeing going to the gym once in a while, and also asking my bf to train me whenever I don't feel motivated enough to do something on my own. During him break from school he's been kind enough to train me many times...

So the video I want to post is a little embarassing, mostly because I don't like seeing my beautiful abs from last year the way they look now, but it's really the least of my concerns. The other reason is that my deep breathing face makes me look like I'm trying to be sexy, especially in the last move: TRUST ME, anytime you're doing moves like this, the feeling inside is anything but smooth. And lastly, because I look like a super butch at the end and you see the holes in my workout pants.

Nevertheless, I think it proves that I'm still pushing my limits, doing things most girls are afraid to do because they're always telling themselves they CANNOT do certain things. You should see what the guys do. They're insane and do the coolest stuff. My thing is nothing compared to what they do, but as a girl with the opposite build of what I would need to do this easily, I'm not half bad for a beginner.

I am telling you now: you CAN do almost ANYTHING in life, but always following the same simple rules: don't try to be amazing at something you're just learning, don't be afraid to try something new and difficult, start out by doing only what you're capable of (in my case, this meant learning how to do just 1 pullup, for months) and then push yourself at your own pace.

another prolonged absence

Hi people!
I felt an update was in order, and it will likely ressemble the lives of many of us over the last two months.

Since my hip injury, I had to take a break from working out for December. Naturally, since then, I have put on a solid 5-7 lbs, but I try not to waste my breath complaining because I am doing something about it.

I received a 10-session pass to a gym for January as a gift, to help me fill in the weeks in between volleyball sessions with some other activity. So I've been going 2-3 times a week for the last few weeks. I was waiting to see if I'd be playing soccer this season, and I am not. Now, I am playing court volleyball on MON-WED, and have Portuguese on TUES. On Thursdays, Fridays and/or Saturdays I can go to the gym or to a local fitness studio for some amazing body sculpting classes (I got a deal for 6 sessions at that place, online, so I'm going to do that in February).

After that, I'll see how I feel about actually becoming a gym member. I keep putting it off :)

I finally feel I have the energy to face selling my loft with my ex. It's been 2.5 years since we broke up, and as much time for me to recover all the energy drained from that time in my life. I really want to wrap things up as far as that situation goes, so I can give my full and undivided attention to all the great people in my life.

January was strange, with many health problems in the family. Surprisingly, it is all slowly piecing itself back together and my sick aunts are recovering faster than expected.

Alright, I have to run. I wish I could write more, but at the pace I'm going, something had to take a backseat, and for now I've made it the blog. I will get back to it a little more frequently if things slow down.

Good luck to you all! (did any of my fellow bloggers lose the list of followed blogs??)

let's have a quickie, shall we

Christmas is done. It was nice. A lot of details I will not bore you with (or let you too far into my intimate life), but I gave meaningful gifts, received many generous ones that were very appreciated, and had lots of memorable moments with my family and that of my better half.

I am fat though. well, relatively speaking. I am NOT fat, but I am bulging out of my clothes a little more than I'd like, and crossed my weight threshold (the number I set for myself to always maintain as a maximum). So I am working on getting those numbers down and coming up with my game plan. I am just waiting to sort out if soccer is in the cards for winter. If not, I'll play vball twice weekly, then probably hit a gym.

I am loving work this week with no one around. It's so calm and there's barely anyone in the city. The muffled tranquility of inside my winter coat's hood and scarf make walking to the metro in the morning all the more enjoyable too.

For new year's eve, I'll be doing exactly what I did last year: spending the evening with my boyfriend at a place we're housesitting that is amazing, and he'll be cooking dinner, as usual. We'll most likely spend it watching a movie or the show Community, the Season 1 episodes of which we're watching one after the other.

Alright, I am off to meet my namorado for dinner and coffee with a friend.

I wish you all a very sloppy and love-filled New Year's celebration, whatever it is you do. I hope that the next time I write, I'll be talking about my having started working out again and getting uber fit. Oh and my boyfriend and I are supposed to go to drop-in circus school sometime in January to learn handstands properly, among other things, and this is SO VERY VERY EXCITING to me.

Talk soon.

Baby did a bad, bad thing...

This is a post about gifts, since I am not in the mood to discuss how very, very indulgent and lazy I've been. I'll say this though, having my hip out and my team sports being cut short early... well that would be my excuse, but really, I'm just being bad. The result is me craving energy in the form of every form of sugar imaginable, but mainly cupcakes and ice cream. In any case, I'm not here to self-flagellate, because I know that does absolutely nada. I will touch on a completely unrelated topic instead, that of gift giving.

I would like to call this little ditty "Love, don't sell it to me, mine is free."

Once upon a time...wait, no, scratch that, ALL THE TIME, I am ripping my hair out to come up with ideas for this gift or that, for this birthday or that Christmas do or any number of events for which there is a now-standard gift-giving protocol to which one must abide at the risk of losing face. It has caused me stress to the point of tears, to the point that trying to come up with ideas for just one person takes days, let alone for a list of my nearest and dearest. Anxiety has now formed around this issue.

The other day, faced with the fear of not giving something suitable to my significant other for our anniversary (since my birthday gift efforts constituted what I would call an EPIC FAIL, and Christmas is looking to be the same), I was in a state of panic. I couldn't move, figuratively speaking. But move I did. I decided to spend lunch after lunch (usually reserved for my calming walks that get me through the day), to do what everybody else does and shop, that's right, in stores, with people and all, at Christmas time, downtown. I would pick one or two stores, since my lunch is only 30 minutes, and try to brainstorm. For weeks this went on, and guess what I ended up getting after every single other idea fell through for various reasons beyond my control: the game of Battleship.

Meanwhile, in the land of the affluent, I heard talks of gifts in the hundreds of dollars not being suitable enough, and of leaving out hints for gift ideas such as jewellery and purse makers, so a girl could have "things that girls love." Ahem! I thought to myself, is that really all it boils down to nowadays, people not wanting to be perceived as 'cheap' by any means, and resorting to cliches with absolutely no meaning or depth? What girl defines the degree to which she is loved by the price of the gifts thrown at her? I, for one, do not. In fact, call me strange, but I get proportionately more excited for a small token than I do for a gift heftier in the status department.

I started to feel proud of myself for Battleship and all it represents. I felt safe in the knowledge that my significant other would not only understand that obligatory gift giving really isn't my forte, but that even if he might expect something bigger or better, he would "get" that this meant some silly time we could spend together, because THAT is what I really want, and what I really love to give.

Call me vain, cheap, or what have you, but the time people spend with me, and the time I give them, is the greatest gift.

I spent years in a relationship defined, very much against my will, by our ability to come up with distractions, things to play with. Now, I prize my current relationship, and my friendships, for the care people give me.

But I will play the game nonetheless, because I DO love those around me, and I DO wish I could give them everything. But now I am looking at things in a whole new light and trying to find my inner inspiration to get back to the simpler things.

I wish you all a sane, courteous and pleasant (if at all possible) shopping experience. Remember that the attitude you convey in such unpleasant situations will usually radiate to your fellow citizens, so be nice, even to strangers. If someone is disagreeable, show what a big person you are and quietly and discreetly proceed to kick their shins, steal their stuff and run. :)

Have a great evening kiddos!

I should feel bad...

I should feel bad (not guilty, but at least VERY responsible for and aware of my actions) because I am being a baaad girl. Not only am I officially out of sports for the next few weeks because of a hip injury, but I am eating way more junk than I'd like to admit. High quality junk, but junk nonetheless.

Some of it I don't mind. Like the red velvet cupcake I was generously offered today that rocked my world. But some of the little things I've been eating here and there, when I originally tell myself no, is what will do me in if it doesn't stop.

So I think that this weekend I should come up with a game plan, some sort of structured approach to get me through the next month. In January, I should be completely recovered and will be playing team sports three nights weekly, in addition to my Portugese classes. For now, though, I need ideas, strokes of genius to fit in exercise while I have a limp and cannot push myself too hard.

Onto another subject before I head off to my second-to-last Level 1 class, did I mention I've rediscovered my love for Christmas. Well only time will tell really (once the day itself has passed, when I invariably declare that I hate this holiday and want to escape to the woods alone), but I have high hopes. The main reason is that I have a certain someone in the house whose child-like love of all things yuletide is infectious. That's right, I caught Christmas fever, aka influenza XMAS2011.

Okay, gotta run, take care munchkins!

BEFORE AND AFTER

Excuse me if I have posted before-and-afters in the past, but this one goes to Big C, who asked me for some. The problem is that I absolutely don't want to post really unflattering photos of myself, out of respect for my chunkier self, but these ones don't quite capture how "bulky" I think I'd become. In any case, I've provided two face shots and two full-length photos, so you get an idea. I send huge props to my fellow bloggers trying to lose four times the amount of weight I lost. As we say in French, courage!



Me at a wedding in 2009 I think, immediately after a breakup.



My face in 2006 in Chennai, India.







Me at a wedding in May 2011, with my new man and looking and feeling so much better than the year prior.



Me in October 2011, now having reached my goal of 50 lbs, and able to indulge in such delicious meals without stress.



a reminder, and some SMART tidbits

Hey folks!

I have some good news and also a refresher course on goal-setting at the end. As I mentioned in my last post or so, I asked all those of you who may be undertaking a project--weight loss or otherwise--to look at my post on the SMART approach. It is widely advocated and used in a number of fields, but when it comes to your health, I think it is a completely valid first step (and something all of us should brush up on every now and again to make sure we continue to set reasonable, achievable goals for ourselves).

As for me, well I've signed up for two court volleyball teams for late January, I'll be moving on to level 2 Portugese then as well, and I have decided to stick with my indoor soccer team too, even though I was afraid the better guys on the team wanted to move us up to a new, more competitve level. Now that all's said and done, I have warmed up to the notion of being on a team that wins, as long as I get to keep playing with a friend of mine. I'm also excited because I'll be reuniting with my beach volleyball team on the hard floor. After playing with them for two years, you do build quite a rapport, and it will be nice to be in touch again.

In other news, I picked up all of JD Salinger's works of genius at a used book store today. I also enjoyed a burger, and with great restraint, did NOT take a pop or fries. Instead, I savoured the juicy beef, whole wheat bun and condiments with a side of water. After weeks of eating in restaurants, I am struggling to once again (my eternal problem) get back into a routine of preparing meals at home consistently.

My friend asked if I had ever posted before and after photos on here. I believe I did, but since I don't have the time or desire to sift through old posts to check, I will post again immediately following this one, with some eye candy for you ha!

I'll have more to say soon, perhaps on the weekend, about my mood lately. For now I can say I am generally feeling good. Oh, and if you genuinely need an overdose of happy, go see the latest Muppets movie. You may be in for a deeply pleasant surprise.

Have a great evening! I am off to soccer, but I leave you with the SMART steps below, and will re-post shortly.

****
Specific: Specify the behavior you wish to change. Instead of saying, for example, "I will be healthier," determine a particular healthy behavior you will work toward integrating into your life. "I will exercise 3 days a week," or "I will floss my teeth every other day," or "I will eat a piece of fruit every day" are examples.

Measurable: means you can evaluate your progress. So instead of saying "I will increase my exercise," identify the number of days you will be active and/or the amount of time you will put into your regimen. "I will do cardio two days a week for half an hour and lift weights two days a week for twenty minutes" is a measurable goal.

Achievable and Realistic take into account your ability and lifestyle, as well as the rationality of your goal. Saying you're going to do something like exercise "every day" is probably unrealistic, as is setting a goal to "never" do something else like eat chocolate. Do previous injuries prevent you from running a marathon? Will you really be able to maintain 110 pounds? Set goals that are not too easy, but are within your reach.

Time Frame your goals whether it be by the day, week, month, or year, and reassess as necessary. "I will work out 3 days a week for half an hour in the month of January" is a time-framed goal. At the end of the month, I can see if I accomplished my goal and if there are changes I would like to make for the following month.

testingggg, testinggg, 1, 2, 3...

I am simply writing this post to check something: a few friends recently asked me to re-add them to the mailing list for my blog. I have done so and this post is to see if they're out there and reading it.

If you are, go back and read my posts from the last few months, there aren't that many but it will give you an idea of where I am at in terms of progress, effort, ambition, and so on.

I can sum it up as follows: I lost 50 lbs, tried to lose more, got super fit, then was forced into a hiatus since beach volleyball was cancelled and I took on other less physical hobbies like learning Portugese. I have decided to take a few months off hardcore exercise, and to do the minimum to maintain my weight where it is. I decided I am completely HAPPY, that's right HAPPY with my body for the first time ever. My muscle has softened and I look very curvy and womanly again, yet in shape. I do look forward to getting back to exercising. For now I'm being careful about food.

I play soccer on Thursdays, volleyball Wednesdays on occasion, I walk for 20 minutes or so most lunches, and I try not to be lazy in general.

Keep it up everyone!

An update is in order... and a few thoughts.

Where to start, where to start.

Well let me begin with this little success story.

Over the last year, many people have commented on how impressed they are with what I've done and how I've maintained the weight loss and yadda yadda yadda. Many also say they wish they had my motivation and that they plan to start taking better care of themselves... rarely is this followed up with any substance. One excepttion: This awkward, weird but very sweet man has come up to me five or six times asking me for advice, tips on how to eat, how to workout, etc. I genuinely wanted to help him, until I got the feeling I should just tell him to see a nutritionist, educate himself, and do it his own way. So I failed to answer him at all.

Recently, a friend crossed paths with him and noticed he'd lost a bunch of weight. When she asked about it, he claimed that I had motivated him and set off a light bulb about his need to take better care of himself. Eventually I congratulated him on doing something good for himself, and having chosen to do it in a very healthy way that isn't focused only on losing pounds.

The reason this struck me is because I had come to the conlcusion just weeks before that despite everyone's supposed "inspiration" drawn from me, no one can do this without finding their very own kick in the ass (motivation). So that is some great news.

This very same piece of news is what brings me back to you, fair readers, today. While I feel sufficiently in control of my weight and health these days, and don't particularly feel the need to blog, if there's any chance it might help anyone, it's worth it for me to do this. Why, you ask? Because I am becoming increasingly intolerant of people's need to starve, deprive and hate themselves over a few extra pounds (most people's case, but not all I know), and their unwillingness to use education and common sense to do something about it.

People repeatedly set themselves up for failure. So for anyone reading who intends to or is in the process of trying to get in shape, please look up the concept of SMART (or see one of my very first posts ever, on that topic).

In my opinion, the people who do these things are concerned with vanity, not health. People truly concerned about their health would not feed themselves none of this or none of that for weeks at a time, or workout until they burn out, if they didn't hate themselves deep-down.

If people could force themselves to say every day that having extra pounds does NOT define you, but your ACTIONS do, maybe they could try to make 1 healthier choice that day. Saying no to today's little treat or simply postponing it. Taking the stairs all day instead of the escalator. Making a lunch so you can eat at your desk and take your lunch to get fresh air, think a little and walk around. Read a few pages of a book instead of watching TV... and so on. Basically it's alllllllll about small choices. Small, everyday stupid little choices that compound and lead to a huge wave of change in your life.

So, stop being stupid and lazy. Start caring about yourself enough to do just what you are capable of doing for now. Don't push too hard. Be nice and dust yourself off each time you "fail". You will fail. But don't be defeated ever, until you are dead. When you're old and can't do 1/10th of the things you can do now, you will be happy you made those small choices.

Okay, stepping off my high horse to get back to my own daily battle to fight for my health. And if you try to say to me "I wish I could lose weight as easily as you", expect a solid punch in the face.

:)

we were on a break!

I am officially on hiatus from blogville. I am taking the rest of the fall off from working out, apart from walking and soccer, and taking some time to regroup now that volleyball is unlikely to happen at all (my world is crumbling lol).

I am maintaining a weight of about 138 (my lowest was 135 and 140 is my 'trigger weight' where I start doing more). I have been eating carefully and taking care of family and friend business, and now taking Portugese classes too :)

Lots going on, not much time or energy for me, compared to before, but I'll likely sign up to a gym in December and get started once again.

wishing you all good luck on your weight loss journeys as well.

Recovering

Hi people!

So here are the latest updates from my world.

After finally reaching 135 lbs, I did go back up to about a solid 138 (even 142 after Thanksgiving, but after water retention was eased, I would say 137-138 is my stable weight now). I intended to work my ass off hard this week, as well as very hard in preparation for Thanksgiving, but some fairly painful soccer injuries and overall fatigue prevented that. This week I started to get a cold/flu, so I have held back from doing anything more than walking around my apartment and sleeping/reading... I'd love to get back to it, but I need my body to recover.

In the meantime, I finished Ce que le jour doit a la nuit, and it was phenomenal. I am now reading The Kite Runner. I have cried through about half of the 250 pages I've read in the last two days. It is not as carefully written as my last read, but it is powerful no less.

Beach volleyball (indoors at least) seems to have fizzled out and may be closed for good. I am kind of down about that lately, but looking forward trying to figure out what else to do. That was the perfect sport for me, and I was so looking forward to starting 2x2, since I am getting very good at it. I would have eventually liked to compete in tournaments and such... for now, I am playing indoor soccer and my extremely muscular thighs are happy about that and becoming nicely defined. I always hated my big thighs, but thanks in part to a boyfriend who practically worships them, and to having a new appreciation for curvy and even chunky bodies (now that mine is quite lean!), I have begun to embrace my athletic build.

I am off for a quick escape from my dungeon of disease to eat some Lebanese healthy fast food with my boyfriend before he goes to class. Then it's back home for more rest and early sleep.

Did I mention I am starting Portugese classes in less than two weeks? I cannot wait. It will be a challenge, but since it is voluntary, I think I will be up for it, knowing that if I felt like giving up I could and it would take nothing away from my life. That mindset helped me commit to losing weight, eating well, exercising, staying focused on health, etc...

Got to run. Hope you are all staying on track. It' a lifelong ride we're on after all...

oh the rain.

I don't hate rain. but as an outdoor sports and runnning girl, I am feeling pretty blue. I was on a roll with my exercise, and finally reached 135, and now, after days of doing barely any exercise because it's simply too cold and wet (I'd be fine with one or the other, but not both), I am back up on the scale. I've been careful enough food-wise, but every day I wake up and the weather is crap I get more and more frustrated.

The real problem is that I haven't been playing beach volleyball because the management keeps changing, and thus keeps changing the league information, prices, start dates, etc. It now looks like I'll only be playing 1 night a week, 2x2. Luckily, I MIGHT have a great partner, and fingers crossed they stick to the latest info they gave me.

So for the time being, I'm playing indoor soccer once a week, have been trying to run a couple times a week (not with this weather though), and have been subbing on court volleyball and/or playing drop-in beach for the last few weeks. I try to walk at lunch, but this weather (and having to buy my lunches this week) has taken that from me as well.

I am almost done my book, and it is amazing. I am sad that it's ending.

Oh, and I can't wait for my Thanksgiving weekend with my family this weekend. It's also my dad's 65th / retirement party on Saturday, weeeee! I'll probably get one game of squash in, with him, this weekend, but wont have time for much more. Weather permitting I will run. I will!!!!!!

I did it.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH (running around waving my arms in the air like Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone... I was 135 this morning!!!!

It has only taken about 6 months of work, and the last two months of extra hard work to get here, and I need to barrel through until next weekend, when I go to my parents' house for Thanksgiving.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Progress update

Hi guys!

I hope you're all doing well and still working toward your goals. If not, start again.

I just wanted to write a quickie to say that my non-blogging is NOT a sign that I have fallen off the fitness wagon. Quite the opposite. Since my real goal was overall health and well-being, one of my sub-goals was to read a bit more. Now, I have realized that squeezing reading in means pushing blogging out. I am only ever home in intervals of one hour or less, which means I have to use that time to eat, clean, shower, get dressed, etc. Because of my very busy fitness schedule, I haven't watched TV for more than an hour or so in months, and the 30 minutes of free time I have here and there is used to read some amazing book lately.

Right now it's Ce que le jour doit a la nuit, then it will be The Kite Runner.

As far as weight loss, I am STILL, yes STILL AFTER 6 MONTHS, trying to get below 136. However, in the last two weeks my weight gets to 136 quicker, and I think I'm about to break through, but I hesitate to get excited because Thanksgiving is coming up, along with a host of family functions. I will do my best to stay on track, but I think 135 may be slowly slipping out of my reach in the next month.

I am running, playing as much drop-in vball as I can until the management gets its shit together and the leagues resume, and indoor soccer, which is probably THE single most exerting sport next to squash in terms of cardio.

My life is great, eating is great, working out is great. Everything except the fact a 6-7 year old girl on a school bus greeted me with grimaces and the middle finger yesterday morning. It was a sign of a bad day ahead in hindsight, as I suspected. I hope today will be less unpleasant.

Some "lean" reading and other updates

Hi ho readers!

Before I forget, as I invariably will, here is the ultimate point of this post:

I have NO IDEA how reliable this source is, but I found this article fascinating regardless, and it makes me want to look further into the issue.

http://www.bodyrecomposition.com/muscle-gain/initial-body-fat-and-body-composition-changes.html

I found this as I started researching body composition changes and their effect on various things such as menstrual cycle, hormones, etc.

Why, you ask? Well because my severe PMS problems began emerging about 6 months ago. I can't figure out the reason, except that a friend of mine who suffers from PMDD mentioned that body fat has a lot to do with women's hormone levels, and about 6 months ago was precisely when my body very obviously started becoming more muscular and the fat started leaning out.

I lost the bulk of my fat (50 lbs) throughout 2010, and a little of it in late 2010-early 2011. But the most visible changes in my shape and muscularity(?) started when I dropped to my lowest weight and began muscle training. Finally my very large breasts caught up with the rest of my body and shrank, after not shrinking much throughout the bulk of my weight loss.

Now I am questioning whether my perceived hormonal changes are largely the result of my now very athletic body type. I believe I am about 22-24% body fat according to a BMI reader (which can be off by as much as 10%), and that is "perfect" for a woman in good health. By no means do I look extremely skinny, because I am very muscle-dense, especially in my bottom half. My arms/chest are very lean.

Anyway, now I feel I'm losing concentration (thanks to PMS) and rambling, so change of topic.

I am still frustratingly at 137-138. Mysteriously, while my weight had started dropping, it appears to have stopped just short of passing 136 again. FUUUUUUUUCKNUTS! Oh well. I keep on keepin-on because I'm quite pleased with my body these days thanks to all the hard work/play I am putting in to stay in shape, and eating almost all healthy meals at home.

Otherwise life is good except my mood swings, but after charting for 2 months, I am starting to see patterns emerge (though further charting will be needed to confirm that), namely that Day 21 of my cycle is the WORST by a long shot for emotional issues...and guess what today is... one guess. DAY 21! I nearly ripped off people's heads this morning, but swallowed my rage and have tried to focus on getting through the day with everyone else unscathed.