Roof caving in

I think melancholic would be the best way to describe my state of mind right now.

For those who don't know me well, working out and eating well are the two things I have control over in my life right now, the rest, well... I am basically stuck. I won't get into details, but life has been complicated for about a year and it seems to keep getting worse, and my ability to push those thoughts aside is floundering.

Last night, after receiving some less than welcome news (nothing dramatic, don't worry, just one more little thing), I once again felt that crushing, overwhelming elephant on my chest that cuts off my breathing and sends my heart racing. I managed to calm myself fairly soon after, but I am left with a constant influx of stressful thoughts about things I cannot control. This may be very vague and confusing to you, or not, but for me it's like a form of very slow, dull torture.

My ability to contain myself, to remain happy, lies solely in my ability to succeed at losing weight. So last night I had a thought: are there safe, sane ways to avoid one's problems? There are obviously plenty of non-sane options like drinking, drugs, gambling, promiscuity, overeating, suicide... but what do people like me, who try to enjoy life and want to live, do to escape? I would offer TV, but clearly that wouldn't help me in my quest to get fit.

I welcome any suggestions. So far I've come up with reading.

Some of you may say "you have to face your problems!", but what happens when all that would do is drive you to the looney bin?

On a lighter but heavier note, I was 165.0 this morning. I didn't workout because it's my day off, but I imagine I would have been about the same weight as yesterday, which is okay but not great. I didn't have much to eat yesterday in preparation for dinner. I brought a friend from Toronto to Bofinger for meat and hockey. This may sound disgusting, but you have to try it sometime: I had BBQ chicken and 2 pork ribs with a side of mac'n'cheese. However, don't think by 2 ribs I mean two racks, I literally mean 2 ribs, but you should see the size of those suckers! It was fantastic, et en plus we won the hockey game yyyaaaaaayyyyy!

Alright, in case you read my blog and think I am walking around moping all day, that's not the case. I have my ups and downs, but I am mostly outwardly in an okay to happy mood. I am not thrilled about working today, but it's Friday, so I will be counting down to the weekend, then the days til I leave for Halifax...