Hi!
I have had so many ideas for blog posts and so much time, but have become a lazy bum and just never sit down and write. Which brings me to my main topic: boredom.
I have been working since the age of 14 or 15 (not including babysitting and all the odd jobs I did before that). Now, having put my babies in day care part time muuuch earlier than planned, I find myself with mornings off. For the most part this is a wonderful wonderful gift I have given myself. The sad part is that I hardly know what to do with myself and am feeling blue these days just for lack of inspiration.
I do get to workout, which is a nice boost of energy and pride for me. I could theoretically catch up on precious lost hours of sleep, but I cannot take a nap in the morning, it just does not happen. So I end up doing laundry, watching copious amounts of bad TV and spending far too much time on my phone doing nonsense.
I also have to refrain from going out and spending money since I am on a reduced income, so shopping (which I hate anyway) is sort of out of the question.
On the other hand, I have tried getting into a few things (volleyball, although my team is on a hiatus for this and possibly next season, volunteering, reading up on subjects of interest to me, contests,etc.). The problem with this is two fold: either people do not get back to me at all, or everyone I contact writes back at the same time. So now I have to hold back the urge to contact everyone I know and sign up for stuff at the risk of being overextended later on.
I know these aren't real problems. I am just not used to being bored because it takes so little to keep me amused. I am already sad my mat leave is coming to an end (only 3 months from now though) and I miss my boys. I also miss my friends and on some level I miss the feeling of going out dancing all night and having a few drinks.
That's all. I just felt like getting that out because I have nothing else to do but chores. I will try to embrace the boredom, embrace the last few months of having the luxury of not working or caring for the babies most mornings. I will try to be patient waiting for the results of an exam I did 5 months ago, for the bank to answer my questions, for the volunteering place to respond to my application email, for all the things... pffft! Ha. I am ridiculous and sorry for making you suffer through the worst blog post of all time.
Thursday, November 12, 2015
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Night Sweats: Proof the Internet and Science Still Have a Lot to Cover
I am attempting a whole second blog post in the same day. Ooh la la!
I will make it quick.
The reason I want to put this out in the Interverse is because I have been trying to do some research on this and have come up basically empty-handed apart from a handful of women's posts on discussion forums.
I suffer from night sweats. I am NOT in perimenopause or menopausal. I am not in poor health and do not have any illnesses to speak of. There is a slight possibility of low thyroid levels but that remains to be tested.
The only information pertaining to night sweats on the entire Interweb is related to menopause. There are a few sites that point to its relationship to breastfeeding and ovulation, but no one explains what is at play in those cases.
I have suffered from night sweats for a few years. In my case it happens about once or twice a month around the time I ovulate. This doesn't bother me so much but is still an irritant. Your body temperature spikes right after ovulation, which probably explains this. When I first started breastfeeding, I suffered from almost constant night sweats. Any time my babies would increase my supply (by feeding more often), it would get far worse. Now that nursing happens only about 5-6 times a day, I don't really get them apart from around ovulation now that I am menstruating again. However, for the first few minutes of EVERY feeding session, I break into a sweat.
Also interesting is that the sweating is partly concentrated around my chest and my ovaries (my gut, a very odd place to sweat).
I read one woman's blog on the Scientific American site (she appears to be the only person who has done any research into this), and she also finds a correlation with intense physical activity (especially in the evening) and night sweats. I play beach volleyball, usually late in the evening.
So if there are any scientists/researchers out there looking for an untouched subject to explore, PLEASE figure out what causes night sweats in healthy, physically active women who are breastfeeding and/or menstruating (not perimenopausal). Some very surface-level theories are already out there, but nothing conclusive and no solutions either. I would be deeply appreciative :)
I will make it quick.
The reason I want to put this out in the Interverse is because I have been trying to do some research on this and have come up basically empty-handed apart from a handful of women's posts on discussion forums.
I suffer from night sweats. I am NOT in perimenopause or menopausal. I am not in poor health and do not have any illnesses to speak of. There is a slight possibility of low thyroid levels but that remains to be tested.
The only information pertaining to night sweats on the entire Interweb is related to menopause. There are a few sites that point to its relationship to breastfeeding and ovulation, but no one explains what is at play in those cases.
I have suffered from night sweats for a few years. In my case it happens about once or twice a month around the time I ovulate. This doesn't bother me so much but is still an irritant. Your body temperature spikes right after ovulation, which probably explains this. When I first started breastfeeding, I suffered from almost constant night sweats. Any time my babies would increase my supply (by feeding more often), it would get far worse. Now that nursing happens only about 5-6 times a day, I don't really get them apart from around ovulation now that I am menstruating again. However, for the first few minutes of EVERY feeding session, I break into a sweat.
Also interesting is that the sweating is partly concentrated around my chest and my ovaries (my gut, a very odd place to sweat).
I read one woman's blog on the Scientific American site (she appears to be the only person who has done any research into this), and she also finds a correlation with intense physical activity (especially in the evening) and night sweats. I play beach volleyball, usually late in the evening.
So if there are any scientists/researchers out there looking for an untouched subject to explore, PLEASE figure out what causes night sweats in healthy, physically active women who are breastfeeding and/or menstruating (not perimenopausal). Some very surface-level theories are already out there, but nothing conclusive and no solutions either. I would be deeply appreciative :)
Reasons Being Busty Ain't That Glam
There are many reasons why big breasts are beautiful and lovely and wonderfully powerful (e.g. breastfeeding), but today I would like to share my pet peeves about being a large-chested lady. A few notes before I begin: my opinions apply solely to my own tatas and are not a judgment on any one else's, since I have seen some big boobs that probably defy some of the common complaints I list; also, I have at one point been a small chested lady (I was once very heavy, then quite thin, and now am on the curvier side again thanks to breastfeeding and having carried twins).
1. The ogling. Oh the ogling. It started when I was a mere 12 or 13 years old and never stopped until a few years back I brought my bazoongas back down to a reasonable B cup. For a glorious four or five years I was spared the embarrassment (for both parties) of having my breasts constantly stared at, and I had all but forgotten what it was like before. Now my breasts are back with a vengeance and so, too, are the stares: from cars, in shops, on the street... I am looking forward to when they shrivel up after breastfeeding is done so I can go back to only being approached by the creepiest of creeps, not a much larger group of inappropriate people. That is far more manageable.
2. The comments / touching. Okay, so this doesn't happen anywhere near as much, if at all, now that I am in my thirties and a mother, but I have had repeated comments about the size of my breasts. This doesn't actually bother me that much depending who is doing the remarking, but in my family my chest size has always been fodder for light jokes (along with those of my aunt and a few other well-endowed relatives). The touching, on the other hand, does not happen anymore. Thank God. No one really believes me or they are outright shocked when I tell them that people used to randomly grab my breasts with and without consent (and I am not talking about intimate partners here). I admit that I was very much relaxed about my body and I am a touchy person too, but with age I have learned about this little thing called a boundary. I have set some boundaries. Some of what I have experienced would classify as assault while other experiences would probably fall under inappropriate but not unwelcome jokes among friends. The other thing is that men in bars used to seem to think it was okay to try to pick me up by commenting on my chest, which I was usually trying to hide. Typically, that would earn them a shot of me putting them down rather harshly and belittling them.
3. Boob sweat. Female equivalent of ball sweat. The one advantage I have over men is the lift/separate effect of braziers.
4. Being unable to find industrial-strength sports bras. There are a few factors at play in my case: small rib cage, large cup size BUT with not so plump and perky breasts. Most thick sportsbras are great for large chests that are actually not too heavy and nice and plump.But for floppy, heavy boobs, their elastic straps equal 0 support while running and the potential for overflow from just about anywhere. I always have to buy bras that are about 2 sizes too small and then wiggle and squeeze my way into them (since I cannot get enough support from ones with elastic) until the ladies are locked down as if I were taping down my chest. When I do find a good one I usually wear it for the next 10 years because it is very hard to find any other good ones.
5. No backless dresses and generally nothing strapless either. Boo. I used to like my back a lot and always wished I could wear and open-back dress, but it just cannot happen.
6. Having big boobs makes you look fatter than you actually are. Now I am less concerned about fatness than I used to be (when I was a lot more insecure), but still it bothers me that unless I wear very fitted clothes, I look much heavier. I see girls wearing all these effortless, flowy fashions and know that I will look like an old lady wearing a moo moo if I were to wear the same thing.
7. Falling out of bras. Well, when I wear the proper size bras this isn't much of an issue, but when you are breastfeeding, your breasts change size throughout the day, so this is a constant concern. I have to change into a walking bra, and consider my bra choice if I am to be moving a lot or bending down or wearing my purse between my breasts, etc.
8. I always felt that having large breasts made me seem older. Maybe that's because the fashion choices for larger women used to be pretty horrid, or maybe that's because moms tend to have larger breasts because of having had children and such, and that's not the image I wanted to project when I was younger. I never really had age issues, but this was something I would think to myself in the angry rage that is getting dressed up to go out.
Okay, I think that's enough. Just felt like sharing a little of the downside of being busty. There are some upsides, but those are constantly thrown in our face (no pun intended) in the media and advertising, so I don't think those merit listing.
Have a bosomy day ladies!
1. The ogling. Oh the ogling. It started when I was a mere 12 or 13 years old and never stopped until a few years back I brought my bazoongas back down to a reasonable B cup. For a glorious four or five years I was spared the embarrassment (for both parties) of having my breasts constantly stared at, and I had all but forgotten what it was like before. Now my breasts are back with a vengeance and so, too, are the stares: from cars, in shops, on the street... I am looking forward to when they shrivel up after breastfeeding is done so I can go back to only being approached by the creepiest of creeps, not a much larger group of inappropriate people. That is far more manageable.
2. The comments / touching. Okay, so this doesn't happen anywhere near as much, if at all, now that I am in my thirties and a mother, but I have had repeated comments about the size of my breasts. This doesn't actually bother me that much depending who is doing the remarking, but in my family my chest size has always been fodder for light jokes (along with those of my aunt and a few other well-endowed relatives). The touching, on the other hand, does not happen anymore. Thank God. No one really believes me or they are outright shocked when I tell them that people used to randomly grab my breasts with and without consent (and I am not talking about intimate partners here). I admit that I was very much relaxed about my body and I am a touchy person too, but with age I have learned about this little thing called a boundary. I have set some boundaries. Some of what I have experienced would classify as assault while other experiences would probably fall under inappropriate but not unwelcome jokes among friends. The other thing is that men in bars used to seem to think it was okay to try to pick me up by commenting on my chest, which I was usually trying to hide. Typically, that would earn them a shot of me putting them down rather harshly and belittling them.
3. Boob sweat. Female equivalent of ball sweat. The one advantage I have over men is the lift/separate effect of braziers.
4. Being unable to find industrial-strength sports bras. There are a few factors at play in my case: small rib cage, large cup size BUT with not so plump and perky breasts. Most thick sportsbras are great for large chests that are actually not too heavy and nice and plump.But for floppy, heavy boobs, their elastic straps equal 0 support while running and the potential for overflow from just about anywhere. I always have to buy bras that are about 2 sizes too small and then wiggle and squeeze my way into them (since I cannot get enough support from ones with elastic) until the ladies are locked down as if I were taping down my chest. When I do find a good one I usually wear it for the next 10 years because it is very hard to find any other good ones.
5. No backless dresses and generally nothing strapless either. Boo. I used to like my back a lot and always wished I could wear and open-back dress, but it just cannot happen.
6. Having big boobs makes you look fatter than you actually are. Now I am less concerned about fatness than I used to be (when I was a lot more insecure), but still it bothers me that unless I wear very fitted clothes, I look much heavier. I see girls wearing all these effortless, flowy fashions and know that I will look like an old lady wearing a moo moo if I were to wear the same thing.
7. Falling out of bras. Well, when I wear the proper size bras this isn't much of an issue, but when you are breastfeeding, your breasts change size throughout the day, so this is a constant concern. I have to change into a walking bra, and consider my bra choice if I am to be moving a lot or bending down or wearing my purse between my breasts, etc.
8. I always felt that having large breasts made me seem older. Maybe that's because the fashion choices for larger women used to be pretty horrid, or maybe that's because moms tend to have larger breasts because of having had children and such, and that's not the image I wanted to project when I was younger. I never really had age issues, but this was something I would think to myself in the angry rage that is getting dressed up to go out.
Okay, I think that's enough. Just felt like sharing a little of the downside of being busty. There are some upsides, but those are constantly thrown in our face (no pun intended) in the media and advertising, so I don't think those merit listing.
Have a bosomy day ladies!
Sunday, August 2, 2015
Myths about pregnancy
So I thought I would share some myths and/or misconceptions that are rampant surrounding pregnancy and childbirth (women who plan on having kids one day take note).
1. You will not give a s--- that you don't have your period. Why? Because you are most likely replacing that with 10 or more other pregnancy symptoms like morning sickness, dizzy spells, acid reflux, ligament pains, mood swings and hemorrhoids. Of course SOME women at least love pregnancy at some point in the process, but there's a good chance a lot of it will suck. Also, whether you have a vaginal or caesarean delivery, things will get ugly, messy and painful for at least a few weeks afterward, in worse ways than any period. The good news is that you will probably not mind your period as much when it returns.
2. Breastfeeding does NOT make everyone lose weight. Like every single other aspect of pregnancy, you cannot generalize because everything just "depends". I am breastfeeding twins and have not lost a pound in 4 months. I have been eating a lot but gradually started eating well and very recently started exercising and I am losing weight at the same rate as pre-pregnancy.
3. You will probably either LOVE your body and/or HATE it during the pregnancy and you'll probably be panicking about "destroying your body". Know this: you cannot prevent stretch marks with cream; it is mostly genetic. And your body will most likely not look half as bad as you thought it would since it truly is a magical vessel. But also, you will probably care a lot less and be more forgiving of your "flaws" because of how you got them and what they represent. Also, the uncompromising love you suddenly feel for your child may rub off on how you see yourself. And a tip: don't be like all these new moms who are super stressed about getting back to pre-pregnancy weight in the first year; just give yourself a goddamn break, focus on being present for your family and then ease back into being active when it feels good. Do it for the energy, not for the fat loss.
5. Yes,you should probably exercise and watch your weight while pregnant but, like me, your hormones may take over your whole being and make that impossible and that is okay too. Don't listen to anyone but your doctor.
6. Fuck average. "They" say so many things about the average pregnancy, but every one I know had a different experience. I gained 85 lbs when the average for a twin pregnancy is about 35 or 40. I lost 55 of it within 2 weeks, then another 5. This means I have 25 more to go. BUT, my big ol' breastfeeding knockers weigh nearly 10 pounds so that means I essentially have the same 15 lbs to lose that the "average" woman is left with. Booyah. I am six months in and just now have the time and energy to start getting more active. I tried earlier and it just made me angry, so I just waited.
7. Some new moms have a super hard time, some have less of a hard time. If you are finding it impossible, you NEED to reach out and not feel bad and don't expect people to do anything: you have to tell people what you need.
8. A whole lot of people have miscarriages or have trouble conceiving and don't ever talk openly about it, so people don't realize they're not alone in grieving the loss or coping with that stress. If you ever get pregnant you will probably then understand why some people cannot just "get over" a miscarriage that quickly. As soon as you are pregnant you have hopes, expectations, dreams. You then live in a semi constant fear of anything going wrong with the pregnancy, and a lot of times the worst does happen. It is horrible. But I imagine you will survive and get through it. I have seen people I love do it and go on to have wonderful healthy kids after.
9. Nothing will be quite how you imagined. Whether you imagined it being easy or total chaos, both will probably be true. All the theories you have about the kind of parent you think you will be go out the window and you just start being whoever it is you already are but more so. Parenting may bring out the worst in you or the best. I thought pregnancy would be the easy part and delivery the hard part and it was just the opposite. I LOVED my delivery experience. Breastfeeding was really hard. Everything after delivery was really hard and so amazing too. But eventually things g9t great at about 4 months. For other people pregnancy is awesome and then the first few years hell. You could end up with twins or triplets, you could end up with a sick child, you could end up with one child who is great and then turns into a monster. Throw your expectations out the window because almost everything will probably work out in the end.
10. People project all their crap onto their own and other people's kids. SO many people have told me that if I were pregnant with a boy and a girl (rather than my identical twin boys) then I would be "done". As if a boy/girl combo os some ideal. Well fuck that. First of all, whatever you give birth to will probably be awesome in your eyes. Secondly, there is no perfect formula for a family. You could have two dads, one mom, 6 kids, all girls, two gay sons, one transgendered daughter, one boy or girl who acts more like the other gender. Stop making everything so boring and obvious. I ended up with twins and had wanted 2 kids (depending how we did with 1). Now I am even open to the possibility of more, but I may also just tell myself no because you cannot expect your next child to be anything like the first.
11. For me, the love I feel for my boys is soft and subtle and tender. I am not this Lioness mom I thought I would be. I don't feel overwhelmed but I feel at peace and full of love. I feel deeply appreciative of the fact we were lucky enough to get pregnant so easily and to have two easy boys. I feel more open and less judgemental and more empathetic. I feel FAR more cautious though. I take NO risks because I could never forgive myself if that one time I didn't do this or that hurt my boys in any way. You may not even feel any attachment to your baby when they are first born. Don't be ashamed, just speak to someone about it. It could just take you a while or you may be depressed and not think you are. You are not a terrible mom. Hormones control everything. Every. Single. Thing.
Good luck.
1. You will not give a s--- that you don't have your period. Why? Because you are most likely replacing that with 10 or more other pregnancy symptoms like morning sickness, dizzy spells, acid reflux, ligament pains, mood swings and hemorrhoids. Of course SOME women at least love pregnancy at some point in the process, but there's a good chance a lot of it will suck. Also, whether you have a vaginal or caesarean delivery, things will get ugly, messy and painful for at least a few weeks afterward, in worse ways than any period. The good news is that you will probably not mind your period as much when it returns.
2. Breastfeeding does NOT make everyone lose weight. Like every single other aspect of pregnancy, you cannot generalize because everything just "depends". I am breastfeeding twins and have not lost a pound in 4 months. I have been eating a lot but gradually started eating well and very recently started exercising and I am losing weight at the same rate as pre-pregnancy.
3. You will probably either LOVE your body and/or HATE it during the pregnancy and you'll probably be panicking about "destroying your body". Know this: you cannot prevent stretch marks with cream; it is mostly genetic. And your body will most likely not look half as bad as you thought it would since it truly is a magical vessel. But also, you will probably care a lot less and be more forgiving of your "flaws" because of how you got them and what they represent. Also, the uncompromising love you suddenly feel for your child may rub off on how you see yourself. And a tip: don't be like all these new moms who are super stressed about getting back to pre-pregnancy weight in the first year; just give yourself a goddamn break, focus on being present for your family and then ease back into being active when it feels good. Do it for the energy, not for the fat loss.
5. Yes,you should probably exercise and watch your weight while pregnant but, like me, your hormones may take over your whole being and make that impossible and that is okay too. Don't listen to anyone but your doctor.
6. Fuck average. "They" say so many things about the average pregnancy, but every one I know had a different experience. I gained 85 lbs when the average for a twin pregnancy is about 35 or 40. I lost 55 of it within 2 weeks, then another 5. This means I have 25 more to go. BUT, my big ol' breastfeeding knockers weigh nearly 10 pounds so that means I essentially have the same 15 lbs to lose that the "average" woman is left with. Booyah. I am six months in and just now have the time and energy to start getting more active. I tried earlier and it just made me angry, so I just waited.
7. Some new moms have a super hard time, some have less of a hard time. If you are finding it impossible, you NEED to reach out and not feel bad and don't expect people to do anything: you have to tell people what you need.
8. A whole lot of people have miscarriages or have trouble conceiving and don't ever talk openly about it, so people don't realize they're not alone in grieving the loss or coping with that stress. If you ever get pregnant you will probably then understand why some people cannot just "get over" a miscarriage that quickly. As soon as you are pregnant you have hopes, expectations, dreams. You then live in a semi constant fear of anything going wrong with the pregnancy, and a lot of times the worst does happen. It is horrible. But I imagine you will survive and get through it. I have seen people I love do it and go on to have wonderful healthy kids after.
9. Nothing will be quite how you imagined. Whether you imagined it being easy or total chaos, both will probably be true. All the theories you have about the kind of parent you think you will be go out the window and you just start being whoever it is you already are but more so. Parenting may bring out the worst in you or the best. I thought pregnancy would be the easy part and delivery the hard part and it was just the opposite. I LOVED my delivery experience. Breastfeeding was really hard. Everything after delivery was really hard and so amazing too. But eventually things g9t great at about 4 months. For other people pregnancy is awesome and then the first few years hell. You could end up with twins or triplets, you could end up with a sick child, you could end up with one child who is great and then turns into a monster. Throw your expectations out the window because almost everything will probably work out in the end.
10. People project all their crap onto their own and other people's kids. SO many people have told me that if I were pregnant with a boy and a girl (rather than my identical twin boys) then I would be "done". As if a boy/girl combo os some ideal. Well fuck that. First of all, whatever you give birth to will probably be awesome in your eyes. Secondly, there is no perfect formula for a family. You could have two dads, one mom, 6 kids, all girls, two gay sons, one transgendered daughter, one boy or girl who acts more like the other gender. Stop making everything so boring and obvious. I ended up with twins and had wanted 2 kids (depending how we did with 1). Now I am even open to the possibility of more, but I may also just tell myself no because you cannot expect your next child to be anything like the first.
11. For me, the love I feel for my boys is soft and subtle and tender. I am not this Lioness mom I thought I would be. I don't feel overwhelmed but I feel at peace and full of love. I feel deeply appreciative of the fact we were lucky enough to get pregnant so easily and to have two easy boys. I feel more open and less judgemental and more empathetic. I feel FAR more cautious though. I take NO risks because I could never forgive myself if that one time I didn't do this or that hurt my boys in any way. You may not even feel any attachment to your baby when they are first born. Don't be ashamed, just speak to someone about it. It could just take you a while or you may be depressed and not think you are. You are not a terrible mom. Hormones control everything. Every. Single. Thing.
Good luck.
Monday, July 6, 2015
Mixed bag
Hi people!
I remembered one of those blog post ideas I had that I forgot when it came time to write. It is in fact about parenting but it was just a thought / piece of advice for other parents.
So when you're pregnant and once the baby(ies) arrive, people always tell you "Oh enjoy this while it lasts because it goes by so quickly." These well-intentioned people are the same ones who tell you to stock up on sleep. I have two things to say about this.
1) You cannot stock up on sleep and, nowadays, everyone in their right mind is well-aware that having a newborn means your sleep will likely be horrible for the next long while. I wasn't sleeping well throughout a large chunk of my pregnancy and was actually getting better sleep once the babies arrived. Not more, but better. Whether you slept for a week straight before the birth or were already sleeping badly, fatigue is fatigue. I almost felt "prepared" for the lack of sleep because I was not sleeping well beforehand. Also, no one tells you that there is a small chance you will be able to sleep if, for example, you have one baby and that baby isn't sick and is bottle fed (sharing night duties with the other parent). With twins it is unlikely that both parents won't be needed most of the time, especially for breastfeeding. The important takeaway is to keep your expectations low, always ask for / take any help you can get to get some shuteye and remind yourself that it won't last forever. Now, at 5 months, I am fortunate that my babies are sleeping through the night (7 p.m. to 4 a.m. then back to sleep until 6:30 am). This happens for some babies at 2-3 months, for others at a year old, so I'm smack in the middle if not early. That is a huge blessing since I've twice the potential for shitty sleep.
2) This brings me to my next point. There is one way to interpret the "enjoy it while it lasts" advice (which, by the way, I find very gloomy to say to someone and it always makes me sad, so I wish people would stop saying this to me; plus, I AM enjoying it while it is happening, apart from the shitty stuff, but do people really expect that telling you to enjoy it will make you enjoy crying/pooping and all that glorious stuff?!), it is to understand that any good/great progress in your baby's development (namely with respect to sleeping or fussiness) really should be appreciated for what it is, with no expectation that a few hours later the situation will stay the same. Every time my babies started to sleep longer, I would get all excited thinking it would stick. Then, that night would be awful. I am slowly learning to appreciate those great nights without expecting that it has officially become habit. So even though my babies have "slept through the night" (which doesn't quite mean what it sounds like: it really means sleeping a 5-6 hour stretch) for over a week now, I know that any number of things could change that at any moment: a busy day that makes them overtired, sickness, teething, a growth spurt, allergies/indigestion once they start eating solids, change in routine, new learning milestones, separation anxiety... So THAT is how I interpret "enjoy it while it lasts" and would recommend any new parent do the same.
On that same note, last night was the first night the babies slept in their own room. It was sad but necessary to be able to reorganize our whole home to make room for a caged-in play yard in the living room since the babies are getting shifty :) This is how it is when you live in a relatively small space. For each item in, one item out. We got to test out our very "Paranormal-Activity-esque" night vision baby monitor cameras. The downside: we got no sleep because of nerves. The upside: the babies slept better than ever (7 pm to 5 am) since their own room is much darker and quieter without us in it.
Things do really go so quickly...
I remembered one of those blog post ideas I had that I forgot when it came time to write. It is in fact about parenting but it was just a thought / piece of advice for other parents.
So when you're pregnant and once the baby(ies) arrive, people always tell you "Oh enjoy this while it lasts because it goes by so quickly." These well-intentioned people are the same ones who tell you to stock up on sleep. I have two things to say about this.
1) You cannot stock up on sleep and, nowadays, everyone in their right mind is well-aware that having a newborn means your sleep will likely be horrible for the next long while. I wasn't sleeping well throughout a large chunk of my pregnancy and was actually getting better sleep once the babies arrived. Not more, but better. Whether you slept for a week straight before the birth or were already sleeping badly, fatigue is fatigue. I almost felt "prepared" for the lack of sleep because I was not sleeping well beforehand. Also, no one tells you that there is a small chance you will be able to sleep if, for example, you have one baby and that baby isn't sick and is bottle fed (sharing night duties with the other parent). With twins it is unlikely that both parents won't be needed most of the time, especially for breastfeeding. The important takeaway is to keep your expectations low, always ask for / take any help you can get to get some shuteye and remind yourself that it won't last forever. Now, at 5 months, I am fortunate that my babies are sleeping through the night (7 p.m. to 4 a.m. then back to sleep until 6:30 am). This happens for some babies at 2-3 months, for others at a year old, so I'm smack in the middle if not early. That is a huge blessing since I've twice the potential for shitty sleep.
2) This brings me to my next point. There is one way to interpret the "enjoy it while it lasts" advice (which, by the way, I find very gloomy to say to someone and it always makes me sad, so I wish people would stop saying this to me; plus, I AM enjoying it while it is happening, apart from the shitty stuff, but do people really expect that telling you to enjoy it will make you enjoy crying/pooping and all that glorious stuff?!), it is to understand that any good/great progress in your baby's development (namely with respect to sleeping or fussiness) really should be appreciated for what it is, with no expectation that a few hours later the situation will stay the same. Every time my babies started to sleep longer, I would get all excited thinking it would stick. Then, that night would be awful. I am slowly learning to appreciate those great nights without expecting that it has officially become habit. So even though my babies have "slept through the night" (which doesn't quite mean what it sounds like: it really means sleeping a 5-6 hour stretch) for over a week now, I know that any number of things could change that at any moment: a busy day that makes them overtired, sickness, teething, a growth spurt, allergies/indigestion once they start eating solids, change in routine, new learning milestones, separation anxiety... So THAT is how I interpret "enjoy it while it lasts" and would recommend any new parent do the same.
On that same note, last night was the first night the babies slept in their own room. It was sad but necessary to be able to reorganize our whole home to make room for a caged-in play yard in the living room since the babies are getting shifty :) This is how it is when you live in a relatively small space. For each item in, one item out. We got to test out our very "Paranormal-Activity-esque" night vision baby monitor cameras. The downside: we got no sleep because of nerves. The upside: the babies slept better than ever (7 pm to 5 am) since their own room is much darker and quieter without us in it.
Things do really go so quickly...
Sunday, June 28, 2015
quick rant
I am annoyed that people in the parent groups I belong to say things like "Looking for a girl diaper bag since I am having a girl" or "Looking for a girl baby carrier" etc. First of all, these objects are the parent's equipment, not the child's. Second, what difference does it make whether your diaper bag is girly or just nice or plain? Something CAN be nice and be suitable for men and women. If you want something feminine then own it, don't put that on the child. Third, do we have to drill a child's gender into them before they get to the age where their own preferences prevail (in which case they may indeed want everything pink). I mean come on people. If she was born with a vagina she knows it. She does not need everything in her surroundings to tell her like a billboard that reads "You're a girl and this is what that means."
But then again, who am I to judge? I just felt like putting that out there safely in the comfort of my blog :)
But then again, who am I to judge? I just felt like putting that out there safely in the comfort of my blog :)
Monday, June 22, 2015
So many ideas, so little time
I often come up with (obviously) genius blog post topics and thoughts, but (obviously) don't have the time to apply myself. Ha! I am joking. Well, somewhat. Surprisingly enough, I do in fact have time to post in an average day, but it is the desire to sit in front of a computer that is lacking. It would mean giving up a chance to eat/nap/clean/watch TV/read/go for a walk/make calls, etc. I do really have a million blog post ideas. But by the time I get around to writing, all of them mysteriously disappear and I am left rambling about whatever pops into my head as I type.
Life with the twins has continued to be mostly wonderful. I am in love. They don't give us much trouble and haven't been sick apart from a fever following some vaccinations, so we are very fortunate thus far. We get more and more sleep. (In fact, for Father's Day they let us "sleep in" until 8 am!!! That's the latest/longest I have slept in probably 8 months, since I was sleeping horribly during the pregnancy as well.)
(My babies just started to wake up so I will have to come back to this later on...)
-- Note: I just got called back for a casting call for the twins. We will do our first (and maybe last) TV cameo in a Quebec comedy series. I am doing this for several reasons: a) since I am having them live out my dream of being an actress; b) it gives me something interesting to do with my days; and c) it's money for our boys' education... not much, but it's something. --
And now back to official business.
I've wanted to write about several things: a summary of my pregnancy, my state of fitness, a rant about how pets are NOT children (but with all due respect for my pet-loving friends--I did have and loved pets too--, just a rant about how you cannot compare humans and responsibility for them to caring for a pet, even though they both bring something wonderful to the world), and some other things that have nothing to do with babies, pregnancy or fitness, but that I've long forgotten.
So for now I will just give my usual update. The babies are now almost 5 months old and this is a wonderful time since they laugh and smile and babble adorably. They are also a bit fussier since they are growing/teething/having vaccinations and all that regular stuff, since premies are VERY quiet in the first couple months my experience. I am still exclusively breastfeeding, always simultaneously so I can make the most of my non-feeding time. The babies are awake more hours of the day too, so that means it requires more of my attention. I am now starting to examine the possibilities for future childcare because I see for myself how important it is to stimulate the babies and give them opportunities to learn. I almost feel bad sometimes that I am a little too "no frills" (i.e. cheap/unwilling to buy into consumer society/lazy/unwilling to go shop to buy more toys... however you want to see it). I am trying to figure out what they need as I go, and I am always telling myself to stay between "there are children in the world who spend entire days attached to their mothers learning just from being next to her" and "there are children who have access to brain stimulating toys, have moms who participate in baby/mom activities and create/buy things based on Pinterest". I want to be something in between that. My favourite thing is reading to the boys and going for walks, and I hope to get them into swimming lessons (we're on a waiting list), and that's more than some moms can say, and so much less than other moms who make their own granola and such.
On a related note: I learned from planning my wedding that I am more willing to pay for bespoke items than to DIY anything AND Pinterest is the enemy of people like me and I must absolutely set boundaries for myself when I use it, boundaries such as telling myself I am allowed to look for a specific paint colour for our bathroom and NOT allowed to scroll for hours looking at things I can neither afford nor muster the willingness to craft myself.
I am part of a FB group for parents of multiples. We ask each other questions specific to parenting twins/triplets, etc. as this kind of information isn't as readily Googlable as standard baby rearing info for one child. One woman asked the other parents what they did for their babies' rooms and how to do it on a budget. We all submitted pictures of what we did and I was blown away at how much effort people put into their babies' rooms. I mean these rooms were GORGEOUS and they were inspired by Pinterest and did a lot of it themselves or with a lot of money. I suddenly felt guilty/bad about my extremely simple room that took almost zero effort. But then I reminded myself that the fact the babies have a room (let alone a roof over their heads) and that I put ANY effort into it makes them more spoiled than most children in the world. They will grow up loving it because it is their place just as I loved many of my unimpressive and minuscule rooms growing up. But my oh my is it easy to start comparing yourself to others and feeling like you're not doing enough. On the other hand, I am fairly confident in my mothering ability and I do a lot of reading and asking for advice, so that is really what counts. The babies are getting wonderfully fat and are very happy.
Babies are waking again. Must go. I will stop apologizing after this because it happens every time, but for this and all future posts, I am deeply sorry that it is incoherent and lacks a clear topic.
Oh, I did want to mention that as of today I am starting to try to get in better shape. I have set a goal of 10 pushups, 10 crunches and 5 handstands per day until I am ready for more (apart form my once-weekly beach volleyball matches). Today I have done 5 pushups, 10 crunches and 1 handstand so far. A 2-hour walk as well. I have lost maybe 2 pounds in 4 months and have been gradually getting better but eating rather poorly. So today is the day I start to make a minimal effort until I am prepared for a big push.
Have a wonderful day.
Life with the twins has continued to be mostly wonderful. I am in love. They don't give us much trouble and haven't been sick apart from a fever following some vaccinations, so we are very fortunate thus far. We get more and more sleep. (In fact, for Father's Day they let us "sleep in" until 8 am!!! That's the latest/longest I have slept in probably 8 months, since I was sleeping horribly during the pregnancy as well.)
(My babies just started to wake up so I will have to come back to this later on...)
-- Note: I just got called back for a casting call for the twins. We will do our first (and maybe last) TV cameo in a Quebec comedy series. I am doing this for several reasons: a) since I am having them live out my dream of being an actress; b) it gives me something interesting to do with my days; and c) it's money for our boys' education... not much, but it's something. --
And now back to official business.
I've wanted to write about several things: a summary of my pregnancy, my state of fitness, a rant about how pets are NOT children (but with all due respect for my pet-loving friends--I did have and loved pets too--, just a rant about how you cannot compare humans and responsibility for them to caring for a pet, even though they both bring something wonderful to the world), and some other things that have nothing to do with babies, pregnancy or fitness, but that I've long forgotten.
So for now I will just give my usual update. The babies are now almost 5 months old and this is a wonderful time since they laugh and smile and babble adorably. They are also a bit fussier since they are growing/teething/having vaccinations and all that regular stuff, since premies are VERY quiet in the first couple months my experience. I am still exclusively breastfeeding, always simultaneously so I can make the most of my non-feeding time. The babies are awake more hours of the day too, so that means it requires more of my attention. I am now starting to examine the possibilities for future childcare because I see for myself how important it is to stimulate the babies and give them opportunities to learn. I almost feel bad sometimes that I am a little too "no frills" (i.e. cheap/unwilling to buy into consumer society/lazy/unwilling to go shop to buy more toys... however you want to see it). I am trying to figure out what they need as I go, and I am always telling myself to stay between "there are children in the world who spend entire days attached to their mothers learning just from being next to her" and "there are children who have access to brain stimulating toys, have moms who participate in baby/mom activities and create/buy things based on Pinterest". I want to be something in between that. My favourite thing is reading to the boys and going for walks, and I hope to get them into swimming lessons (we're on a waiting list), and that's more than some moms can say, and so much less than other moms who make their own granola and such.
On a related note: I learned from planning my wedding that I am more willing to pay for bespoke items than to DIY anything AND Pinterest is the enemy of people like me and I must absolutely set boundaries for myself when I use it, boundaries such as telling myself I am allowed to look for a specific paint colour for our bathroom and NOT allowed to scroll for hours looking at things I can neither afford nor muster the willingness to craft myself.
I am part of a FB group for parents of multiples. We ask each other questions specific to parenting twins/triplets, etc. as this kind of information isn't as readily Googlable as standard baby rearing info for one child. One woman asked the other parents what they did for their babies' rooms and how to do it on a budget. We all submitted pictures of what we did and I was blown away at how much effort people put into their babies' rooms. I mean these rooms were GORGEOUS and they were inspired by Pinterest and did a lot of it themselves or with a lot of money. I suddenly felt guilty/bad about my extremely simple room that took almost zero effort. But then I reminded myself that the fact the babies have a room (let alone a roof over their heads) and that I put ANY effort into it makes them more spoiled than most children in the world. They will grow up loving it because it is their place just as I loved many of my unimpressive and minuscule rooms growing up. But my oh my is it easy to start comparing yourself to others and feeling like you're not doing enough. On the other hand, I am fairly confident in my mothering ability and I do a lot of reading and asking for advice, so that is really what counts. The babies are getting wonderfully fat and are very happy.
Babies are waking again. Must go. I will stop apologizing after this because it happens every time, but for this and all future posts, I am deeply sorry that it is incoherent and lacks a clear topic.
Oh, I did want to mention that as of today I am starting to try to get in better shape. I have set a goal of 10 pushups, 10 crunches and 5 handstands per day until I am ready for more (apart form my once-weekly beach volleyball matches). Today I have done 5 pushups, 10 crunches and 1 handstand so far. A 2-hour walk as well. I have lost maybe 2 pounds in 4 months and have been gradually getting better but eating rather poorly. So today is the day I start to make a minimal effort until I am prepared for a big push.
Have a wonderful day.
Thursday, March 12, 2015
Life now
Well hello there stranger!
This is my fifth week of parenthood and my third day taking care of the boys all on my own during the day as Hairy has returned to work :( I am finding it all manageable and lovely apart from always being exhausted (but that would be the case whether it were twins or not) and something called "cluster feeds". If you don't know what that is, well it's when babies sometime feed repeatedly in a short period. It's more like a cluster f--k if you ask me. Let me explain: Baby 1 is hungry and crying, so I start breastfeeding him. Baby 2 starts crying shortly after so I attempt to feed both at once, which goes so well it puts them to sleep on my lap. I decide to put them to sleep in their bassinet and they immediately start crying with hunger again. I feed for another 30-40 minutes (after spending about 30 minutes already on the first round) and they fall asleep again, or one of them does. I move them and keep feeding whichever of them is still fussing. At times this can all take something like 2 or more hours of breastfeeding, with diaper changes and other tactics to awaken them to keep feeding until they are satiated. So those cluster feeds are infuriating but I have those two adorable nuggets in my face and it is impossible to be angry even though I curse to the high heavens.
I am basically solely breastfeeding now, which comes with it's challenges but is nicer than the routine we had when we first came home. I called in a lactation consultant on the advice of a good friend and it was a wise move. I must say, as much as people warned me I would get all kinds of unsolicited advice while pregnant, so far I have received almost entirely helpful advice and have heeded lots of it. Breastfeeding is nowhere near instinctual. You would think it would be, but really your ability to continue breastfeeding more than a few weeks rests on your ability to get a good latch, which is so particular to you and your baby's mouth. I would encourage anyone who wants to breastfeed to speak to a lactation consultant within the first week or two of birth (I waited a month since I had the help of nurses for the first two weeks in the nursery).
My mom asked me this morning "So, what are your plans for today," and I laughed. I don't really have plans beyond medical appointments, 1-hour visits from guests, etc. My life is breastfeed-changediapers-breastfeed-letbabiessleepandtrytogetafewthingsdoneornapfor20mins-breatsfeed-eat, and so on. We did, however, take our first walk outdoors yesterday (my first time using the stroller). It wasn't easy to get out of the building, so I had to exit/come in through a very dangerous garage/driveway. I asked the person in charge if I can get a key for the handicapped persons' elevator in the lobby and apparently I cannot. So since I can't lift the double stroller down even a small flight of stairs, I am going to have to devise a new plan. It was a good trial run to see what kinds of obstacles there are.
I have lost just 1 lb in the last few weeks. Nutritionists recommend eating 3000 calories a day if you're breastfeeding twins (the objective not being to lose weight), and I am pretty sure I am coming close to that a lot of days thanks to croissants and cookies interspersed with healthier yet low calorie meals. So my main focus is to eat well enough to maintain breastfeeding and my babies' health, but I look forward to dropping down at least another 15 lbs or so to feel more comfortable, say, running or playing beach vball, which I intend to do this summer.
I did manage to organize myself to go get waxed after being a hairy beast since returning from my honeymoon and next week I will get my hair done for the first time since then as well. I really feel good about myself these days. The weight isn't bothering me like it might have in the past (maybe because I feel very fortunate that I was spared any stretch marks and may have nothing worse than a little bit of a loose tummy by the time I get back in shape after becoming SO huge). I felt so down and immobile while pregnant that now I am mostly focused on the feeling of being mobile and active. But for the sake of continuity, I am currently at 179 lbs or so, down from 235 lbs in pregnancy and up from 153 lbs pre-pregnancy. That means I would need to lose 26 lbs to get back to my original weight. All I really care about though is getting down by enough so my boobs shrink and my legs feel lighter so that running is enjoyable and not torture,
Did I mention that when I breastfeed I always end up stuck watching sh-t TV like Dr. Phil because I dare not move one of the babies lest they resume shrieking? I am calling this a lap trap.
Okay, I have to run to attend to one of my spawn. I wanted to write some stuff about non-parent related topics but ran out of time... booo.
This is my fifth week of parenthood and my third day taking care of the boys all on my own during the day as Hairy has returned to work :( I am finding it all manageable and lovely apart from always being exhausted (but that would be the case whether it were twins or not) and something called "cluster feeds". If you don't know what that is, well it's when babies sometime feed repeatedly in a short period. It's more like a cluster f--k if you ask me. Let me explain: Baby 1 is hungry and crying, so I start breastfeeding him. Baby 2 starts crying shortly after so I attempt to feed both at once, which goes so well it puts them to sleep on my lap. I decide to put them to sleep in their bassinet and they immediately start crying with hunger again. I feed for another 30-40 minutes (after spending about 30 minutes already on the first round) and they fall asleep again, or one of them does. I move them and keep feeding whichever of them is still fussing. At times this can all take something like 2 or more hours of breastfeeding, with diaper changes and other tactics to awaken them to keep feeding until they are satiated. So those cluster feeds are infuriating but I have those two adorable nuggets in my face and it is impossible to be angry even though I curse to the high heavens.
I am basically solely breastfeeding now, which comes with it's challenges but is nicer than the routine we had when we first came home. I called in a lactation consultant on the advice of a good friend and it was a wise move. I must say, as much as people warned me I would get all kinds of unsolicited advice while pregnant, so far I have received almost entirely helpful advice and have heeded lots of it. Breastfeeding is nowhere near instinctual. You would think it would be, but really your ability to continue breastfeeding more than a few weeks rests on your ability to get a good latch, which is so particular to you and your baby's mouth. I would encourage anyone who wants to breastfeed to speak to a lactation consultant within the first week or two of birth (I waited a month since I had the help of nurses for the first two weeks in the nursery).
My mom asked me this morning "So, what are your plans for today," and I laughed. I don't really have plans beyond medical appointments, 1-hour visits from guests, etc. My life is breastfeed-changediapers-breastfeed-letbabiessleepandtrytogetafewthingsdoneornapfor20mins-breatsfeed-eat, and so on. We did, however, take our first walk outdoors yesterday (my first time using the stroller). It wasn't easy to get out of the building, so I had to exit/come in through a very dangerous garage/driveway. I asked the person in charge if I can get a key for the handicapped persons' elevator in the lobby and apparently I cannot. So since I can't lift the double stroller down even a small flight of stairs, I am going to have to devise a new plan. It was a good trial run to see what kinds of obstacles there are.
I have lost just 1 lb in the last few weeks. Nutritionists recommend eating 3000 calories a day if you're breastfeeding twins (the objective not being to lose weight), and I am pretty sure I am coming close to that a lot of days thanks to croissants and cookies interspersed with healthier yet low calorie meals. So my main focus is to eat well enough to maintain breastfeeding and my babies' health, but I look forward to dropping down at least another 15 lbs or so to feel more comfortable, say, running or playing beach vball, which I intend to do this summer.
I did manage to organize myself to go get waxed after being a hairy beast since returning from my honeymoon and next week I will get my hair done for the first time since then as well. I really feel good about myself these days. The weight isn't bothering me like it might have in the past (maybe because I feel very fortunate that I was spared any stretch marks and may have nothing worse than a little bit of a loose tummy by the time I get back in shape after becoming SO huge). I felt so down and immobile while pregnant that now I am mostly focused on the feeling of being mobile and active. But for the sake of continuity, I am currently at 179 lbs or so, down from 235 lbs in pregnancy and up from 153 lbs pre-pregnancy. That means I would need to lose 26 lbs to get back to my original weight. All I really care about though is getting down by enough so my boobs shrink and my legs feel lighter so that running is enjoyable and not torture,
Did I mention that when I breastfeed I always end up stuck watching sh-t TV like Dr. Phil because I dare not move one of the babies lest they resume shrieking? I am calling this a lap trap.
Okay, I have to run to attend to one of my spawn. I wanted to write some stuff about non-parent related topics but ran out of time... booo.
Sunday, February 22, 2015
It's aliiiive!
Hello? Is anyone out there?
I have excellent news: my twins were finally born, and three weeks later, I finally have 10 minutes alone/not busy to do something I want to do, so I am blogging.
Alas, at 36 weeks pregnant my doctor decided the time had come to induce me (originally she planned for it to be 1 week later, at 37 weeks, but plans changed once the doc saw the ultrasound; they decided to induce me the following day because of the growing discrepancy in the babies' size). I think the sight of me painfully bloated (I honestly looked like someone who is morbidly obese, as in that level of swelling that looks just so uncomfortable) plus my uncontrollable crying spells were enough to convince her it was best to remove the beasts from my insides.
With my mind now completely at ease, I went to sleep that night only to be awakened one more time (as you know, I was already waking up every 15 mins or so) to go pee, but arrived to the toilet just in time for my water to break in gushes just like in the movies, except I wasn't on a date. I was so so so very happy. I waited until I had things under control, started preparing our bags and went to wake up Hairy (it was 3 am when my water broke) and we made our way to the hospital by 4:30. My registration at the hospital was a bit unpleasant and messy (they don't tell you your water could keep gushing and gushing for hours whenever you have JUST stood up from the toilet and you have to sit right back down, thank you very much!). When they examined me, I wasn't dilated at all, so they wheeled me to my delivery room and started giving me an IV drip of a hormone to trigger contractions. Let me just say, the IV being inserted was the most painful part of my labour.
The contractions grew in intensity from about 5:30 am to noon, and when I finally started to feel pain, I thought I was managing quite well. Then the back pain became unbearable and we started talking epidural. I had planned to take an epidural around 3-5 cm dilated, but they offered it to me in the middle of a horrible contraction before I was examined by a doctor, so I gladly insisted they go grab the anesthetist, stat. Once the epidural was done, I was examined and I had only dilated 1.5 cm... this could have spelled a terribly long labour. But in fact, I went through the entire rest of the labour process feeling only vague, painless sensations and was able to sleep on and off without pain for the first time in months. I was so happy. The downside was that I was hooked up to an IV, a heart rate monitor for each baby, a contraction monitor, the epidural stuff, and they kept coming to check my blood pressure since it had spiked. They had to empty my bladder for me once the epidrual was done and I had to stay lying in basically one position the whole time. But despite all of this, I was on cloud nine. I should point out though that when Hairy and I were first wheeled into the delivery room I did have another crying spell, this time out of anxiety over labour. I felt that after so many months of pain, immobility and exhaustion, I wouldn't have it in me to endure anything. Were it not for the epidural, I may not have.
So, I "laboured" until about 9 or 10 pm before reaching the golden 10-cm mark, then they wanted me to tell them when I had the urge to push. This never happened, so I asked them "what next" and they said they would just tell me when to push and I'd give my all. I asked how long this part could take and they said usually about an hour and a half. After one or two weak pushes, they told me how to do it more effectively and suddenly BAM! In 20 minutes (5 minutes apart) I had pushed out 2 babies like a champ and Hairy and I were overwhelmed with relief, joy, and this other indescribable feelingI guess is the love part :)
Rafael was born first, at just over 5 lbs, and Tomas was about 4.7 lbs. After holding each of them briefly, Hairy escorted them to the nursery for special care. Their blood sugar was low so they had to stay there for 8-9 days. After my private room stay for 3 days with Hairy, I was moved to a courtesy room and Hairy would come from morning to night and then return home. It was chaos on all counts. No sleep. Erratic eating. Crying, lots of crying. But all in all, being able to learn from the special care nurses around the clock for over a week was the best thing that could have happened to us. We came home feeling as equipped as you can for life with twins.
So about that, life with twins, here's how it goes assuming a perfect day of eating, etc. For the sake of this post I'll start at 6 am but there are really no more hours and days anymore, they all blend into one endless cycle.
6 am: baby 1 needs to be fed, so I attempt breastfeeding for 5-20 minutes. While I do this, Hairy prepares bottles (of pumped breast milk). Once baby 1 is done or falls asleep, we generally change his diaper to wake him up and then start giving him his bottle, which in all will take about 40 minutes. While he is bottle fed, I start breastfeeding baby 2, but he's not latching for more than 5-10 minutes at a time yet so we quickly move on to the bottle. They both inevitably poop or stop eating because they have gas, so the whole process combined once both are fed and changed and put back to sleep is anywhere from 60 to 90 minutes or more, and that's with two of us working together. I then pump breast milk for about 10 minutes and bottle that. We clean all bottles. So now it's about 7-7:30 am and the next feeding is 3 hours from the start of the last one, so we have to start all over at 9 am. That's 1.5 hours to either sleep, eat, clean, feed babies when they are still hungry, bathe, call people, have visitors, etc. And it goes like this 24/7 non-stop. The only exception is when we ONLY bottle feed them with no breastfeeding attempt and I do not pump (in exceptional situations when I need to hand them off so I can sleep for more than 1 hour at a time).
It is absolutely exhausting, but Hairy and I make a great team and we are madly in love with the boys.
Okay, my time is up. Both babies are crying and I am letting Hairy sleep since he let me sleep earlier this morning... gotta run
I have excellent news: my twins were finally born, and three weeks later, I finally have 10 minutes alone/not busy to do something I want to do, so I am blogging.
Alas, at 36 weeks pregnant my doctor decided the time had come to induce me (originally she planned for it to be 1 week later, at 37 weeks, but plans changed once the doc saw the ultrasound; they decided to induce me the following day because of the growing discrepancy in the babies' size). I think the sight of me painfully bloated (I honestly looked like someone who is morbidly obese, as in that level of swelling that looks just so uncomfortable) plus my uncontrollable crying spells were enough to convince her it was best to remove the beasts from my insides.
With my mind now completely at ease, I went to sleep that night only to be awakened one more time (as you know, I was already waking up every 15 mins or so) to go pee, but arrived to the toilet just in time for my water to break in gushes just like in the movies, except I wasn't on a date. I was so so so very happy. I waited until I had things under control, started preparing our bags and went to wake up Hairy (it was 3 am when my water broke) and we made our way to the hospital by 4:30. My registration at the hospital was a bit unpleasant and messy (they don't tell you your water could keep gushing and gushing for hours whenever you have JUST stood up from the toilet and you have to sit right back down, thank you very much!). When they examined me, I wasn't dilated at all, so they wheeled me to my delivery room and started giving me an IV drip of a hormone to trigger contractions. Let me just say, the IV being inserted was the most painful part of my labour.
The contractions grew in intensity from about 5:30 am to noon, and when I finally started to feel pain, I thought I was managing quite well. Then the back pain became unbearable and we started talking epidural. I had planned to take an epidural around 3-5 cm dilated, but they offered it to me in the middle of a horrible contraction before I was examined by a doctor, so I gladly insisted they go grab the anesthetist, stat. Once the epidural was done, I was examined and I had only dilated 1.5 cm... this could have spelled a terribly long labour. But in fact, I went through the entire rest of the labour process feeling only vague, painless sensations and was able to sleep on and off without pain for the first time in months. I was so happy. The downside was that I was hooked up to an IV, a heart rate monitor for each baby, a contraction monitor, the epidural stuff, and they kept coming to check my blood pressure since it had spiked. They had to empty my bladder for me once the epidrual was done and I had to stay lying in basically one position the whole time. But despite all of this, I was on cloud nine. I should point out though that when Hairy and I were first wheeled into the delivery room I did have another crying spell, this time out of anxiety over labour. I felt that after so many months of pain, immobility and exhaustion, I wouldn't have it in me to endure anything. Were it not for the epidural, I may not have.
So, I "laboured" until about 9 or 10 pm before reaching the golden 10-cm mark, then they wanted me to tell them when I had the urge to push. This never happened, so I asked them "what next" and they said they would just tell me when to push and I'd give my all. I asked how long this part could take and they said usually about an hour and a half. After one or two weak pushes, they told me how to do it more effectively and suddenly BAM! In 20 minutes (5 minutes apart) I had pushed out 2 babies like a champ and Hairy and I were overwhelmed with relief, joy, and this other indescribable feelingI guess is the love part :)
Rafael was born first, at just over 5 lbs, and Tomas was about 4.7 lbs. After holding each of them briefly, Hairy escorted them to the nursery for special care. Their blood sugar was low so they had to stay there for 8-9 days. After my private room stay for 3 days with Hairy, I was moved to a courtesy room and Hairy would come from morning to night and then return home. It was chaos on all counts. No sleep. Erratic eating. Crying, lots of crying. But all in all, being able to learn from the special care nurses around the clock for over a week was the best thing that could have happened to us. We came home feeling as equipped as you can for life with twins.
So about that, life with twins, here's how it goes assuming a perfect day of eating, etc. For the sake of this post I'll start at 6 am but there are really no more hours and days anymore, they all blend into one endless cycle.
6 am: baby 1 needs to be fed, so I attempt breastfeeding for 5-20 minutes. While I do this, Hairy prepares bottles (of pumped breast milk). Once baby 1 is done or falls asleep, we generally change his diaper to wake him up and then start giving him his bottle, which in all will take about 40 minutes. While he is bottle fed, I start breastfeeding baby 2, but he's not latching for more than 5-10 minutes at a time yet so we quickly move on to the bottle. They both inevitably poop or stop eating because they have gas, so the whole process combined once both are fed and changed and put back to sleep is anywhere from 60 to 90 minutes or more, and that's with two of us working together. I then pump breast milk for about 10 minutes and bottle that. We clean all bottles. So now it's about 7-7:30 am and the next feeding is 3 hours from the start of the last one, so we have to start all over at 9 am. That's 1.5 hours to either sleep, eat, clean, feed babies when they are still hungry, bathe, call people, have visitors, etc. And it goes like this 24/7 non-stop. The only exception is when we ONLY bottle feed them with no breastfeeding attempt and I do not pump (in exceptional situations when I need to hand them off so I can sleep for more than 1 hour at a time).
It is absolutely exhausting, but Hairy and I make a great team and we are madly in love with the boys.
Okay, my time is up. Both babies are crying and I am letting Hairy sleep since he let me sleep earlier this morning... gotta run
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
35 weeks pregnant with twins and maternity leave begins
Today is my first day off work completely since I am starting my mat leave early (although MUCH later than my doctor recommended--usually between weeks 20 and 30 for mothers of multiples, for preventive reasons).
I'm sorry to sound like a drag, but I still feel like arse basically all the time, however I feel like now that I know I have 3 weeks left at the very most, my attitude is shifting (ask my husband and he'd surely disagree, but inside I feel slightly more accepting of the pain/swelling). I still cry daily from frustration and fatigue, and I still bitch and moan to anyone who'll listen, but it's only because when you're pregnant you can't take any drugs or even most natural remedies, so you just have to kind of suck it up and deal, and I guess I just don't "deal" very gracefully ha!
I am typing with my right ring finger only because of carpal tunnel syndrome, but I don't have 1000 emails to answer at work anymore, so writing a few key messages a day is a nice reprieve. I am cutting back on texting and emailing and amping up my phone time instead, but anyone who knows me well knows answering the phone is one of my biggest "fears" I suppose you could call it, or maybe anxieties, rather. I am also refusing almost any visitors except the people who help take me to my doctor's appointments (I am capable of coming/going by taxi alone, but I need help getting shoes and socks on for instance). That's because, since my last post I have ballooned another 20 lbs... for a whopping total so far of 70 lbs!!! My prediction of 60 lbs is out the window thanks to major swelling in my legs.
Plus, the babies, as of last week, were estimated at 5.3 lbs and 4.7 lbs, and this week I feel they've grown, so I'm carrying anywhere from 9-12 lbs of baby plus all the other stuff. I am so thankful for the internet at times like these, since I spend my time looking up things like "35 weeks pregnant with twins + swelling or + miserable or +70 lbs gained" and I find other women (even some who gained more weight with just one baby) who have gained way more weight than is recommended, yet without having a horribly unhealthy lifestyle, and also who managed to lose all or most of it without doing much of anything (even for some who didn't breastfeed). Phew! My new prediction is 85 lbs gained by the end.
I now have to go to three appointments per week: 1 to the doctor for general/vaginal exams and tests, 1 for sizing ultrasounds and 1 for nonstress tests (a test to check that the blood flow to the babies is adequate in my case). The rest of the weeks should be spent resting, reading, watching TV, cleaning, taking baths to relieve some swelling, and so on,
Okay, I am going to stop blogging now, I had all kinds of ideas for a great post and it turned out to be just another rambling stream of consciousness, so I am cutting myself off. ha!
Have a great day everyone. Hopefully this time next week I am about to go into labour since they'll both be a great weight by then and I wouldn't have to wait the full 38 weeks!!!
I'm sorry to sound like a drag, but I still feel like arse basically all the time, however I feel like now that I know I have 3 weeks left at the very most, my attitude is shifting (ask my husband and he'd surely disagree, but inside I feel slightly more accepting of the pain/swelling). I still cry daily from frustration and fatigue, and I still bitch and moan to anyone who'll listen, but it's only because when you're pregnant you can't take any drugs or even most natural remedies, so you just have to kind of suck it up and deal, and I guess I just don't "deal" very gracefully ha!
I am typing with my right ring finger only because of carpal tunnel syndrome, but I don't have 1000 emails to answer at work anymore, so writing a few key messages a day is a nice reprieve. I am cutting back on texting and emailing and amping up my phone time instead, but anyone who knows me well knows answering the phone is one of my biggest "fears" I suppose you could call it, or maybe anxieties, rather. I am also refusing almost any visitors except the people who help take me to my doctor's appointments (I am capable of coming/going by taxi alone, but I need help getting shoes and socks on for instance). That's because, since my last post I have ballooned another 20 lbs... for a whopping total so far of 70 lbs!!! My prediction of 60 lbs is out the window thanks to major swelling in my legs.
Plus, the babies, as of last week, were estimated at 5.3 lbs and 4.7 lbs, and this week I feel they've grown, so I'm carrying anywhere from 9-12 lbs of baby plus all the other stuff. I am so thankful for the internet at times like these, since I spend my time looking up things like "35 weeks pregnant with twins + swelling or + miserable or +70 lbs gained" and I find other women (even some who gained more weight with just one baby) who have gained way more weight than is recommended, yet without having a horribly unhealthy lifestyle, and also who managed to lose all or most of it without doing much of anything (even for some who didn't breastfeed). Phew! My new prediction is 85 lbs gained by the end.
I now have to go to three appointments per week: 1 to the doctor for general/vaginal exams and tests, 1 for sizing ultrasounds and 1 for nonstress tests (a test to check that the blood flow to the babies is adequate in my case). The rest of the weeks should be spent resting, reading, watching TV, cleaning, taking baths to relieve some swelling, and so on,
Okay, I am going to stop blogging now, I had all kinds of ideas for a great post and it turned out to be just another rambling stream of consciousness, so I am cutting myself off. ha!
Have a great day everyone. Hopefully this time next week I am about to go into labour since they'll both be a great weight by then and I wouldn't have to wait the full 38 weeks!!!
Thursday, January 8, 2015
33 weeks pregnant with twins and the fantasies of expectant women
Hi there!
I hope this post will come across less negative than my last. At least that's how it SHOULD seem because I am not quite in the same state as I was back then. However, I will likely rant about some of the common complaints of pregnancy so I just hope I don't rain on the parade... Really, I had been thinking about some Facebook status the other day and instead decided to make it a blog post so I could write at will, uncensored (not true: I totally sensor myself since people I know and love read this ha!).
Just to brief you on the situation, I am now just past 32 weeks pregnant, moving into my 33rd week on Monday. So far, no signs of early labour and my husband and I both just have a gut feeling I'll end up being induced, but since most twins are born at 35.5-36 weeks, I am bracing myself for their arrival very soon. I would LOVE if they could arrive at 36-37 weeks and not any later since I just cannot take it anymore, but then again, the longer they stay in, the better it is for their lungs / long-term health.
Just to give you some perspective, at my last appointment (last week) the babies were roughly 3.7 lbs and 3.9 lbs, which means I am now carrying almost 8 lbs of baby, plus double the amniotic fluid, etc. I have gained 50 lbs so far (my weight gain has slowed down thankfully since I am less hungry these days). It's like I am carrying one big baby and about to burst, except I know I still have probably 4-6 more weeks ahead of me. I have trouble walking, sleeping, eating, breathing, etc. and all of it is considered mild/common pregnancy problems. Fortunately, I have an understanding and remarkably involved/helpful partner, and I have found solutions that work well enough to allow me to occasionally get sleep and relieve the pain.
[In hindsight, I should have created a pregnancy blog since one of the most reassuring and helpful online resources I have found has been another twin mom who has a fitness blog (http://fitformotherhood.com/32-weeks-pregnant-with-twins/). There is little information available on twins compared to "singletons" as they are called. Oddly, she and I both had cravings specifically for Subway sandwiches; her the turkey, me the cold cut combo...]
Here are the upsides of my particular pregnancy before I broach my next topic... I have no stretch marks yet, the babies are super duper strong and active and healthy, they move all the time except when I sleep, which is the most exciting part of this whole amazing process. Being able to actually carry two human beings around in a sack on my abdomen really is incredible and bizarre. Hairy is fascinated by the belly and so excited now as the birth is getting closer and closer. Even though I know countless challenges lie ahead, especially for the difficult first few months breastfeeding twins and having my parents living with us (to help out, thank god), I feel that these babies will also bring a certain calm/peacefulness every time I look in their room. Oh and I can eat almost anything I want, almost... which brings me to the topic I really wanted to address: the bizarre fantasies of a pregnant lady.
I presume all women have their own unique set of pregnancy induced fantasies, as unique as their specific blend of pregnancy symptoms. Some women may miss that glass of wine, that smoke, that this or that... Here is where my mind takes me when I am fantasizing about not being pregnant anymore: I imagine myself running, not even necessarily comfortably like when I was super fit, but just being ABLE to jog even slowly, even with some difficulty. The freedom, the fresh air, the mobility... that's what I am missing. I fantasize mostly about running, but also about beach volleyball, except I know I wont be in good enough shape for that anytime soon probably, so I try to avoid thinking about it. I can't even walk for more than a few blocks at this point.
Then, I imagine sushi dinners and smoothies. Not that I am not enjoying eating anything and everything in sight, in fact Hairy has me mostly eating a healthy vegan diet, which I supplement with lots of dark chocolate, ice cream and other random things. But I miss the clean foods that I cannot eat (or SHOULD not anyway). Sushi is the most refreshing food there is and I am counting down the days til I can have it again. I could completely have smoothies, but I actually have to keep liquids to a minimum because of gastric reflux, so I try to fill up on solid foods and just drink water.
Last but not least, I fantasize about being able to feel normal "in bed" if you know what I mean. To be comfortable, able to move, able to do things as simple as turn over to change positions without nearly being in tears from round ligament pain... a total buzzkill on the romantic front. There are many other creative ways to fulfill one's needs, but to just be able to do the regular stuff would be nice... one day, oh one day... Oh and having smaller boobs again so I can enjoy fantasy No. 1: running.
My cousin had twins. She gained less than I did but is built totally differently. In her pregnancy, she gained 40 lbs, and in her words was already about 50 lbs overweight. With 1-2 months of giving birth, she had lost 30 lbs already, and with Weight Watchers managed to lose another 25 lbs so far. She would like to lose another 25 or 30 I think... If I apply that roughly to my situation, well I started at 153 lbs at my wedding and looked good and felt just slightly overweight (I would LOVE to be about 140 lbs again in an ideal world). I am now 204 lbs and probably going to gain another 5-10 lbs before giving birth. So... if I end up about 210-215 lbs, and lose 30 lbs in the first few months from breastfeeding and giving birth, that leaves me with 35 lbs to lose to get to 140, or 20 lbs approx. to get to my pre-pregnancy weight. I would not be rushing into that since I will probably be exhausted the first year at least, BUT it means I should feel light enough to at least jog by summertime... I hope. eeeee. I am looking forward to two things: my babies' arrival and THAT day when I can go outside for a long walk in the fresh air or for a jog.
On that uplifting note, I bid you a happy new year and I will keep you posted when the babies are born. Here's to you and your own challenges!
***I totally forgot to mention I started working from home after a little bit of an exhaustion meltdown in December. Since then, everything is MUCH more manageable (drastically reduced workload as well) and I am now only having random outbursts of crying because of round ligament pain rather than because of everything and every day. yay!***
***Also, as I read the rants of other twin moms at a similar stage of pregnancy discomfort, many of them keep saying "I'm a skinny person and just cannot deal with this." (They say this implying that it's perhaps more uncomfortable for them because they're not used to being stretched out so big). I would just like to add that having been a fat person, as well as a very fit person before, being THIS pregnant and pregnancy in general is nothing like being overweight. I imagine it could be similar to being very obese to the point of being physically limited, but the way your weight is carried and the hormonal changes are nothing like just being a fat person. Being pregnant loosens your joints, causes all kinds of pains (carpal tunnel, round ligament, sciatica), puts excessive strain on particular parts of your body (back, ribs, hips) and throws off your balance in every sense of the word (emotional and physiological). Being fat, in my experience, feels ALMOST the same as being thin. The difference is only in your level of fitness, not thinness, since even when you are fat your skin stretches out like crazy for pregnancy. Just wanted to add that piece of information to perhaps make some skinnier moms understand that pregnancy hurts whether or not you were previously small or large and that pregnancy weight gain is nothing like regular weight gain.***
I hope this post will come across less negative than my last. At least that's how it SHOULD seem because I am not quite in the same state as I was back then. However, I will likely rant about some of the common complaints of pregnancy so I just hope I don't rain on the parade... Really, I had been thinking about some Facebook status the other day and instead decided to make it a blog post so I could write at will, uncensored (not true: I totally sensor myself since people I know and love read this ha!).
Just to brief you on the situation, I am now just past 32 weeks pregnant, moving into my 33rd week on Monday. So far, no signs of early labour and my husband and I both just have a gut feeling I'll end up being induced, but since most twins are born at 35.5-36 weeks, I am bracing myself for their arrival very soon. I would LOVE if they could arrive at 36-37 weeks and not any later since I just cannot take it anymore, but then again, the longer they stay in, the better it is for their lungs / long-term health.
Just to give you some perspective, at my last appointment (last week) the babies were roughly 3.7 lbs and 3.9 lbs, which means I am now carrying almost 8 lbs of baby, plus double the amniotic fluid, etc. I have gained 50 lbs so far (my weight gain has slowed down thankfully since I am less hungry these days). It's like I am carrying one big baby and about to burst, except I know I still have probably 4-6 more weeks ahead of me. I have trouble walking, sleeping, eating, breathing, etc. and all of it is considered mild/common pregnancy problems. Fortunately, I have an understanding and remarkably involved/helpful partner, and I have found solutions that work well enough to allow me to occasionally get sleep and relieve the pain.
[In hindsight, I should have created a pregnancy blog since one of the most reassuring and helpful online resources I have found has been another twin mom who has a fitness blog (http://fitformotherhood.com/32-weeks-pregnant-with-twins/). There is little information available on twins compared to "singletons" as they are called. Oddly, she and I both had cravings specifically for Subway sandwiches; her the turkey, me the cold cut combo...]
Here are the upsides of my particular pregnancy before I broach my next topic... I have no stretch marks yet, the babies are super duper strong and active and healthy, they move all the time except when I sleep, which is the most exciting part of this whole amazing process. Being able to actually carry two human beings around in a sack on my abdomen really is incredible and bizarre. Hairy is fascinated by the belly and so excited now as the birth is getting closer and closer. Even though I know countless challenges lie ahead, especially for the difficult first few months breastfeeding twins and having my parents living with us (to help out, thank god), I feel that these babies will also bring a certain calm/peacefulness every time I look in their room. Oh and I can eat almost anything I want, almost... which brings me to the topic I really wanted to address: the bizarre fantasies of a pregnant lady.
I presume all women have their own unique set of pregnancy induced fantasies, as unique as their specific blend of pregnancy symptoms. Some women may miss that glass of wine, that smoke, that this or that... Here is where my mind takes me when I am fantasizing about not being pregnant anymore: I imagine myself running, not even necessarily comfortably like when I was super fit, but just being ABLE to jog even slowly, even with some difficulty. The freedom, the fresh air, the mobility... that's what I am missing. I fantasize mostly about running, but also about beach volleyball, except I know I wont be in good enough shape for that anytime soon probably, so I try to avoid thinking about it. I can't even walk for more than a few blocks at this point.
Then, I imagine sushi dinners and smoothies. Not that I am not enjoying eating anything and everything in sight, in fact Hairy has me mostly eating a healthy vegan diet, which I supplement with lots of dark chocolate, ice cream and other random things. But I miss the clean foods that I cannot eat (or SHOULD not anyway). Sushi is the most refreshing food there is and I am counting down the days til I can have it again. I could completely have smoothies, but I actually have to keep liquids to a minimum because of gastric reflux, so I try to fill up on solid foods and just drink water.
Last but not least, I fantasize about being able to feel normal "in bed" if you know what I mean. To be comfortable, able to move, able to do things as simple as turn over to change positions without nearly being in tears from round ligament pain... a total buzzkill on the romantic front. There are many other creative ways to fulfill one's needs, but to just be able to do the regular stuff would be nice... one day, oh one day... Oh and having smaller boobs again so I can enjoy fantasy No. 1: running.
My cousin had twins. She gained less than I did but is built totally differently. In her pregnancy, she gained 40 lbs, and in her words was already about 50 lbs overweight. With 1-2 months of giving birth, she had lost 30 lbs already, and with Weight Watchers managed to lose another 25 lbs so far. She would like to lose another 25 or 30 I think... If I apply that roughly to my situation, well I started at 153 lbs at my wedding and looked good and felt just slightly overweight (I would LOVE to be about 140 lbs again in an ideal world). I am now 204 lbs and probably going to gain another 5-10 lbs before giving birth. So... if I end up about 210-215 lbs, and lose 30 lbs in the first few months from breastfeeding and giving birth, that leaves me with 35 lbs to lose to get to 140, or 20 lbs approx. to get to my pre-pregnancy weight. I would not be rushing into that since I will probably be exhausted the first year at least, BUT it means I should feel light enough to at least jog by summertime... I hope. eeeee. I am looking forward to two things: my babies' arrival and THAT day when I can go outside for a long walk in the fresh air or for a jog.
On that uplifting note, I bid you a happy new year and I will keep you posted when the babies are born. Here's to you and your own challenges!
***I totally forgot to mention I started working from home after a little bit of an exhaustion meltdown in December. Since then, everything is MUCH more manageable (drastically reduced workload as well) and I am now only having random outbursts of crying because of round ligament pain rather than because of everything and every day. yay!***
***Also, as I read the rants of other twin moms at a similar stage of pregnancy discomfort, many of them keep saying "I'm a skinny person and just cannot deal with this." (They say this implying that it's perhaps more uncomfortable for them because they're not used to being stretched out so big). I would just like to add that having been a fat person, as well as a very fit person before, being THIS pregnant and pregnancy in general is nothing like being overweight. I imagine it could be similar to being very obese to the point of being physically limited, but the way your weight is carried and the hormonal changes are nothing like just being a fat person. Being pregnant loosens your joints, causes all kinds of pains (carpal tunnel, round ligament, sciatica), puts excessive strain on particular parts of your body (back, ribs, hips) and throws off your balance in every sense of the word (emotional and physiological). Being fat, in my experience, feels ALMOST the same as being thin. The difference is only in your level of fitness, not thinness, since even when you are fat your skin stretches out like crazy for pregnancy. Just wanted to add that piece of information to perhaps make some skinnier moms understand that pregnancy hurts whether or not you were previously small or large and that pregnancy weight gain is nothing like regular weight gain.***
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