So I thought I would share some myths and/or misconceptions that are rampant surrounding pregnancy and childbirth (women who plan on having kids one day take note).
1. You will not give a s--- that you don't have your period. Why? Because you are most likely replacing that with 10 or more other pregnancy symptoms like morning sickness, dizzy spells, acid reflux, ligament pains, mood swings and hemorrhoids. Of course SOME women at least love pregnancy at some point in the process, but there's a good chance a lot of it will suck. Also, whether you have a vaginal or caesarean delivery, things will get ugly, messy and painful for at least a few weeks afterward, in worse ways than any period. The good news is that you will probably not mind your period as much when it returns.
2. Breastfeeding does NOT make everyone lose weight. Like every single other aspect of pregnancy, you cannot generalize because everything just "depends". I am breastfeeding twins and have not lost a pound in 4 months. I have been eating a lot but gradually started eating well and very recently started exercising and I am losing weight at the same rate as pre-pregnancy.
3. You will probably either LOVE your body and/or HATE it during the pregnancy and you'll probably be panicking about "destroying your body". Know this: you cannot prevent stretch marks with cream; it is mostly genetic. And your body will most likely not look half as bad as you thought it would since it truly is a magical vessel. But also, you will probably care a lot less and be more forgiving of your "flaws" because of how you got them and what they represent. Also, the uncompromising love you suddenly feel for your child may rub off on how you see yourself. And a tip: don't be like all these new moms who are super stressed about getting back to pre-pregnancy weight in the first year; just give yourself a goddamn break, focus on being present for your family and then ease back into being active when it feels good. Do it for the energy, not for the fat loss.
5. Yes,you should probably exercise and watch your weight while pregnant but, like me, your hormones may take over your whole being and make that impossible and that is okay too. Don't listen to anyone but your doctor.
6. Fuck average. "They" say so many things about the average pregnancy, but every one I know had a different experience. I gained 85 lbs when the average for a twin pregnancy is about 35 or 40. I lost 55 of it within 2 weeks, then another 5. This means I have 25 more to go. BUT, my big ol' breastfeeding knockers weigh nearly 10 pounds so that means I essentially have the same 15 lbs to lose that the "average" woman is left with. Booyah. I am six months in and just now have the time and energy to start getting more active. I tried earlier and it just made me angry, so I just waited.
7. Some new moms have a super hard time, some have less of a hard time. If you are finding it impossible, you NEED to reach out and not feel bad and don't expect people to do anything: you have to tell people what you need.
8. A whole lot of people have miscarriages or have trouble conceiving and don't ever talk openly about it, so people don't realize they're not alone in grieving the loss or coping with that stress. If you ever get pregnant you will probably then understand why some people cannot just "get over" a miscarriage that quickly. As soon as you are pregnant you have hopes, expectations, dreams. You then live in a semi constant fear of anything going wrong with the pregnancy, and a lot of times the worst does happen. It is horrible. But I imagine you will survive and get through it. I have seen people I love do it and go on to have wonderful healthy kids after.
9. Nothing will be quite how you imagined. Whether you imagined it being easy or total chaos, both will probably be true. All the theories you have about the kind of parent you think you will be go out the window and you just start being whoever it is you already are but more so. Parenting may bring out the worst in you or the best. I thought pregnancy would be the easy part and delivery the hard part and it was just the opposite. I LOVED my delivery experience. Breastfeeding was really hard. Everything after delivery was really hard and so amazing too. But eventually things g9t great at about 4 months. For other people pregnancy is awesome and then the first few years hell. You could end up with twins or triplets, you could end up with a sick child, you could end up with one child who is great and then turns into a monster. Throw your expectations out the window because almost everything will probably work out in the end.
10. People project all their crap onto their own and other people's kids. SO many people have told me that if I were pregnant with a boy and a girl (rather than my identical twin boys) then I would be "done". As if a boy/girl combo os some ideal. Well fuck that. First of all, whatever you give birth to will probably be awesome in your eyes. Secondly, there is no perfect formula for a family. You could have two dads, one mom, 6 kids, all girls, two gay sons, one transgendered daughter, one boy or girl who acts more like the other gender. Stop making everything so boring and obvious. I ended up with twins and had wanted 2 kids (depending how we did with 1). Now I am even open to the possibility of more, but I may also just tell myself no because you cannot expect your next child to be anything like the first.
11. For me, the love I feel for my boys is soft and subtle and tender. I am not this Lioness mom I thought I would be. I don't feel overwhelmed but I feel at peace and full of love. I feel deeply appreciative of the fact we were lucky enough to get pregnant so easily and to have two easy boys. I feel more open and less judgemental and more empathetic. I feel FAR more cautious though. I take NO risks because I could never forgive myself if that one time I didn't do this or that hurt my boys in any way. You may not even feel any attachment to your baby when they are first born. Don't be ashamed, just speak to someone about it. It could just take you a while or you may be depressed and not think you are. You are not a terrible mom. Hormones control everything. Every. Single. Thing.
Good luck.
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