A lot of catching up to do

Hello! Brace yourselves for a long post. I will break it down into parts so it isn't so overwhelming.

Part I: Updates since my last post

K so I just logged out and logged back in and lost a huge paragraph. See one of the later sections re: my curse.

So basically I was saying that after my low phase described in my last post, I have been doing extremely well minus a bout of stomach flu coinciding with both babies having bronchitis and teething. The reason for my wellness was that I had returned to workout with a ton of willpower and dedication, and started to feel strong and great about myself. I am currently having a minor setback which I chalk up to hormone changes caused by changes in breastfeeding lately. But I am trying to make the most now of my last few weeks of maternity leave, before my life suddenly becomes a lot more chaotic.

Part II: Oddities of being a parent

There are things parents say that don't make any sense to childless people or at least to people who have not had close contact with babies over lengthy periods. I wanted to share why some of those things now make sense to me.

1. The expression of age/pregnancy in weeks and months: I still find it ridiculous to say one's child is, for example, 24 months old. I mean come on people just say 2 years so everyone doesn't have to think so hard. But I do finally get why people express themselves this way. When you are pregnant, each week is a time when some little important thing happens. And having had preemie babies, each week near the end is so crucial. People who deal with babies know what it means when I say mine were born at 36 weeks. It means preemie. It means probable hospitalization. Potential complications with lungs, digestion, development and growth. It means waiting a little longer for each milestone.

When people used to say to me "My kid is 16 months old," I would hear "E = the square root of pi x 187,031.315688". But now I know that each month represents changes in behaviour, sleep, size, eating habits. And especially in the first year, those milestones are mostly the glimmer at the end of a long, sleep-deprived tunnel. Hope for a healthy, well-rounded child who starts sleeping and eating well and predictably. Kids under age 3 go through so many crucial changes in such a short timespan that parents use months to express their age since certain months represent certain expected milestones.

Poop. Snot. The whole lot. It all seems disgusting when it is someone else's kid. And people say that when it is your own kid it's different. I didn't believe them. I was wrong. That is not to say there aren't some things that are just gross no matter how you slice it, but since they were born I inherently see my babies as a part of.my own body. Therefore, their bodily fluids are like my own. And so they seem.cleaner or safer or purer. But that said, as they age and eat foods other than breastmilk, this is becoming less and less the case. They are growing apart from my body, no longer entirely dependent on my body for sustenance. They are their own people.now and could easily survive without my milk and without my blood and bones. Anyway, it all makes sense now. Oh and so does the difference between an infant, newborn, toddler, child, etc. And between play yards, playpens, bouncy chairs, swings, exersaucers, bassinets, cribs, carseats, bumbos, highchairs and all the other vessels for restraining babies.

Part III: The NOW

I am headed back to work in 3 weeks roughly. Ugh. I truly don't mind the idea of getting back to my job, but the idea of having to do mothering AND working full time is scary. I had never really stopped working for longer than a month or two since the age of about 15, and this year was an exquisite break from my compulsive overworking. I am much, much better in the last 5 years or so at saying NO, but I still manage to fill every waking moment with something. I finally learned to enjoy the time off in the last few months as my kids started daycare and I figured out how to just be.

I was going to write about my being cursed when it comes to material things and especially clothes, jewelry and technology, but my phone battery is dying ( I used my phone because said curse prevented me from using the laptop). So if this is my last post for a long time, I wish you all a great 2016 and look forward to our next virtual encounter.