Today is my first day off work completely since I am starting my mat leave early (although MUCH later than my doctor recommended--usually between weeks 20 and 30 for mothers of multiples, for preventive reasons).
I'm sorry to sound like a drag, but I still feel like arse basically all the time, however I feel like now that I know I have 3 weeks left at the very most, my attitude is shifting (ask my husband and he'd surely disagree, but inside I feel slightly more accepting of the pain/swelling). I still cry daily from frustration and fatigue, and I still bitch and moan to anyone who'll listen, but it's only because when you're pregnant you can't take any drugs or even most natural remedies, so you just have to kind of suck it up and deal, and I guess I just don't "deal" very gracefully ha!
I am typing with my right ring finger only because of carpal tunnel syndrome, but I don't have 1000 emails to answer at work anymore, so writing a few key messages a day is a nice reprieve. I am cutting back on texting and emailing and amping up my phone time instead, but anyone who knows me well knows answering the phone is one of my biggest "fears" I suppose you could call it, or maybe anxieties, rather. I am also refusing almost any visitors except the people who help take me to my doctor's appointments (I am capable of coming/going by taxi alone, but I need help getting shoes and socks on for instance). That's because, since my last post I have ballooned another 20 lbs... for a whopping total so far of 70 lbs!!! My prediction of 60 lbs is out the window thanks to major swelling in my legs.
Plus, the babies, as of last week, were estimated at 5.3 lbs and 4.7 lbs, and this week I feel they've grown, so I'm carrying anywhere from 9-12 lbs of baby plus all the other stuff. I am so thankful for the internet at times like these, since I spend my time looking up things like "35 weeks pregnant with twins + swelling or + miserable or +70 lbs gained" and I find other women (even some who gained more weight with just one baby) who have gained way more weight than is recommended, yet without having a horribly unhealthy lifestyle, and also who managed to lose all or most of it without doing much of anything (even for some who didn't breastfeed). Phew! My new prediction is 85 lbs gained by the end.
I now have to go to three appointments per week: 1 to the doctor for general/vaginal exams and tests, 1 for sizing ultrasounds and 1 for nonstress tests (a test to check that the blood flow to the babies is adequate in my case). The rest of the weeks should be spent resting, reading, watching TV, cleaning, taking baths to relieve some swelling, and so on,
Okay, I am going to stop blogging now, I had all kinds of ideas for a great post and it turned out to be just another rambling stream of consciousness, so I am cutting myself off. ha!
Have a great day everyone. Hopefully this time next week I am about to go into labour since they'll both be a great weight by then and I wouldn't have to wait the full 38 weeks!!!
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Thursday, January 8, 2015
33 weeks pregnant with twins and the fantasies of expectant women
Hi there!
I hope this post will come across less negative than my last. At least that's how it SHOULD seem because I am not quite in the same state as I was back then. However, I will likely rant about some of the common complaints of pregnancy so I just hope I don't rain on the parade... Really, I had been thinking about some Facebook status the other day and instead decided to make it a blog post so I could write at will, uncensored (not true: I totally sensor myself since people I know and love read this ha!).
Just to brief you on the situation, I am now just past 32 weeks pregnant, moving into my 33rd week on Monday. So far, no signs of early labour and my husband and I both just have a gut feeling I'll end up being induced, but since most twins are born at 35.5-36 weeks, I am bracing myself for their arrival very soon. I would LOVE if they could arrive at 36-37 weeks and not any later since I just cannot take it anymore, but then again, the longer they stay in, the better it is for their lungs / long-term health.
Just to give you some perspective, at my last appointment (last week) the babies were roughly 3.7 lbs and 3.9 lbs, which means I am now carrying almost 8 lbs of baby, plus double the amniotic fluid, etc. I have gained 50 lbs so far (my weight gain has slowed down thankfully since I am less hungry these days). It's like I am carrying one big baby and about to burst, except I know I still have probably 4-6 more weeks ahead of me. I have trouble walking, sleeping, eating, breathing, etc. and all of it is considered mild/common pregnancy problems. Fortunately, I have an understanding and remarkably involved/helpful partner, and I have found solutions that work well enough to allow me to occasionally get sleep and relieve the pain.
[In hindsight, I should have created a pregnancy blog since one of the most reassuring and helpful online resources I have found has been another twin mom who has a fitness blog (http://fitformotherhood.com/32-weeks-pregnant-with-twins/). There is little information available on twins compared to "singletons" as they are called. Oddly, she and I both had cravings specifically for Subway sandwiches; her the turkey, me the cold cut combo...]
Here are the upsides of my particular pregnancy before I broach my next topic... I have no stretch marks yet, the babies are super duper strong and active and healthy, they move all the time except when I sleep, which is the most exciting part of this whole amazing process. Being able to actually carry two human beings around in a sack on my abdomen really is incredible and bizarre. Hairy is fascinated by the belly and so excited now as the birth is getting closer and closer. Even though I know countless challenges lie ahead, especially for the difficult first few months breastfeeding twins and having my parents living with us (to help out, thank god), I feel that these babies will also bring a certain calm/peacefulness every time I look in their room. Oh and I can eat almost anything I want, almost... which brings me to the topic I really wanted to address: the bizarre fantasies of a pregnant lady.
I presume all women have their own unique set of pregnancy induced fantasies, as unique as their specific blend of pregnancy symptoms. Some women may miss that glass of wine, that smoke, that this or that... Here is where my mind takes me when I am fantasizing about not being pregnant anymore: I imagine myself running, not even necessarily comfortably like when I was super fit, but just being ABLE to jog even slowly, even with some difficulty. The freedom, the fresh air, the mobility... that's what I am missing. I fantasize mostly about running, but also about beach volleyball, except I know I wont be in good enough shape for that anytime soon probably, so I try to avoid thinking about it. I can't even walk for more than a few blocks at this point.
Then, I imagine sushi dinners and smoothies. Not that I am not enjoying eating anything and everything in sight, in fact Hairy has me mostly eating a healthy vegan diet, which I supplement with lots of dark chocolate, ice cream and other random things. But I miss the clean foods that I cannot eat (or SHOULD not anyway). Sushi is the most refreshing food there is and I am counting down the days til I can have it again. I could completely have smoothies, but I actually have to keep liquids to a minimum because of gastric reflux, so I try to fill up on solid foods and just drink water.
Last but not least, I fantasize about being able to feel normal "in bed" if you know what I mean. To be comfortable, able to move, able to do things as simple as turn over to change positions without nearly being in tears from round ligament pain... a total buzzkill on the romantic front. There are many other creative ways to fulfill one's needs, but to just be able to do the regular stuff would be nice... one day, oh one day... Oh and having smaller boobs again so I can enjoy fantasy No. 1: running.
My cousin had twins. She gained less than I did but is built totally differently. In her pregnancy, she gained 40 lbs, and in her words was already about 50 lbs overweight. With 1-2 months of giving birth, she had lost 30 lbs already, and with Weight Watchers managed to lose another 25 lbs so far. She would like to lose another 25 or 30 I think... If I apply that roughly to my situation, well I started at 153 lbs at my wedding and looked good and felt just slightly overweight (I would LOVE to be about 140 lbs again in an ideal world). I am now 204 lbs and probably going to gain another 5-10 lbs before giving birth. So... if I end up about 210-215 lbs, and lose 30 lbs in the first few months from breastfeeding and giving birth, that leaves me with 35 lbs to lose to get to 140, or 20 lbs approx. to get to my pre-pregnancy weight. I would not be rushing into that since I will probably be exhausted the first year at least, BUT it means I should feel light enough to at least jog by summertime... I hope. eeeee. I am looking forward to two things: my babies' arrival and THAT day when I can go outside for a long walk in the fresh air or for a jog.
On that uplifting note, I bid you a happy new year and I will keep you posted when the babies are born. Here's to you and your own challenges!
***I totally forgot to mention I started working from home after a little bit of an exhaustion meltdown in December. Since then, everything is MUCH more manageable (drastically reduced workload as well) and I am now only having random outbursts of crying because of round ligament pain rather than because of everything and every day. yay!***
***Also, as I read the rants of other twin moms at a similar stage of pregnancy discomfort, many of them keep saying "I'm a skinny person and just cannot deal with this." (They say this implying that it's perhaps more uncomfortable for them because they're not used to being stretched out so big). I would just like to add that having been a fat person, as well as a very fit person before, being THIS pregnant and pregnancy in general is nothing like being overweight. I imagine it could be similar to being very obese to the point of being physically limited, but the way your weight is carried and the hormonal changes are nothing like just being a fat person. Being pregnant loosens your joints, causes all kinds of pains (carpal tunnel, round ligament, sciatica), puts excessive strain on particular parts of your body (back, ribs, hips) and throws off your balance in every sense of the word (emotional and physiological). Being fat, in my experience, feels ALMOST the same as being thin. The difference is only in your level of fitness, not thinness, since even when you are fat your skin stretches out like crazy for pregnancy. Just wanted to add that piece of information to perhaps make some skinnier moms understand that pregnancy hurts whether or not you were previously small or large and that pregnancy weight gain is nothing like regular weight gain.***
I hope this post will come across less negative than my last. At least that's how it SHOULD seem because I am not quite in the same state as I was back then. However, I will likely rant about some of the common complaints of pregnancy so I just hope I don't rain on the parade... Really, I had been thinking about some Facebook status the other day and instead decided to make it a blog post so I could write at will, uncensored (not true: I totally sensor myself since people I know and love read this ha!).
Just to brief you on the situation, I am now just past 32 weeks pregnant, moving into my 33rd week on Monday. So far, no signs of early labour and my husband and I both just have a gut feeling I'll end up being induced, but since most twins are born at 35.5-36 weeks, I am bracing myself for their arrival very soon. I would LOVE if they could arrive at 36-37 weeks and not any later since I just cannot take it anymore, but then again, the longer they stay in, the better it is for their lungs / long-term health.
Just to give you some perspective, at my last appointment (last week) the babies were roughly 3.7 lbs and 3.9 lbs, which means I am now carrying almost 8 lbs of baby, plus double the amniotic fluid, etc. I have gained 50 lbs so far (my weight gain has slowed down thankfully since I am less hungry these days). It's like I am carrying one big baby and about to burst, except I know I still have probably 4-6 more weeks ahead of me. I have trouble walking, sleeping, eating, breathing, etc. and all of it is considered mild/common pregnancy problems. Fortunately, I have an understanding and remarkably involved/helpful partner, and I have found solutions that work well enough to allow me to occasionally get sleep and relieve the pain.
[In hindsight, I should have created a pregnancy blog since one of the most reassuring and helpful online resources I have found has been another twin mom who has a fitness blog (http://fitformotherhood.com/32-weeks-pregnant-with-twins/). There is little information available on twins compared to "singletons" as they are called. Oddly, she and I both had cravings specifically for Subway sandwiches; her the turkey, me the cold cut combo...]
Here are the upsides of my particular pregnancy before I broach my next topic... I have no stretch marks yet, the babies are super duper strong and active and healthy, they move all the time except when I sleep, which is the most exciting part of this whole amazing process. Being able to actually carry two human beings around in a sack on my abdomen really is incredible and bizarre. Hairy is fascinated by the belly and so excited now as the birth is getting closer and closer. Even though I know countless challenges lie ahead, especially for the difficult first few months breastfeeding twins and having my parents living with us (to help out, thank god), I feel that these babies will also bring a certain calm/peacefulness every time I look in their room. Oh and I can eat almost anything I want, almost... which brings me to the topic I really wanted to address: the bizarre fantasies of a pregnant lady.
I presume all women have their own unique set of pregnancy induced fantasies, as unique as their specific blend of pregnancy symptoms. Some women may miss that glass of wine, that smoke, that this or that... Here is where my mind takes me when I am fantasizing about not being pregnant anymore: I imagine myself running, not even necessarily comfortably like when I was super fit, but just being ABLE to jog even slowly, even with some difficulty. The freedom, the fresh air, the mobility... that's what I am missing. I fantasize mostly about running, but also about beach volleyball, except I know I wont be in good enough shape for that anytime soon probably, so I try to avoid thinking about it. I can't even walk for more than a few blocks at this point.
Then, I imagine sushi dinners and smoothies. Not that I am not enjoying eating anything and everything in sight, in fact Hairy has me mostly eating a healthy vegan diet, which I supplement with lots of dark chocolate, ice cream and other random things. But I miss the clean foods that I cannot eat (or SHOULD not anyway). Sushi is the most refreshing food there is and I am counting down the days til I can have it again. I could completely have smoothies, but I actually have to keep liquids to a minimum because of gastric reflux, so I try to fill up on solid foods and just drink water.
Last but not least, I fantasize about being able to feel normal "in bed" if you know what I mean. To be comfortable, able to move, able to do things as simple as turn over to change positions without nearly being in tears from round ligament pain... a total buzzkill on the romantic front. There are many other creative ways to fulfill one's needs, but to just be able to do the regular stuff would be nice... one day, oh one day... Oh and having smaller boobs again so I can enjoy fantasy No. 1: running.
My cousin had twins. She gained less than I did but is built totally differently. In her pregnancy, she gained 40 lbs, and in her words was already about 50 lbs overweight. With 1-2 months of giving birth, she had lost 30 lbs already, and with Weight Watchers managed to lose another 25 lbs so far. She would like to lose another 25 or 30 I think... If I apply that roughly to my situation, well I started at 153 lbs at my wedding and looked good and felt just slightly overweight (I would LOVE to be about 140 lbs again in an ideal world). I am now 204 lbs and probably going to gain another 5-10 lbs before giving birth. So... if I end up about 210-215 lbs, and lose 30 lbs in the first few months from breastfeeding and giving birth, that leaves me with 35 lbs to lose to get to 140, or 20 lbs approx. to get to my pre-pregnancy weight. I would not be rushing into that since I will probably be exhausted the first year at least, BUT it means I should feel light enough to at least jog by summertime... I hope. eeeee. I am looking forward to two things: my babies' arrival and THAT day when I can go outside for a long walk in the fresh air or for a jog.
On that uplifting note, I bid you a happy new year and I will keep you posted when the babies are born. Here's to you and your own challenges!
***I totally forgot to mention I started working from home after a little bit of an exhaustion meltdown in December. Since then, everything is MUCH more manageable (drastically reduced workload as well) and I am now only having random outbursts of crying because of round ligament pain rather than because of everything and every day. yay!***
***Also, as I read the rants of other twin moms at a similar stage of pregnancy discomfort, many of them keep saying "I'm a skinny person and just cannot deal with this." (They say this implying that it's perhaps more uncomfortable for them because they're not used to being stretched out so big). I would just like to add that having been a fat person, as well as a very fit person before, being THIS pregnant and pregnancy in general is nothing like being overweight. I imagine it could be similar to being very obese to the point of being physically limited, but the way your weight is carried and the hormonal changes are nothing like just being a fat person. Being pregnant loosens your joints, causes all kinds of pains (carpal tunnel, round ligament, sciatica), puts excessive strain on particular parts of your body (back, ribs, hips) and throws off your balance in every sense of the word (emotional and physiological). Being fat, in my experience, feels ALMOST the same as being thin. The difference is only in your level of fitness, not thinness, since even when you are fat your skin stretches out like crazy for pregnancy. Just wanted to add that piece of information to perhaps make some skinnier moms understand that pregnancy hurts whether or not you were previously small or large and that pregnancy weight gain is nothing like regular weight gain.***
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