Yesterday I managed to do my old favourite lunch walk, up a really steep hill and back down. It did me a world of good, as did chatting on the phone with a great friend, which put me extra out-of-breath. These walks really make the day go by much more calmly.
I also had the energy for Portuguese class. Last week I ditched because a sudden bout of the blues hit me. As I explained, I've been dealing with some tough moments on and off, and have often been choosing to spend all my time in bed watching stuff on Netflix, because it's the only thing that requires nothing of me but staying awake, and is an effective distraction.
This is coming from someone who had all but stopped watching TV completely for the last few years, apart from movies and the occasional series. I just usually feel that if you turn on the TV for even 30 minutes, those are 30 minutes your brain could have actually been relaxing with quiet time, music, a conversation with a friend, catching up on emails, blogging, reading, exercising... or just NOT having that feeling like your schedule is so tight. I love a good TV show (and lord knows I probably spent 2/3 of my youth 19 watching TV), but the advertising gets to me as do the messages that get across. Despite being AWARE of the fact the messages we get from the media are unrealistic, it still has a big influence on what I perceive as normal to look like, how people age, how people's homes look, and the list goes on... For me, it's undue pressure. For others, they may not ever notice and live happy lives.
Okay, back to the point though: I am watching a lot of TV and not playing sports, and the combination has completely halted my energy momentum.
Momentum is absolutely key to motivation. To stick to something, you have to keep doing it. May sound redundant but it's true.
I went to the gym again today and had a very good workout. I did 30 minutes of treadmill, in a fairly passionate run, and then pull-ups, jumping squats, sideways leg lifts and stretching. I feel good since yesterday. I never know if that will continue but I don't really care. I am so relieved for me and for Hairy that I'm doing better right now.
Speaking of which, I told you I was taking baby steps to get help: well today, after years of putting it off, I finally got myself and my man on a list to get a family doctor. Soon a nurse will call us to assess our state of health, because the list is by health priority and not first-come, first-served. I hope they will agree that my need to consult someone for anxiety/depression is actually urgent-ish and does not constitute an emergency (since for serious stuff they say just go to Emergency). It could take years to get a doctor, but at least at some point I may have one.
I'll see what they say when they call, and depending how long it will take I may seek more immediate remedies.
By the way, the Evening Primrose Oil, so far, appears to be doing nothing (though I'll really know after my next T.O.M.), except it makes me sleep very soundly, without any feelings as though I took sleeping pills at all. I don't even know if they're intended to help with sleep, but they really do in my case.
To wrap this up, I went to buy my lunch today at a place that's far enough to count as a lunchtime walk, there and back. It was a tomato/basil pizza that is fairly light. I just are two organic eggs (there is a slight and enjoyable difference compared to regular eggs), and a spinach salad with cucumber and tomato, olive oil, salt, pepper, squeeze of lemon and a dash of balsamic. I will keep myself some room for a decaf espresso and a little sweet treat. Gotta go.
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