A strange wagon have I

One which allows me to be both off and on at the same time.

So, I was about to write about how I've fallen off the proverbial wagooon once again before I realized that is totally untrue, sort of. The only thing I can tap myself on the wrist for is eating refined sugars and not making meals at home. Otherwise, I am doign really well.

I didn't buy groceries, so I ate out all week, but 95% of the food I ate was not bad for me. I drank a few more Diet Cokes than I would have liked, and ate a couple of desserts this weekend that aren't great for my insides, but I am careful about all of my choices, even the bad ones.

Otherwise, I worked out as if I am still in "challenge" mode: volleyball 3 nights, running, two hard gym workouts, walking, etc...not to mention my favourite pastime with a certain Noodle of mine... which totally counts for burned calories!!

So the scale is hovering between 137 and 139, and more like 141 on weekends, but I am becoming very fit. I actually feel as though I'm still not eating enough, but it will be better when I am motivated to cook. Being at my apartment is a little depressing these days (soon I'll be able to decorate, but for now it looks pretty much like I've just moved in) so I haven't really stuck to cooking since I moved here. Not for more than a few weeks at least.

My emotional life is stable and wonderful. Medical literature has found, in recent years, that when you get depressed you create new "pathways" in your brain that leave you more and more likely to relapse into depression. I am trying a personal experiment whereby I try to form "happy" pathways when I think of difficult/bad things, to try my hardest to undo damage from previous bouts of depression. My depression last year was so severe for so long that I have quite literally been unable to feel totally stable since, even though everything is amazing. By unstable I mean that even the SMALLEST glitch in my happy little life throws me into a disproportionately low mood.

So, on the assumption that it is possible to create pathways with repeated, ongoing stress and depression, it should naturally follow that you can, too, create new pathways with long stretches of extreme happiness and contentment, and by channeling any negative energy/thoughts toward a happier alternative such as sports, love, friends, etc.

This is akin to the theory behind Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (in my limited knowledge of the subject), and the oft-cited "mind over matter" approach. In my case, I am trying to use my mind to redecorate my grey matter by associating happier thoughts and patterns when faced with challenging, emotionally distressing situations.

Okay, enough of my own personal quack-psychobabble. Have a great Sunday afternoon, and I hope you all add a little happy to your day today!

(p.s. here's a hint if you feel you're never happy: say thanks every single day for the truly important things in your life... appreciation is the key to true happiness, at least I think so.)