oops

I shouldn't title my posts until after they're done. My last post, called "Advertorial" such and such, was, in part, meant to cover the subject of flossing.

Essentially, I want to say how important flossing is, and I rarely adervtise any brand, but I strongly recommend anyone who hates flossing to start using the waxless flosses that are growing in popularity, since they are less likely to make your gums bleed. And if your excuse for not flossing is that your gums bleed, well that passes after just a few times of flossing. But you should also use extra-soft toothbrushes...

I know this seems random, but frankly, most people don't floss, and oral health has strong ties to overall health, and a strong correlation with pancreatic cancer and other serious illnesses. Not only that, no one might be telling you that you have horrible horrible breath, and flossing can save you from this.

Maybe one day I'll write more articulately about this, but for now I am just rushing to get this point across since I forgot in my other post. Gotta run! Get flossing!

advertorial, and my own little version of happy.

You may have a hard time following my moods, but hey, take it or leave it! I am in a calm but happy mood today. After weeks and months of socializing, I had some prized 'me' time today. I woke up at 10:30 a.m. (I rarely sleep in anymore past 8am on weekends, but lately I've been extra exhausted). I then took my sweet time taking a long, exfoliating bath, doing my nails, reading a couple of chapters of The Apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz, being silent and listening to 50s music.

I also made my own delicious espresso, but it was so much that I had jitters all morning, and plucking eyebrows and painting toenails are quite the tasks with trembling hands! But I managed. I am feeling vintage today. Call me melodramatic, but my "look" is sometimes dictated by the music I am listening to. Given that I am listening to jukebox hits today, my hair and makeup are very clean and "pretty", as opposed to my usual slightly messy look. I am feeling my inner Audrey lately, inspired by my boyfriend's fondness for vintage beauty queens like Brigitte, Audrey and Sofia... I'm a big fan of the pinuppy Brigitte look usually, but lately I'm feeling prim and proper.

I decided to cut myself some slack about the weight and NOT workout today. Since I pretty much only did volleyball this week, I consider it a week off. Starting Monday, I will get back into it, possibly tomorrow depending on the weather.

Sadly, part of my glumness yesterday was triggered by seeing photos of myself. I "know" I am not fat, or even very chubby, but I still see a chunky person when I look at myself. I tell myself, at 5'2'', 140 IS in fact a little on the chubby side, then I slap myself by reminding me that I am thick and muscular, and curvy, and that is beautiful. Losing weight truly does prove to us crazies that weight, in itself, is not the issue. I will continue to try to work on my anxieties and distorted self-image, and try to not let these things have such a stronghold on my emotional state. I swear it! ha!

Alright, I am off to stuff my little vintage face with some not-so-old-school sushi and watch The Hangover II with a certain piece of arm-candy I like to call Noodle.

A sweet afternoon to you all, darlings.

feeling glum

Maybe it's the rain, and the resulting inability to exercise outdoors, or maybe the PMS, or both, but I'm feeling blue... and fat. Well not fat per se, since I hate skinny people who call themselves fat, but feeling heavy.

Basically, I am totally healthy weight-wise, and the remaining weight I want to lose is more for aesthetics and also to keep myself just a bit farther from 140, which to me is my healthy threshold. I would like to be 125-130, so that anything below 140 is maintenance... and 140 is when I kick it into high gear, but for now I am still hovering around 140. I was 140 this morning after jumping to 143 (not really, it was more about food timing than actual real weight gain), but I need to keep my eating patterns healthy and regular.

Anyway, I can't write much right now, but hopefully the sun will shine this weekend...

fahk.

143 this morning. yes, it is largely a matter of bloating and the timing of my meals, but fahk. I tried so hard to get to 135 so I wouldn't cross the 140 threshold.

I am going to have to come up with a plan soon, because I'm too disorganized about this now. I need a routine. a system.

grr. am annoyed right now.

a brief absence

Hi guys!

Sorry for being out of commission for a few days, it was the weekend of la visite! Good friends of mine were visiting, I attended another wedding, my parents were in town, and I had to fit all that in while making arrangements for the boyfriend to meet them all, while he also had several family affairs to attend to.

It all worked out as good as it possibly could have. Everybody did everything they had to.

I managed to eat relatively well considering all the events: wedding, brunch, dinner out, family dinners and lunches... But what upsets me just a little is that the scale is still at 140. This is my plateau weight. I am not being as vigilant as I could be food wise, but only in the sense that I should be making food at home to get more veggies and good proteins in, without all the salt and stuff that's added to prepared foods, but I am exercising more than enough.

I'm still very happy with my body though. I bought some summer dresses yesterday, and will have to go do a bit more summer shopping soon. The lineups were so huge yesterday that it took me 1.5 hours to see two stores. Ugh! In any case, I am excited to have something to wear on the weekends... mind you I have dressed up one of the dresses today and am wearing it to work.

I ran for 45 mins yesterday, in addition to playing vball (which I only found out about 10 minutes before starting)... I ran on Friday evening and Saturday morning, and had Sunday off from exercising.

Alright, I have to get to work, hasta la vista babay!

A strange wagon have I

One which allows me to be both off and on at the same time.

So, I was about to write about how I've fallen off the proverbial wagooon once again before I realized that is totally untrue, sort of. The only thing I can tap myself on the wrist for is eating refined sugars and not making meals at home. Otherwise, I am doign really well.

I didn't buy groceries, so I ate out all week, but 95% of the food I ate was not bad for me. I drank a few more Diet Cokes than I would have liked, and ate a couple of desserts this weekend that aren't great for my insides, but I am careful about all of my choices, even the bad ones.

Otherwise, I worked out as if I am still in "challenge" mode: volleyball 3 nights, running, two hard gym workouts, walking, etc...not to mention my favourite pastime with a certain Noodle of mine... which totally counts for burned calories!!

So the scale is hovering between 137 and 139, and more like 141 on weekends, but I am becoming very fit. I actually feel as though I'm still not eating enough, but it will be better when I am motivated to cook. Being at my apartment is a little depressing these days (soon I'll be able to decorate, but for now it looks pretty much like I've just moved in) so I haven't really stuck to cooking since I moved here. Not for more than a few weeks at least.

My emotional life is stable and wonderful. Medical literature has found, in recent years, that when you get depressed you create new "pathways" in your brain that leave you more and more likely to relapse into depression. I am trying a personal experiment whereby I try to form "happy" pathways when I think of difficult/bad things, to try my hardest to undo damage from previous bouts of depression. My depression last year was so severe for so long that I have quite literally been unable to feel totally stable since, even though everything is amazing. By unstable I mean that even the SMALLEST glitch in my happy little life throws me into a disproportionately low mood.

So, on the assumption that it is possible to create pathways with repeated, ongoing stress and depression, it should naturally follow that you can, too, create new pathways with long stretches of extreme happiness and contentment, and by channeling any negative energy/thoughts toward a happier alternative such as sports, love, friends, etc.

This is akin to the theory behind Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (in my limited knowledge of the subject), and the oft-cited "mind over matter" approach. In my case, I am trying to use my mind to redecorate my grey matter by associating happier thoughts and patterns when faced with challenging, emotionally distressing situations.

Okay, enough of my own personal quack-psychobabble. Have a great Sunday afternoon, and I hope you all add a little happy to your day today!

(p.s. here's a hint if you feel you're never happy: say thanks every single day for the truly important things in your life... appreciation is the key to true happiness, at least I think so.)

cool runnings

So I have the running bug, officially. I need to force myself to take a break.

I have now run 45 minutes straight, twice, which is equivalent (by my approximate calculations) to 7 km. Yesterday, I ran to and from volleyball (10 mins each way roughly), for another 3-3.5 km or so. Tonight, I will drive to volleyball most likely, and tomorrow I am off, running at least. I will probably go to the gym to workout.

I am just driven by the warm sunshine we've been having and my new ability to run.

Did I mention I bought shorts? Running shorts. I have not worn shorts or anything above the knee since I was about 15 years old, because I have always hated my legs. I still find them massive, but the leaner I get the more comfy I am exposing them. And part of me also has to rationalize that there is nothing "shocking" about my legs and therefore I should just get over my stupid obsession.

Personally, I love wearing as little clothing as possible when doing sports, but I had always worn my soccer shorts down to the knees and my socks up to meet them... gets pretty hot in 35 degrees though! Now, being able to play beach vball in actual shorts (and not tight workout knee-length pants) and potentially even a short top would be amazing.

So it has begun. I exposed my jiggling, huge thighs to thousands of people as I ran for 45 minutes through downtown and along the canal where there are tons of super fit runners and cyclists. And as one would hope, nobody batted an eye...

Okay, off to finish my delicious breakfast (Greek yog, strawberries, banana, walnuts, Kashi Go Lean Crunch, maple syrup) and head to work. The week's almost over!

happy

I played mini putt with Noodle last night, after visiting my Grandma and aunts, after running for 45 minutes in the hot sunshine... a good night I say.

Aside from some unsettled financial business and the occasional bad workweek, I can safely say I'm the happiest I've been since I was just a child probably.

Therefore, I can acknowledge that since I am now extremely healthy, fit, happy and all... my entire mission has been accomplished. But I am continuing to set goals because that is what drives me forward, keeps me from stagnating, giving up, or worse yet, going backward.

May you all have a sunny, productive day!

not too much damage

After the wedding with the CRAZIEST spread I have ever seen, I managed not to put on much weight. The food was simply amazing. A combo Greek/Italian wedding and you'd think it can't be hard to have good food... but most wedding food is ordinary at best. This, however, was high-quality fare, and simply enough to feed all of Canada.

I had spent a month preparing, tanning, finding a dress, shoes, jewelry, a coat, down to the backup shoes I needed for dancing and driving... and it all paid off. I impressed my boyfriend and had my "coming out" of sorts, the grand unveiling of the new, happy, fit me. The night was perfect from start to finish and I couldn't be more in love. My man looked incredibly sexy (I don't know if I ever mentioned he's my former personal trainer and is super hot) and can even dance!!!! WTF! Amazing. JACKPOT!

k enough. hahaha.

So food-wise, we ate ourselves sick, but I had basically eaten nothing else all day to keep my professionally applied makeup from wearing off. My boyfriend (who I will affectionately refer to as Noodle from here on in) and I ate nothing but fruit (and some cookies and croissants, but shhhh!) the next day to cleanse.

Here's some pretty big news too: with not more than 4 hours of decent sleep, I got up at 8ish the morning after the wedding and went for a jog...for a full 45 minutes! I added it all up and I think it's 7km give or take. Can you believe it? I can't! I am going to kick 10-km's pansy ass in no time methinks!

Okay, off to bed para mi. Good evening munchkins.

Advice part 2

I try not to complicate things too much for people, so yesterday's tips were the essentials, but a bunch of other stuff came to mind when I closed my computer yesterday. Other things I did that were essential to my success in losing weight. So here are a few other ideas:

1. Educate yourself, often. While I believe in taking small steps at first in losing weight / getting fit, I think it is imperative to continuously do research, ask others questions, and seek advice from professionals. Most of the weight I lost I lost on my own, so I needed to know what I was doing. A lot of people have a lot of wrong nutritional info and think they're eating well when they're not. My basics are first: know how much of each nutritional element you need (i.e. how much fat content is too much, same for sodium, sugar... and how much protein is great, calories you need etc) then read alllllllll food labels. A safe bet is to start eating only homemade meals as much as possible, and slowly replacing unhealthier options with healthier ones.

2. Reach out to people for help. I was lucky someone suggested blogging because it became my support system. My friends who are supporting me would read it. But you could just as easily try to find a good friend/family member who you have to call/write to every day to report to. For people like me, the guilt of reporting failures to someone else is enough to keep me moving.

3. Most people go to gyms to lose weight, but if you can, find a sport/dance class/activity you LOVE and try to do that at least once a week for exercise. That won't feel like exercise because it's fun and it becomes a kind of "reward" for all the hard, boring work you're doing to lose weight. Oh, and do web research to find free classes (like I find on trainingmobs.com, which unfortunately is only in Montreal for the time being). Also look at group buying sites like Groupon, Teambuy, etc., for super deals on gyms/classes etc. This is a great way to try out new stuff, maybe discover something you like to do as a workout, and challenge your body to something different. And, if you have the means, I would say consult a personal trainer for a while... who knows, you may get a hot, amazing boyfriend out of it, like me! ha!

4. Be forgiving of yourself, but don't be too easy on yourself either. And if you've ALWAYS had a real weight/health problem, try looking into the real reasons behind that, whether by getting a medical checkup, consulting a therapist or doing some soul searching on your own. That's the only way you'll ever manage to maintain your weight loss in the long term...

Over and out.

Some advice

A friend recently informed me that a group of her friends were reading my blog for inspiration. I was stunned. It shocks me that people read it at all frankly, but especially that people I know found out about it and find something valuable in it. So today I've decided to give everyone some advice. Having successfully lost 50 lbs in a healthy way, and improved my overall health, I feel I am in a position to give advice at this point, at least based on my own personal experience.

First off, let's look at motivation. If you're going to accomplish something big, that takes time, you need to have some solid motivation. That doesn't just magically appear. Unfortunately, for me to finally have the motivation to take care of myself, I had to have any other options taken away. I was at the peak of my depression, and my living/financial situation had me stuck living in my past. It was a fight-or-flight response. I couldn't count the number of times in my life I said I would lose weight and then lose 10 or 20 lbs and something would happen and I'd stop. So, if you want to see a real change in your life, you HAVE to be prepared to do things differently, to make sacrifices and to commit in the long term. I will have to fight for my health/fitness for the rest of my life and I know it. I also know that no matter what happens, I will not let depression, breakups, money, ANYTHING stop me.

Secondly, STOP with the fad diets and extreme measures to lose weight quickly. Also, on the other end of the spectrum, stop doing only what's easy and never pushing yourself. Personally, I don't mind whether my friends lose or gain a few pounds; it's their body, and I love them regardless. But all I ever hear with most people are excuses. Then one day they decide they want to change their lives, but a week later, the excuses are back. If you don't try drastic measures, and instead stick to basics: calorie counting for the amount of exercise you do, eating a variety of unprocessed, healthy foods and exercising vigorously at least 5 days a week, you will get in shape. It just might be slowly. You can always adjust as you get used to the changes and make it more challenging or push yourself to do even better. But start with baby steps. Whatever doesn't make you start making excuses (i.e. don't start off working out suddenly 6 days a week for an hour each time and cutting out all your favourite foods).

Focus on small, achievable goals, and then set longer-term goals as you go. And ABSOLUTELY, and I mean this, TAKE MEASUREMENTS. I believe you should weigh yourself every day too, though many disagree, because I think it helps women realize how much our weight fluctuates in a day and that weight is just a number that you can use to inform yourself of progress. But often (as with me right now) I'm not losing weight but I AM losing inches, which is much more important, because I'm losing fat and getting ripped abs :)

Sleep is of the utmost importance. Get more than 7 hours a night, and sleep at the same time every day, preferably sometime earlyish if you can. You'll eventually realize how valuable that is.

Those are my basics. Oh and, just do what you can to stay motivated, never give up. If you give up for one day, force yourself to start again the next day, or a week later. Don't make yourself feel guilty, just know that you can't make progress if you stagnate. Eventually, I hope you all manage to feel the way I do now. I feel like a new person. I've accomplished things I never thought I could, and now (with the motivation I've built over a year) I continue to challenge myself in new ways I never thought possible.

Remember, motivation comes eventually with developing the habit of eating well and exercising, not right away. In the beginning, you'll need to remind yourself that it takes alllllllll those small steps to make big progress.

Farewell fine friends, best of luck in whatever challenge you choose to undertake this spring.

lightening up

I am seeing the end of the tunnel approaching... life is slowly becoming less hectic than it has been over the last two weeks. I don't want to get ahead of myself, but I am hopeful that next week I'll actually feel like calling my friends again, and making plans.

I have a dress, I think I've found the perfect shoes, all my appointments for Saturday are set (hair, makeup, waxing, mani-pedi), and all that's left to do is buy accessories and choose nailpolish colours, etc.

My challenge is also over, so that makes it easier to go out with people.

I am hovering around 137 on the scale, and the minute this rain stops I can get out and run and I think I'll lose weight that way. My 30-day fitness membership is almost up, and thanks to some stupid condo meeting I have to miss a really great sculpt class! But I got the boxing in last night, and will probably try to get in 1-2 more classes before it ends.

I went grocery shopping for some fruit, meat/fish, etc., so that I don't buy all my meals out this week. I am having some gum problems and I am a big believer in making sure you're eating and sleeping right before you start popping pills. I was surprised at my motivation to go get food, but I couldn't muster the energy for dishes. That's my next task, for tonight, if not Thursday.

My taxes are done and the accountant I hired at the last minute made my life ten gazillion times easier. He also saved me a lot of money, since I would have sent in my return done half-assedly by moi, and paid a lotttttt more. Now I have leftover savings to cover my taxes as well as some of my debt, yay!!!

So the light at the end of the tunnel is drawing near. Life is slowing down, and hopefully it will be for my boyfriend too and we can get away sometime soon and just be together, without interruption, for a couple of days. For now though, I'm focused on keeping my weight down and working out and looking pretty for the wedding so I can take "AFTER" photos and be beautiful for my man.

Okay, off to work, dum de dum dum dum....

She's back

I finished my second round of Game ON! on Friday, and proceeded to eat nothing but bad food from Friday to Sunday morning. However, the quantity was okay enough for me not to gain more than two pounds :)

My girls' weekend was so nice: I got to catch up with some great friends I hadn't seen in months, if not several years.

I didn't sleep well over the last week, and the past four days I barely got a few hours each night since I would keep waking up. Last night I finally got 9 hours' sleep, aside from waking up in cold sweats (I think this may be related to hormone changes because of weight loss AND PMS).

Despite my fatigue, I went for a 5km jog with my best friend on both Saturday and Sunday mornings, in beautiful, warm, sunny weather. I would wake up before everyone (they were all hungover :), so I used my time effectively and it paid off.

So I was back to 138 this morning, but I am eating well and will play vball tonight. I shoe-shopped at lunch (did I mention I finally bought a dress? what a relief!!!). Now I'm off to go tanning and run many other errands.

I am in a good mood, but have some minor stresses going on right now. I am just trying to focus on one thing at a time though and keep my cool... and it's working. Life is great.

Okay, over and out!